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About body

Understanding the basics

When it comes to sex, many of us are aware of our anatomy but we often over-simplify what goes on beneath the surface of our bodies. Some of us still talk about things ‘down below’ and while there’s a certain quaintness about using such terms, they are inaccurate and misleading.

An informed working knowledge of the parts of the body used for sex can give greater control over what we do sexually, and help put sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and other problems in context. For example, did you know that pain while getting fucked is often due to the cock ‘prodding’ nerve endings at the base of your spine or sensitive arse muscles inside your body? The pain will often go if you change the position or relax the muscles.

And when it comes to the basics of all the other ‘stuff’ we can get stuck quickly, so we’ve included sections on

  • DIY check-ups
  • grooming (looking good)
  • nutrition and exercise
  • sleep
  • mental health

It’s all connected and while we are hardly the ‘experts’ we’ve tried to provide a basic understanding of pieces of the puzzle, together with some tips, to help you remain healthy, happy and horny.

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Cock and balls

Cock design

The cock is made up of three inflatable cylinders of a honey-combed spongy tissue, two on the upper side (as you look down at it) and one on the underneath. When your cock is soft the cylinders are like long flat balloons. The vein that you can see running down the top of your cock pumps blood into these balloons when you get an erection. Down the centre of the cock is the urethra, the tube through which we piss; more of this later.

Penis | Wikipedia

What do you call yours?

baby-arm | baloney pony | beaver basher | beef whistle | bell on a pole | bishop | bratwurst | boner | chopper | cock | cum gun | custard launcher | dagger | dick | dick of death | dipstick | dong | dude piston | fire hose | fuck rod | fudge sickle | heat-seeking moisture | knob | missile | hog | hose | jack hammer | Jimmy | John | John Thomas | junk | knob | lizard | love muscle | love rod | love stick | manhood | member | old man | one-eyed monster | one-eyed snake | one-eyed trouser-snake | one-eyed wonder | one-eyed yoghurt slinger | weasel | pecker | peepee | Percy | peter | Pied Piper | piss weasle | piston | pork sword | prick | private part | purple-headed yoghurt flinger | purple-helmeted warrior of love | quiver bone | ram burglar | rod | sausage | schlong | shaft | third leg | thumper | todger | tool | trouser snake | twinkie | vein | wand | wang | wang doodle | wee wee | wick | wiener | willy | wing dang doodle | winkie | yoghurt gun

Free FM “Singing Penis”, 1998 | Young and Rubicon Advertising, Australia | Disciple | 9 Nov 2009 | 1m 8s

Every one of Laura Dodsworth’s penises is unique: introvert and extrovert, straight and bendy, wobblers and bobblers, growers and showers. There are contented penises that have led full lives, and disappointed penises that have let down their owners – or been let down by their owners.

In Dodsworth’s new book Manhood, every penis tells a story. There is the trans man who invested in the biggest and best; the underpowered poet hung up on his for years, until he decided to celebrate it with The Big Small Penis Party; the man who as a teenager thought he had genital warts and considered killing himself, until he found out they were normal spots; the business leader whose small penis taught him humility; the sex addict whose wife tried to cut it off; and the vicar who enjoyed his first threesome while training for the priesthood.

Me and my penis: 100 men reveal all | The Guardian | 27 May 2017

Manhood: The Bare Reality | Laura Dodsworth | Pinter & Martin | 2017

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Cock size and shape

For centuries, men across the planet have placed great importance on penis size with many cultures equating size with masculinity and symbolising qualities such as virility, fertility, strength, ability and courage. However, a few/ some/ all men [delete which don’t apply] worry that their cock is smaller than it should be or that it won’t satisfy.

As a result of an recent International study of more than 15,000 penises around the world, we now have a scientific answer to this enduring question. For the average man:

  • Hard/ Erect: 13.12 cm (5 3/16 inches) in length and 11.66 cm (4 5/8 inches) around
  • Soft/ flaccid: 9.16 cm (3 5/8 inches) in length and 9.31 cm (3 11/16 inches) around
  • For those of you who have no idea what inches are explore here. Fractions are displayed as ¼, ½ and ¾ of an inch; but also as eighths: 1/8th, 2/8th, 3/8 etc; and sixteenths: 1/16, 2/16, 3/16 etc. Inches are sometimes denoted as double quote marks after the number so six and a half inches would look like this: 6½” You can find a handy cm/mm to fractions of an inch calculator here. Although the introduction of the metric system makes calculations easier, cock size measured in inches remains prevalent, like the pint. While we love centimetres “Why don’t you suck off my 7 inches” sounds that little more appetising.

Given only the first couple of inches (or first few centimetres) of the arsehole is touch-sensitive, a shorter or thicker cock can be just as good at stimulating those nerve endings as anything larger. While big long cocks can have your arse poked skywards in seconds, they can knock into the rectum wall and sphincter muscles causing discomfort and pain. So the moral of this tale is quite simple: don’t ignore smaller cocks and beware of bigger ones in the hands of dickheads who think they know what they’re doing.

Also, you can’t judge the true size of a penis while it’s soft or not erect. Some men with relatively small penises grow to a larger size when erect, while their larger counterparts don’t show as much growth when hard. Thus the term: ‘grower or shower.’ Peaking sideways-on at his dick at the urinal gives the impression of greater length, unlike when you are looking downwards at your own.

For better and worse, gay men have turned size into an art form. It’s a major currency among gay men and threaded through our culture, our scenes, our community and whatnot, and a core part of who we are as men who fuck other men. A pre-requisite box on many (if not all) gay hook-up apps and websites, porn websites don’t miss a trick either with dedicated categories: big dick, massive monsters, donkey dicks, over-sized dicks, destroyer dicks. It’s difficult to know whether to laugh, wince or cry.

There isn’t a single person on this planet that hasn’t heard general statements relating penis size to race and ethnicity. Though in some cases the generalizations are true, they are merely stereotypes. There are men in all ethnic groups that negate such generalizations. In other words, don’t judge a book by its cover! You may be disappointed with the results… or pleasantly surprised.


Am I normal? An analysis of penis lengths | David Veale, Sarah Miles, Sally Bramley, Gordon Muir, and John Hodsoll

Are chemicals shrinking your penis and depleting your sperm? Here’s what the evidence really says | The Conversation | 3 May 2021
I have a small penis, will I ever be able to ‘measure up’? | The Guardian | 31 Jul 2022
Gay guys with small penises share their hookup horror stories | Vice | 6 Mar 2020
Sorry, size queens, but it’s time for a rude awakening | Queerty | 4 Jan 2020
What penis size do gay men prefer when it comes to anal sex? | Quora | 24 Mar 2019
Me and my penis: 100 men reveal all | Life and style | The Guardian | 17 May 2017
What engineers can learn from the design of the penis | The Atlantic | 18 Mar 2016
Average penis size revealed in study results The Guardian | 4 Mar 2015
Penis size: is there a correlation with sexual satisfaction? | The Independent | 4 Mar 2015
Human penis size | Wikipedia

Do You Have a “Boyfriend Penis?” | Davey Wavey | 19 May 2013 | 2m 05s
Does Penis Size Matter? | YouTube | AsapSCIENCE | 17 Jul 2014 | 2m 49s
The 6 Craziest Genitals Found In Nature | YouTube | AsapSCIENCE | 17 Jul 2014 | 3m 29s

Dick Code

What kind of Dick do you like? | Dick Code/ Dickipedia
Select features you like, and find the owner of your dream Dick.

(Dick) food for thought

“Guys with dicks are so demanding. You want to slap ’em.”
“If it’s more than a mouthful then it’s a waste.”
“I know mine is smaller but you adapt. I mean, so many men.”
“Guy’s don’t want me, they just want my dick. Fun for a while, but then it’s depressing.”
“You think it’s easy staying hard, satisfying all these arses. I need a spa and a splint.”
“I just care who it’s attached to.”
“I care about if they know how to use it or not.”
“I wish mine was smaller. I scare people off.”

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Curved penis

It’s common for the penis to curve slightly to the left or right when it’s erect. But if you have a more significant bend in your penis this may cause pain, difficulty having sex, and/ or erectile dysfunction. These can sometimes be symptoms of Peyronie’s disease, a condition caused by scar tissue, called plaque, that forms inside the penis. However, most men with Peyronie’s disease can still have sex.

According to the British Association of Urological Surgeons (BAUS), Peyronie’s disease affects approximately one in every 16 men (6%), however many urologists believe it’s under-reported, possibly affecting as many as one in 10 men (10%). Most men affected are over the age of 40.

Many men don’t need treatment, as they don’t have pain or the condition doesn’t affect their sexual function. The condition can sometimes improve without treatment. Various non-surgical treatments are available, including medicines and injections of steroids into the affected area. But there’s limited evidence of their effectiveness. Surgery may involve:

  • removing or cutting away the plaque and attaching a patch of skin or a vein to straighten the penis
  • removing an area of the penis opposite the plaque to cancel out the bend (this can lead to a slight shortening of the penis)
  • implanting a device to straighten the penis
Is it normal to have a curved penis? | NHS
Peyronie’s disease | Wikipedia
Peyronie’s disease: symptoms and treatment for the curved penis condition explained | Huff Post | 2 Nov 2017

Explanation of Peyronie’s Disease | The Drs (USA) | 2 Dec 2016 | 3m 43s

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The end of the cock is covered by a sleeve of stretchy skin called the foreskin. It protects the cock while soft, keeping it moist and sensitive. When we are born, the foreskin is usually stuck to it until we are about 3-4 years old when it starts to peel back by itself. By the time we are in our teens it can be pulled back and forwards without any problems.

Foreskin | Wikipedia

Foreskin is Beautiful | DaveyWavey | 29 Jan 2012 | 2m 16s

A tight foreskin phimosis and balantitis

Some guys have very tight foreskins so are unable to pull it back over the head of the cock without discomfort of pain. This is a condition called phimosis.

  • Piss gets trapped under the foreskin which then balloons. Even when you’ve done your best to shake off the excess there can be dribbling, and this can be distressing and unsightly.
  • Cleaning your dick (head) regularly can be slow and painful (see smegma).
  • Wanking and sex generally can be painful and stressful.

Don’t suffer: go to a sexual health clinic, or GP, to get it sorted!

Phimosis is usually accompanied by balantitis, a swelling and tenderness of the head of the cock. Treatment usually involves antibiotics but in some cases circumcision is required.

Phimosis | Balanitis | NHS
Phimosis | Balanitis | Wikipedia

A stuck foreskin paraphimosis

A related condition, paraphimosis is when the foreskin gets stuck in the pulled-back position causing pain and swelling. Some larger foreskins catch piss as it comes out of the urethra, where it can then remain trapped and lead to dribbling when you think you’ve finished.

Getting into the habit if pulling the foreskin right back every time you piss followed by a thorough shake and squeeze is the obvious solution.

Again, don’t suffer: head off to a sexual health clinic, or GP, to get it sorted!

Paraphimosis (details below Phimosis) | NHS
Paraphimosis | Wikipedia


When men are circumcised (usually as new born babies) the foreskin is surgically removed. While the principle reasons for this are religious grounds and to improve personal hygiene, as was mentioned earlier, men with excessively large or tight foreskins are often treated by circumcision.

Although the vast majority of American men are circumcised, more recently, circumcision has decreased in popularity and, in the UK, circumcised men are in the minority. After circumcision, the head of the cock loses its soft moist texture and becomes darker, tougher, dryer and more like normal skin.

Understandably, men can lose some sensitivity and it can take a long time to cum (not that it‘s necessarily a problem). If required, techniques can re-develop a circumcised foreskin, particularly if the foreskin has been mutilated by poor circumcision. A specially shaped plaster will encourage the skin to re-grow (over several years) and skin grafts can also restore the foreskin.

Circumcised vs. Uncircumcised – Which Is Better? | ASAPScience | 18 Jan 2018 | 4m 23s

Circumcision | NHS
Circumcision | Wikipedia

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Smegma (dick cheese)

BODY|MENRUS.CO.UKSmegma gets a very bad rap, which not fair because we need it!

The dick produces it to keep the dick head moist. It’s a natural lubricant which reduces the friction between the foreskin and the dick head (glans) allowing the foreskin to be pulled back and forth smoothly, and smooth movement between them during sex.

In its fresh wholesome state it’s the functional lubricant as nature intended. If it’s allowed to build up, however, it changes into an unpleasant bad-smelling creamy substance made up of stale piss, bacteria, yeasts and discarded skin cells. This is the bit we tend to remember!

Excess smegma leads to irritation and soreness which is why you should clean beneath the foreskin (gently but thoroughly) at least once a day.

“Could these movements be comfortably performed if the surfaces between glans and foreskin were dry and harsh? Of course not. There would be difficulty, delay, and need for manipulation. Nature has therefore provided a ‘natural ointment’, smegma to ensure easy lubrication and protect this delicate region of the male genital organ.” | Joyce Wright, MD | Sexology (New York), vol. 37, no. 2: pg: 50-53. September 1970.

Smegma | NHS
Smegma | Wikipedia

Doctor explains SMEGMA – aka build up of white material under the penis foreskin & how to clean it! | Doctor O’donovan | 4min 9sec

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Washing dick

Washing your dick and balls daily – as part of your shower or bath routine – should be sufficient to maintain good hygiene. And while you’re there don’t forget your arse, arse crack and arsehole.

It’s beyond us where men get this strange idea that for something to be clean it has to be scrubbed to within an inch of its life. (You are not cleaning the dog or the oven). Being gentle but thorough is much more important than scrubbing vigorously.

You should be cleaning the outside only, not ferreting around where you shouldn’t be. Trying to clean inside your dick (urethra) or inside your arsehole can cause irritation and be dangerous.

Many men use lashings of warm water and a thorough but gentle technique. However, if you are using soap, it should be mild, un-perfumed, and you may wish to consider one that is a pH balanced.

Your skin has a pH level of around 5.5. The pH level of most skin cleansers tends to be a little higher so it can break down the dirt and oil on your skin. However bar soap, for example, can have pH levels of 9+ which is too high if you’re trying to keep your skin moist.

In warm water the cock and ball sack should be soft and stretchy, which also makes it easier to gently pull back the foreskin to clean. Only pull the foreskin back as far as is comfortable and take extra gentle washing if you are uncircumcised.

When you are done, gently return the foreskin to its natural position and pat dry with a clean towel (not one you’ve picked up off the floor).

Tempting though it may be, do not talc or use deodorants as they can cause irritation. Besides, fresh ‘au naturel’ is both manly and stunning!

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An erection (hard-on, stiffy, boner) is not under our voluntary control in the same way as we can pick something up or wiggle our toes. It is caused by emotional, physical and hormonal signals in the form of electrical impulses which pass near the spinal cord and trigger an erection.

As we grow more sexually aware and experienced we accumulate a library of triggers or reminders which turn us on sexually: a look, body odour, being stroked, or the sight of a shaved head, for example. What turns us on is very personal to each of us, and during our sexual lives most of us will have at one time or another been surprised by something which, unexpectedly, has given us a raging hard-on.

When you get an erection, the cylinders in your cock fill with blood making it hard. Minute valves regulate blood into the cock when you get an erection, locking the blood inside while it’s stiff, and releasing the blood back into the body when it goes soft again.

There is also a misconception that as you get older you lose the ability to get or maintain an erection. It’s true that it can take longer to get turned on, and that physical reasons why you might not get one are more likely the older you get. But many men don’t see this as a problem and recognise that as we go through life our body and its needs change.

Curved erections Peyronie’s disease

Some guys get an erection that curves. This is caused by excess fibrous tissue on one side of the cock preventing it from becoming fully erect. The expansion of the cock on the other side then forces the erection to bend one way. In most cases the curvature is minimal and doesn’t cause any discomfort or problems – it just looks as if it’s got a mind of its own.

Cast your eye back over a few dicks and you’ll probably remember a few bananas requiring some oral massage! However, the curve can be so severe that it causes pain and fucking is not possible. The angle of curve can decrease without treatment but medication and/or surgery may be required.

Is it normal to have a curved penis? | NHS
Peyronie’s disease | Wikipedia

Persistent erections priapism

A persistent erection – not connected with sex – is called priapism. The condition can be extremely painful and usually occurs when blood fails to drain out of the spongy tissue inside the cock. In some cases the cock will start to go blue! Urgent medical treatment at an accident and emergency department is usually required immediately.

An overly tight cock ring which you can’t remove while you have an erection can cause similar symptoms. If it’s made of rubber you can cut it off – carefully. Metal cock rings, however, are more problematic and the fire service has been known to have been called out. (Trying to remove it with a blow torch is not recommended!)

Priapism | NHS
Priapism | Wikipedia

Be careful what you wish for…

“My partner and I went to a pool party. Suitably high, our host went online and invited over another guy who stripped off and jumped in the pool. No need to guess what happened next! The guy said that he liked his dick to be really hard during sex, so he injected it with a clear liquid. He was very careful, and had all of the medical equipment, clean syringes, antiseptic spray etc. My partner was fascinated and asked if he could have it done too. The guy obliged. After a lot of fun sex we left the party and went home to bed.

The next morning my partner’s cock was still rock hard and showed no signs of going down. He did some research online and got worried, and so we went to A&E. The doctor saw him straight away (so thankfully no wait). When she asked what the liquid was and how much was injected we had to admit that we didn’t know… and we felt like stupid kids. They put him on an anti-inflammatory drip and drew blood from his arm to lower his blood pressure… but his dick stayed up like a flagpole. So then they drew blood from all around the base of his cock, after warning him that there was a chance he may never get a full, solid hard-on again – my partner is a ‘top’ and so this was really unwelcome news. The erection wavered briefly, but then arose like a phoenix! After that they told us there was no choice but to operate, and took him to the Intensive Care Unit.

Maybe it was the fear of an operation, but after being wheeled into the ICU (dressed in the usual ‘flattering’ backless gown) his dick finally became softer and so the doctors decided there was no need to operate after all. A relief, of course, but my partner’s dick was really bruised and sore. They kept him in hospital overnight for observation, and administered more anti-inflammatory and saline drips.

Back at home, his cock was tender for many days afterwards, and still now feels different (lumpy) around the base from where they drew a lot of blood. After some very tentative, and frankly painful sex (for him), it turns out that his erections are still strong and his cock works fine: good news for us… but we certainly learnt a lesson the hard way (pun intended!).

Pedro, June 2015

Vasodilators | Wikipedia

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Impotence (getting it up, or not)

The truth is that most men will experience impotence at some time or another. It’s a fact of life, it’s not uncommon and it’s often temporary. Not being able to get an erection (or ‘get it up’) is usually referred to as erectile dysfunction or impotence.

Physical impotence

This is usually the result of exhaustion, stress and anxiety, recreational drugs or too much alcohol. Other reasons include:

  • Certain prescription medications, eg: sedatives and anti-depressants
  • High blood pressure and/or high cholesterol and heart disease
  • Other illnesses, eg: diabetes, Parkinson’s disease and multiple sclerosis
  • Faulty plumbing in your cock and/or traumatic injury and surgery
  • Smoking and /or being overweight

Psychological impotence

If you can get an erection but not necessarily when you want to, the problem is likely to be a psychological one. Reasons are likely to include lack of sexual stimulation, fear of performance, low self-esteem, stress and depression.

It may sound obvious, but if you’re not turned on you’re not likely to get an erection. For example, you may not find someone as attractive as you used to, or something which once aroused you sexually may have lost its allure (which is one of the reasons why we experiment sexually).

The significance we place on sex, performance and physical perfection creates high expectations – of ourselves and our partners – which can be impossible to meet. Consequently, a fear that we cannot perform adequately can affect our ability to get a hard-on, although it doesn’t mean you don’t feel horny. This can make the situation doubly frustrating.

Physically, if we’re uncomfortable with our bodies or the way we look, or if we don’t feel good or relaxed about ourselves, getting an erection can be a major problem. Ironically, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and what turns you off about yourself can easily turn someone else on.

Steps to solving impotence

Embarrassment prevents many men from seeking help, making them miserable and putting a strain on their personal and social life. Acknowledging that there is a problem is the first step. In the first instance, it can be helpful talking it through with a friend or your partner, difficult though this may be.

Then you should visit your sexual health clinic or GP. Determining the source of impotence will determine treatment, which includes changes to existing medication (if you are taking any) additional medication and/ or counselling/ therapy.

PDE5 inhibitors

PDE5 inhibitors help the body’s natural response to sexual stimulation by blocking an enzyme in the smooth muscle cells in the cock. Brand names include

  • Viagra (sildenafil)
  • Cialis (tadalafil)
  • Levitra (vardenafil)
  • Stendra/ Spedra (avanafil)

DO NOT use poppers and PDE5 inhibitors.

While we can see the appeal of intense feelings of horniness and a raging hard-on, the combination can make your blood pressure drop dangerously low, resulting in dizziness, fainting, heart problems and potentially a coma and/ or death.


Vasodilators are a group of drugs which can increase blood flow by expanding blood vessels, increasing the blood flow to the cock, and giving you an almost instant erection. The drug is identical to a naturally occurring substance found in your body that helps keep the blood vessels open and increases blood flow. Brand names include Caverject® (a small injection in the side of the cock) and Muse® (a pellet inserted into the end of the cock).

PDE5 inhibitors | Wikipedia
Vasodilators | Wikipedia
Erection problems | LGBT Hero 
 Erectile dysfunction (impotence) | NHS
 Erectile dysfunction | Wikipedia

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Piss (pee, urine)

Our body continually produces waste, some of which is filtered out in liquid form as urine. Each of us produce about 1.5 litres (2.6 pints) a day which is sent from our kidneys to the bladder, a globe shaped organ, which holds about 400-800ml of urine. Sensitive receptors send signals to our brain as it fills up which we translate as ‘I need to piss soon/ now’. When we’re ready it’s channelled through the prostate, along the urethra, and out of the end of the cock through a series of muscles which control the flow.

Aim (no pun intended) to make your pee a light to pale yellow. Darker pee usually means you are dehydrated and, if it persists, other problems. If your pee is clear then you may be drinking too much water.

Eating asparagus is known to turn pee darker yellow or green; artificial food colouring can also turn pee green. Beets or beetroot, blackberries and rhubarb can make your pee turn red; or it could be blood. Get checked out if you have any doubts or concerns.

Urine | Wikipedia
Blood in urine | NHS
Urinary tract infections in adults: symptoms | NHS

Watersports | MEN R US

What Does Your Pee Say About You? | AsapScience | 7 Jun 2015 | 2m 58s
Why do coffee and alcohol make you pee more? | AsapSCIENCE | 12 Jun 2012 | 1m 53s

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Balls (testes)

Male GenitalsYour balls hang together, at slightly different heights, in a small stretchy sac. Their purpose is to produce and store sperm and testosterone. They are positioned away from the body, allowing air to circulate around the sac keeping the sperm-making facilities at their best, 5°C lower than the rest of you.

Your balls are so clued-up and manoeuvrable that they have the good sense to pull themselves into your body when it’s cold, stretch themselves away when you’re hot and have time to enjoy themselves being sensitive to licking, sucking and smacking.

Inside each ball are 500 metres of coiled up spaghetti-like tubing in which sperm are produced at a daily rate of 400 to 500 million. When they are ready, they are moved and stored for action in the epididymis situated behind each ball.

The balls also produce testosterone, a natural anabolic steroid hormone, which increases at puberty and causes the characteristic changes, eg: stubble, breaking of the voice, etc.

The Silent Interview | One for the Boys with Samuel L Jackson | 19 Jun 2013 | 40s

Testicular Cancer Canada ‘Cop’ | Bold | 2016 | 45s
Against the testicular cancer | Mods | 2010 | 45s
Stand up to cancer | Channel 4 | 2016 | 2m 17s
Testicular cancer Canada shower | Jason Jeffrey | 2016 | 56s

Testicular cancer | NHS
Testes | Wikipedia
Testicular cancer | Cancer Research UK
Testicular cancer | Macmillan Cancer Research

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Cum (spunk, semen)

Cum is made up of sperm (made by the balls), the fluid in which they swim (made by the prostate gland) and a milky-creamy thickening agent (made by the seminal vesicles and bulbourethral glands).

The fluid contains nutrients to keep the sperm alive and kicking as they battle their way towards the female egg – they’re on a lost cause there then! These include zinc, potassium, glucose, and vitamin C which gives cum its sweet, salty and very individual taste.

As you’re preparing to shoot your load, muscle contractions pump the cum from the epididymis, along the vas deferens, into the urethra which runs along the inside of your cock.

Each time we cum, we release about 2-5ml (half a dessert spoon) which contain between 50-150 million sperm. When we cum repeatedly, we produce more fluid, less sperm – which is why it tends to be clearer and more liquid.

Sexual arousal in men

When a man gets an erection, his body goes through 4 stages of sexual response: arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution.

Stage 1: sexual excitement or arousal
A man gets an erection with physical or psychological stimulation, or both. This causes more blood to flow into 3 spongy areas called corpora that run along the length of his penis. The skin is loose and mobile, allowing his penis to grow. His scrotum – the bag of skin holding the testicles – becomes tighter, so his testicles are drawn up towards the body.

Stage 2: sexual plateau
The head (glans) of his penis gets wider, and the blood vessels in and around the penis fill with blood. This causes the colour to deepen and his testicles to grow up to 50% larger. His testicles continue to rise, and a warm feeling around the area between the testicles and anus (perineum) develops. His heart rate increases, blood pressure rises, breathing becomes quicker, and his thighs and buttocks tighten. He’s getting close to orgasm.

Stage 3: orgasm and ejaculation
A series of contractions force semen into the urethra, the tube along which urine and semen come out of the penis. These contractions occur in the pelvic floor muscles, in the tube that carries sperm from the testicles to the penis (vas deferens). They also occur in the seminal vesicles and the prostate gland, which both add fluid to the sperm. This mix of sperm (5%) and fluid (95%) is called semen. These contractions are part of orgasm, and the man reaches a point where he can’t stop ejaculation happening. Contractions of the prostate gland and the pelvic floor muscles then lead to ejaculation, when semen is forced out of the penis.

Stage 4: resolution phase of sex
The man now has a recovery phase, when the penis and testicles shrink back to their normal size. He is breathing heavily and fast, his heart is beating rapidly, and he might be sweating. There’s a period of time after ejaculation when another orgasm isn’t possible. This varies between men, from a few minutes to a few hours, or even days. The time generally gets longer as men get older. If a man gets aroused but doesn’t ejaculate, this resolution stage can take longer, and his testicles and pelvis might ache.

Sexual arousal in  men | NHS

The science of orgasms | AsapSCIENCE | 5 Sep 2012 | 2m 44s
How ejaculation Works | Pe Gain | 21 Dec 2017 | 1m 11s

Semen | Wikipedia
Facts about ejaculation | Very Well Health | 11 Oct 2018
Why semen changes color | Healthline | 24 Sep 2018
Twelve fascinating facts about semen | Self | 14 Mar 2016

Global sperm counts are falling. This scientist believes she knows why | Financial Times | 22 Jun 2023
 How pollution is causing a male fertility crisis | BBC | 28 Mar 2023
 Humans could face reproductive crisis as sperm count declines, study finds | The Guardian | 22 Nov 2022
 Sperm counts worldwide are plummeting faster than we thought | National Geographic | 15 Nov 2022

Natural Harvest: A collection of semen-based recipes | Paul “Fotie” Photenhauer
Natural Harvest: Semenology – The Semen Bartender’s Handbook | Paul “Fotie” Photenhauer

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Prostate gland

MENRUS.CO.UKSituated next to the wall of the rectum, the prostate gland is about the size of a chestnut, and is connected to the bladder by one tube and to the urethra by another. While its purpose is not fully understood, amongst other things it produces the milky fluid in which sperm swim and live (making up about 30-40% of semen volume).

It also produces substances which give semen its characteristic smell and help pump the cum towards the end of the cock. It’s packed full of sensitive nerve endings which is why getting fucked or fisted can be a big turn-on.

Prostate cancer tests and treatment: A guide for gay and bisexual men | Cancer UK
Prostate problems | MEN R US
Prostate gland | Wikipedia
 Anal Pleasure for Men | Sex Coaching

 What Prostate Orgasms Feel Like, According to 10 Men Who’ve Had Them | Men’s Health | 4 Jan 2021
Backdoor Buddy – A Man’s Guide to Prostate Stimulation | Man Of Many | 30 Nov 2019
Advice on safety of gay sex after prostate cancer | BBC News | 10 Jun 2019
‘Better Than Pooping’: What It Feels Like to Have a Prostate Orgasm | Vice | 28 Apr 2016

The prostate and prostate cancer | MEN R US 

Related videos about the prostate and anal sex

Why Sniffing Drugs Changes Your Butthole | AsapSCIENCE | 8 Jul 2021 | 5m 52s
  Not All Gay Men Like Anal Sex | Calum McSwiggan | 21 Oct 2018 | 12m 57s
 Anal Sex Chapter 04: Pleasure | Sandyford NHSGGC Sexual Health | 7 Nov 2017 | 4m 37s
How To Find Your Anal Prostate | Wickydewl | 1 May 2017 | 5m 31s
 Prostate Secrets for Maximum Pleasure! | Wickydewl | 13 Jan 2017 | 8m 26s
When You Know For a Fact He’s a Bottom | Michael Henry | 2 Aug 2016 | 1m 9s

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Digestive system

Mouth and throat

Mouth and throat

Your mouth is the beginning of your digestive system. The throat is situated behind the mouth and joins the pharynx to the oesophagus, the tube which takes food to the stomach. The mouth is covered with soft mucous membrane and smooth muscle generally resilient to bacteria and other infections.

Our tongue is a multi-skilled muscle which helps us to speak, kiss, and taste and position food for chewing before moving it to the back of the throat for swallowing. But like every muscle, it can grow tired with over-use and can be strained, which is why prolonged cock sucking and rimming can be exhausting and no longer a pleasure.

The tongue is covered in taste buds which can determine four primary taste sensations: sour, salt, bitter and sweet. All other flavours such as chocolate, pepper and coffee are combinations of these four, accompanied by the sense of smell. The tongue has several taste zones: salty and sweet (to the front and tip of the tongue), sour (to the sides) and bitter (to the back).


The mouth contains three pairs of saliva glands: beneath the tongue, on either side and to the top of the mouth. Chemically, saliva is 99% water and 1% a digestive enzyme and (in addition to chewing) helps to break down and lubri­cate food before swallowing. Saliva also destroys bacteria to protect the mucous membrane from infection and the teeth from decay. Saliva is produced continuously to lubricate the mouth and to keep the tongue and lips moist. During stress, the production of saliva decreases to conserve water. A dry mouth contributes to the sensation of thirst and drinking will not only moisten the mouth but also help restore the body’s water and chemical balance (homeostasis).

Gagging, coughing and choking

Sensitive muscles towards back of the mouth detect sharp, rough or large objects and will trigger the gagging reflex to prevent them from passing into the throat. The coughing reflex also aims to remove foreign or unwanted objects from the throat and oesophagus such as large or sharp pieces of food, dust and pollen.

Consequently, deep throat sucking comes with practice as you re-programme your brain not to reflex. It’s also worth remembering that when we swallow, a small flap (the epiglottis) in the oesophagus usually closes the opening to the larynx which leads to the lungs.

When food or drink ‘goes down the wrong way’, the flap doesn’t close in time and we start to cough to get it out of the air­way and back on track down the oesophagus to the stomach. Choking, on the other hand, is when we don’t get enough air and our body reflexes, demanding more.

Mouth | Throat | Saliva | Wikipedia

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End to beginning

Your arse is just the beginning – or rather the end – of your digestive system, which extracts nutrients and goodness from the food we eat. What’s left is waste which we get rid of as shit.

Many people believe that the digestive system is just a small tube linked to the stomach where shit sits and waits for the rectal express to the toilet. In fact, from mouth to arsehole, it’s a nine metre (30 foot) rubber-like tube, lined with muscles which massage the food and waste along, regulated by a series of locks and chambers.

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After swallowing, food travels down the oesophagus to the stomach – a ‘J’ shaped organ about 30cm long – where it stays for up to 6 hours. Here, acids and enzymes digest food until it becomes a semi-liquid soup which you have probably seen as vomit (with diced carrots).

The speed at which food moves on from the stomach depends on what you’ve eaten and what’s going on further down the line. Nerves which connect the arse to the stomach transmit messages to control the flow of food and waste. For example, you may experience discomfort or pains in your stomach if you are constipated or being fucked or fisted. Conversely, when you eat, you often want to go for a shit.

Stomach | Wikipedia

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Small intestine

Digestive SystemIn a semi-liquid form, food is passed along the duodenum to the next stage of digestion: the small intestine, a long rubbery tube, 2.5cm (1”) across and some 6.5m (21‘) long. It’s here that the nutrients and goodness in food are extracted.

Small intestine | Wikipedia

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Large intestine

What remains resembles a rich vegetable soup, which passes into the large intestine. This is rather like an inverted ‘U’ shaped pipe which joins the small intestine at the bottom right-hand corner, near your appendix. This is made up of the ascending, transverse, descending, and sigmoid colons. It is here that the waste becomes more solid as the water and salt is absorbed back into the body.

The sigmoid colon is best described as the final packaging and holding bay for shit. The rectum is the dispatch area and the anal canal to your arsehole is the main exit. By the time shit leaves the sigmoid colon and reaches the rectum, it is normally produced in discrete turds of a soft consistency and reasonable size.

Large intestine | Wikipedia

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Rectum, anal canal and arsehole


Around the connecting tube between your sigmoid colon and rectum is a ring of muscle that angles the tube in such a way as to close it off. This sphincter muscle regulates the shit leaving the sigmoid colon; without it, your rectum would fill up continuously and you would be shitting all the time. Your rectum is a stretchy four to five inch (10-13cm) muscular tube that can stretch to the size of a clenched fist (when full of shit) or a hand.

Anal canal and arsehole

Below your rectum is the anal canal, 1-2 inches (2-5cm) long which ends in your arsehole. The surface of the rectum and the anal canal is usually covered with a thin layer of mucus or natural lubricant designed to help with shitting and which also helps offer protection from infections. If you rub the surface, you quickly exhaust the supply of mucus which is why you need additional lubricant when putting anything up the arse.

At the bottom of the anal canal is another sphincter muscle made up of two smaller interconnected rings of muscle. One of them is not under your direct control but responds to internal body messages when the rectum is full or when you cough – the muscle tightens. When the muscle doesn’t work properly you leak. You have more control over the other muscle which you can relax or tighten at will. Try it now – you see control is everything!

Rectum | Anal canal | Wikipedia

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The weight of shit stretching the sides of the sigmoid colon signals the top sphincter muscle to relax briefly allowing a measured amount into the rectum. This is also called a movement. If you’re ready to go and sitting on a toilet, the bottom sphincter muscle relaxes and lets the shit down the anal canal and out through your arsehole.

Defecation | Wikipedia
Bowel movement: the push to change the way you poo | The Guardian 30 Nov 2018


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More on digestion

Digestive System | Diabetes UK
Human digestive system | Wikipedia
Common digestive problems and how to treat them | NHS

How the bowel works | Coloplast UK | 5 Apr 2013 | 2m 23s
How the Digestive System Works | Coloplast | 18 Sep 2018 | 3m
The Poop Cycle | AsapSCIENCE | 1 Aug 2013 | 3m 12s

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Shit and poop

Over a lifetime, we each produce an average of 5 tons of poo but when it comes to shitting, having a poo, a dump, or crapping (whatever you call it) we can get surprisingly coy and embarrassed.

It’s an essential bodily function, often ignored, and yet poo shape, size, colour, and consistency can tell a great deal about your health and how well your digestive system is working. Poo can also hold clues to more serious issues like infections, digestive problems, and cancer.

Whether your poos come too often or not often enough, it can make you uncomfortable, bloated, or even interfere with your body’s ability to absorb enough nutrients from your food. And staying regular is crucial for staying healthy as it plays a major role in how you feel physically and emotionally.

Gay men tend to be less embarrassed and knowledgeable because many of us also use our arses for sex. But, even if you don’t have botty sex this section is relevant for you too.

Size and consistency

The Bristol Stool Scale or Bristol Stool Chart is designed to classify the form of human faeces into seven categories. Sometimes referred to in the UK as the ‘Meyers Scale’, it was developed by Heaton at the University of Bristol and was first published in the Scandinavian Journal of Gastroenterology in 1997.

Type 1: ‘Rabbit Droppings’
Separate hard lumps like nuts. Very constipated.
Type 2: ‘Small Bunches of Grapes’
Sausage-shaped but lumpy. Slight constipated.
Type 3: ‘Corn on the Cob’
Like a sausage but with cracks on the surface. Normal.
Type 4: ‘Sausage-Like’
Sausage or snake-like, smooth and soft. Normal.
Type 5: ‘Chicken Nuggets’
Soft blobs with clear cut edges. Lacking fibre.
Type 6: ‘Thick Porridge’
Mushy and soft with ragged edges. Inflammation/ infection
Type 7: ‘Soup Or Gravy’
Watery, no solid pieces, entirely liquid. Inflammation/ infection

Digestion time

Mouth to arsehole, your digestive system is a continuous tube around 30 feet/ 9 metres long. From swallowing food to pooping, general consensus seems to be it takes 24 to 72 hours to digest food, though time varies from person to person and the food you eat.

The colour poo

If you have any concerns about the colour of your poos then see your GP. If this is just too embarrassing, or you don’t feel you have ‘that’ sort of relationship, you may find going to a sexual health clinic or A&E easier. In the meantime, we have compiled this guide which you may find helpful:

  • BROWN is the target colour because of stercobilin, a by-product of the haemoglobin in broken-down red blood cells; and bile, a fluid secreted into your intestines to help digest fat.
  • Eating beetroot, cranberries, tomatoes or red food colourants may make your poos look RED
  • Green leafy vegetables such as spinach or green food colourants can colour your stools GREEN
  • YELLOWY greasy rank smelling poos can indicate excess fat or the tummy bug giardia
  • PALE CLAY coloured poos can indicate a lack of bile or can be caused by some medications
  • BLOOD in poos can indicate bleeding in the lower digestive tract or rectum so, if you’ve been fucked recently, the blood may be from this. However, it can be a symptom of cancer.
  • BLACK poos could be the result of iron supplements or black liquorice, it may be a sign of bleeding in the upper gastrointestinal tract.


Poop is largely made up of water (75%), the bacteria which digests the food; and fibre, fats, other cells and mucus. The reason you can see sweet corn in poop is because the outside of the corn kernel is made of cellulose, an indigestible plant fibre which passes though the digestive system.


As you may know, denser and heavier objects sink in water while lighter gas filled objects float, and increased gas in poo allows it to float. Most causes are harmless and go away without treatment and are due to to what you eat, a change in your diet or a tummy bug (gastrointestinal infection). However, less commonly, it may indicate lactose intolerance, the inability to digest lactose which is a sugar found in dairy products, or suggest a more serious digestive condition such as ulcerative colitis, Crohn’s disease, or celiac disease.

Our poo tips

  • Don’t suppress the desire to go; if you need to poo: poo.
  • Ensure adequate intake of water/ water-rich foods
  • Eat a healthy diet with sufficient fibre
  • Eat regularly, don’t skip meals or overeat.
  • Eat adequate amounts
  • Exercise regularly
  • Drink plenty of water and non-caffeinated, non-alcoholic drinks
  • Work at feeling emotionally balanced


  • Ensure you’re getting the right vitamins – a balanced diet should provide this (eg: A, C and D).
  • Ensure adequate intake of healthy fats.
  • Build and maintain a population of friendly bacteria in your digestive tract.
  • Aim for a work-life balance that reduces stress – anxiety can play havoc with our your digestive systems; eg: bouts of diarrhoea and constipation.
Human faeces | Wikipedia
Bristol stool scale | Wikipedia
Talking Shit | Wikipedia

  How to Have A Great Poop | Mama Natural | 16 Sep 2014 | 4m 38s
Why Do We Pass Gas? | Ted-Ed | 8 Sept 2014 | 4m 57s

Bowel movement: the push to change the way you poo | 30 Nov 2018 | The Guardian 
Serial poopers: What makes people poo in public places? | BBC News | 10 Jun 2018

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The digestive system is one of nature’s marvels: an uninterrupted conveyor belt running 24/7 which release enzymes and hormones to extract the nutrients and goodness from the food we eat. What’s left is waste, which we get rid of as shit.


Gas is the air in the digestive system which leaves the body as burps or farts. Burping or belching come from the stomach which has a different chemical composition from a fart which has less atmospheric gas content (air) and more bacterial gas content.

Gas in the digestive system is usually produced by swallowing air, and the breakdown of foods by enzymes and bacteria in the gut (eg: processing undigested carbohydrates and proteins). These gases are primarily carbon dioxide, oxygen, nitrogen, and hydrogen; with smaller amounts of some methane and sulphur.

We have scoured the Internet and you can fart between a few times a day to 10, 20, 30, 40 times times, producing around .5 litre plus of gas, but opinions vary greatly.


Burping is generally caused by swallowing air when eating or drinking, or inhaling, and is usually a mixture of nitrogen and oxygen. Carbonated/ fizzy drinks (including beer) often make you burp (more) which is primarily carbon dioxide from the drink itself.


Out of idle curiosity searching on farting on YouTube yielded over 31 million results (some remarkably homophobic but that’s not what the section is about). We all do it, we all hear them, and some of our ‘friends’ have turned it into an art form (Philip). And yet it can remain a surprisingly embarrassing topic, partly because people believe they fart more often than others (or maybe it’s because others are better at concealing them).
What your farts say about your health | Seeker | 13 Apr 2016 | 3m 55s

Foods that can cause gas

  • Vegetables such as broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cabbage, cauliflower, artichokes and onions
  • Grains such as whole wheat, brown rice, barley, bulgur, corn bran and wheat bran
  • Legumes such beans and lentils
  • Fruits such as apples, peaches, pears, prunes and raisins
  • Fruit juice such as apple and pear and other drinks that contain high-fructose corn syrup, a sweetener made from corn
  • Milk and milk products including cheese, ice cream, and yogurt
  • Processed and packaged foods such as bread, cereal
  • Sugars such as table sugar, lactose (in dairy foods), maltose (found in grains), sugar alcohols (such as glycerin and maltitol syrup) used in energy bars, sugar-free sweets, and other processed foods
  • Sugar-free products containing sugar alcohols such as sorbitol, mannitol, and xylitol

Things to know

  • Sulphur rich foods (eg: broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, kale, Brussels sprouts) can produce smelly farts while fruits, vegetables and beans usually don’t
  • Skatole and indole which occurs naturally in shit (before you poo it out) also add to the stench of farts
  • Farts can travel up to several metres/ feet per second and can be silent or noisy depending on the speed of the gas leaving the body, the position of the arse cheeks and tightness of the arsehole sphincter muscle
  • The more constipated you are (with food fermenting in your digestive system) the more you will fart and the smellier they will be
  • Depending on whether you are the type of guy who takes ownership you can (1) blame your farts on the dog even if there isn’t one (Debrett’s A-Z of Modern Manners); (2) blame the person who has just left the lift if you’ve farted and someone else has got in; (3) offer them a face mask; or (4) ask them if they can do better.

And ‘yes’ it is true: farts can be lighted but we don’t recommend it as you can burn yourself and singe hair!

Why are you farting? | BrainStuff: HowStuffWorks | 15 Jul 2014 | 4m 18s

Ways to reduce gas

  • Chew food slowly and thoroughly instead of gulping it down
  • Avoid straws which encourages air swallowing and drinking out of tins/ bottles with narrow openings
  • Reduce carbonated drinks; eg: soft drinks and beer; chewing gum, or sucking on sweets
  • Select/ de-select food types (while maintaining a healthy diet)
  • Avoid sugar-free products containing sugar alcohols such as sorbitol, mannitol, and xylitol
  • Reduce your lactose intake found in dairy products and older cheeses can contain lactose
  • Avoid smoking or chewing tobacco
  • Physical/ aerobic activity will speed up digestion and help eliminate gas
  • It may sound old fashioned but walking off a meal moves the air bubble to the upper stomach where you can burp
  • Loose fitting dentures trap air in saliva causing you to swallow more frequently… who would have thought?!
  • Nervous people can swallow excess air so relaxation may help
Fart | Wikipedia
Flatulence | NHS
Flatulence | Wikipedia
Could You Outrun A Fart? | AsapSCIENCE | 13 Apr 2016 | 3m 25s
Are Silent Farts Worse? | AsapSCIENCE | 14 Nov 2013 | 1m54s
Why Do We Like Our Own Farts? | AsapSCIENCE | 9 Nov 2014 | 2m 55s
Why Are You Farting? | BrainStuff: HowStuffWorks | 15 Jul 2014 | 4m 18s
Why Do We Burp and Fart (So Much)?! | SciShow | 24 Dec 2013 | 3m 22s
The Poop Cycle | AsapSCIENCE | 1 Aug 2013 | 3m 13s

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Sensation to enlargement, pain and touch

The rectum only senses enlargement and stretch, while the anal canal can sense temperature, touch and pain. This makes the anal canal more fun to play with than the rectum which will only notice if you stretch its walls. Above the rectum there are no receptors to sense pain or injury so penetration beyond this point is more risky.

Located to the front of the rectum (tummy side) is your prostate gland, doughnut-shaped and about the size of a chestnut. Stimulating or rubbing during sex can be a big turn-on which is why getting fucked in the right position can be so pleasurable. However, the prostate is very sensitive to pressure and harpoon guns!

Prostate problems | MEN R US
Putting things up your arse | MEN R US

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Problems and complications

There are many factors involved in shitting properly and some of these can go wrong. If your sphincter muscles don’t seal properly then you may leak or shit yourself. Ulcers or a split in the anal canal may mean you get pain and a tighter sphincter muscle.


Diarrhoea is usually caused by an irritation of the intestine lining or infection in your small or large intestine. Quite simply, your body wants to get rid of the problem and, if it can’t vomit it out, it will shit it out as quickly as possible. The muscles which massage food through the digestive system go into over-drive (which is what can cause stomach aches, pain and cramps).

To help flush out the problem, the locks and valves regulating the flow open up; however, this also means that there isn’t enough time to extract the water from the waste and it’s at times like this that your bowels just open to release that all-too-familiar brown sludge. Oddly enough, we sometimes underestimate our body’s ability to deal with situations like this.

Generally, speaking, it is best to let nature take its course – not forgetting to drink lots of fluids (containing salt and sugar) to help wash out your digestive system and prevent dehydration. However, if symptoms persist, get it checked out.

Diarrhoea | NHS
Diarrhoea | Wikipedia


Constipation may be caused by spasms in the large intestine, insufficient bulk or roughage in your diet, lack of exercise or stress. Shit passing through the colon, which extracts just enough water to turn the sludge into solid turds, can get stuck there and continue to dry out until they become hard and knotted. Shitting is then painful as the hardened turds rub abrasively against the walls of your colon, rectum and anal canal.

Constipation | NHS
Constipation | Wikipedia
14 yoga poses for relieving constipation | Jen Reviews

Britain’s Got A Bowel Problem – How Can We Get To The Bottom Of It? | Huffpost | 5 Aug | 2019


If you regularly use laxatives, you may damage the nerve supply to this area and then either get diarrhoea or constipation. If you experience anything out of the ordinary or have any concerns, go to a doctor. Prevention or early treatment is preferable to suffering, or getting serious complications needing surgery.

Laxatives | NHS
Laxatives | Wikipedia

Haemorrhoids (piles)

Haemorrhoids are veins near the surface of the bottom part of your anal canal that have become inflamed, forming pockets or mini-bags of blood. Initially, they’ll stay inside the anal canal but can, over time, get larger and are pulled towards your arsehole by the downward motion of shitting.

If constipated, straining makes them much worse. Sometimes they split open and can bleed, often quite profusely. Sometimes the blood work itself out of the bags back into the body and the haemorrhoids heal themselves.

Suppositories (bullet shaped tablets which you slide up the anal canal) or creams (which you rub onto the entrance of your arsehole) will often alleviate the discomfort and pain of shitting. However, if symptoms persist, it’s important that you get yourself checked out by a sexual health clinic or by your doctor.

Piles (haemorrhoids) | NHS
Haemorrhoids | Wikipedia

Nutrition diet

Lowering stress levels, taking regular exercise and eating a balanced diet all play important roles in ensuring that your digestive system works well and is problem-free. Dietary advice to prevent constipation is based on the effects of certain foods being able to resist digestion. Such foods increase the weight (and volume) of shit, and are also able to bind water more effectively, forming a turd that is softer and easier to expel from the body.

Fruit and vegetables, both cooked and raw, whole-grain cereal products such as brown rice, wholemeal bread, flour products and whole wheat breakfast cereals are excellent turd-bulking agents and the maxim is the more the merrier. Pulses, such as lentils and beans, are also known to be effective, although the novice may become rather farty and will need to adjust intakes accordingly. The addition of bran to the diet (along with sufficient fluid intake) can provide some relief from constipation, although this should not be a substitution for a healthy diet.

Foodstuffs which are more likely to lead to constipation include dairy products, fatty foods and foods which have little or no fibre. If you experience pain, discomfort, if you’re not shitting softish turds regularly or if you have any concerns – visit your doctor. Some sexual health clinics offer advice and information on diet and healthier living.

Diet (Nutrition) | Wikipedia

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Ball and prostate check-ups

Testicular cancer and ball check-ups

Testicular cancer is on the increase, mostly affecting younger men in their 20s to 40s. It’s easy to deal with when treated quickly so, in addition to regular sexual health check-ups, DIY ball checks can pick up early warning signs that something may be wrong.

DIY ball check-ups

Check your balls monthly in (or just after) a shower or bath when your ball sack is relaxed and stretchy:

  • Rest your ball sack in your hand, feel its weight and use your fingers and thumb to feel each ball. It is normal for one ball to be slightly larger and lower than the other
  • Gently roll each ball between your fingers and thumb. At the top you will feel the tube which it is attached to, and the firm, bumpy area where it joins on. The rest should be smooth without lumps or swelling
  • If you feel anything that seems unusual or that concerns you, go to a clinic or your GP
  • Over time you’ll get used to how your balls look and feel. This way you will notice any differences and problems quickly. Though most lumps and bumps turn out to be harmless, you should get them checked
  • Remember, the earlier testicular cancer is found, the easier it is to treat
Testicular cancer | Cancer Research UK
Testicular cancer | Wikipedia

7 guys perform a testicular self-exam on camera | Birchbox Grooming | 26 Oct 2016 | 4m 8s
How to check for testicular Cancer | Dr Oz | The Oprah Winfrey Show | 20 Aug 2014 | 3m 37s
Testicular Cancer Self-Check Guide | Cahonas Scotland | 14 Dec 2014 | 2m 19s

Gentlemen, Touch Yourself Tonight | Deadpool | 28 Jan 2016 | 1m 13s

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Prostate cancer and sex

PROSTATE CANCERProstate cancer tends to affect men in their 40s onwards but can be treated effectively if found early. The symptoms above may point to prostate problems and are sometimes felt by men with prostate cancer, but not always. If you are aged 50 or over, you should have yearly checks performed simply by a doctor or at a sexual health clinic.

Situated just below the bladder, the prostate gland is ‘hooked-up’ to the plumbing along which your spunk travels. It is responsible for producing the fluid in which sperm swim, and a secretion keeps the urethra moist.

  • It gets bigger as we get older and can sometimes begin to squash the tube that takes piss out of the body
  • It can become infected or inflamed, most common between 25-45 years
  • It can get enlarged to the size of a small grapefruit if untreated
  • Prostate cancer usually occurs in the over-50s but can happen earlier

 Signs and symptoms that something is wrong include:

  • Needing to piss often and getting little warning that you need to go
  • Finding it hard to start or stop pissing
  • Lots of dribbling at the end of a piss
  • Finding it a strain to empty your bladder properly
  • Leaking or dribbling piss

Men over 50 can ask for a PSA test from a GP. Men are not routinely offered PSA tests to screen for prostate cancer, as results can be unreliable. There are treatments for men with an enlarged prostate gland: contact your GP at a sexual health clinic.

Prostate Cancer | Cancer Research UK
 Prostate cancer: A guide for men who’ve just been diagnosed | Prostate cancer UK
Prostate Cancer | NHS
Prostate Cancer | Movember

Prostate cancer | The Guardian | March 2018


Love the Glove | Samuel L Jackson on the Graham Norton Show | 27 Jun 2015 | 2m 05s
How Prostate Cancer Works | AsapSCIENCE | 16 Jun 2012 | 3m 42s

Sex after prostate cancer

Generally, most men face some issues having sex after prostate cancer treatment though these are often temporary or treatable. Radiation and/ or surgery to treat prostate cancer can damage these areas making it more difficult to get hard or cum (have an orgasm).

Your prostate sits next to blood vessels, nerves, and muscles to help you get an erection. Treatment side effects may also make you feel less interested in having sex. Be patient though it can feel difficult to cope with, and it’s perfectly natural to feel frustrated. With time and the right support, you can likely have a fulfilling sex life after prostate cancer.

 Sex and relationships | Cancer Research UK
 Sex and prostate cancer | Prostate Cancer UK
 Sex life and prostate cancer | Macmillan cancer support
 METRO Walnut prostate cancer support group for gay and bisexual men | Macmillan

Sex and prostate cancer: Martin’s story | Prostate Cancer UK | 25 Jan 2013 | 3m 51s
Martin, 58, had a type of surgery called a radical prostatectomy, as well as radiotherapy to treat his prostate cancer. He also had hormone therapy which meant he couldn’t get an erection and lost his desire for sex. In this video, Martin talks about his experience of trying different treatments for erections and how the side effects of prostate cancer treatment changed his approach to sex. Disclaimer: These films feature men’s personal prostate cancer stories. Everyone’s experiences will be different. The films are not intended to provide medical information.

Prostate Cancer in Gay and Bisexual Men: Treatment Side Effects and Decision-Making | Breakthroughs for Physicians | 6 Oct 2021 | 3m 29s
Channa A. Amarasekera, MD, assistant professor of Urology at Northwestern Medicine, discusses his research on the impact of sexual orientation on treatment decision-making and perceptions of sexual side effects from prostate cancer.


Prostate gland | MEN R US

Love the Glove | Samuel L Jackson on the Graham Norton Show | 27 Jun 2015 | 2m 05s
How Prostate Cancer Works | AsapSCIENCE | 16 Jun 2012 | 3m 42s

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Cancer is abnormal cell growth and may develop for a wide variety of reasons, some of which are known and others that aren’t. Normal cells have certain limits to their growth, cancerous cells continue to grow without controls, eventually causing serious and life-threatening damage. You can’t ‘catch’ cancer and it is not a sexually transmitted infection.

Cancer | NHS
What is cancer? | Cancer UK
What is cancer? | Macmillan
Cancer | Wikipedia
Types of cancer | Cancer UK

Live Through This 
Provides opportunities for LGBTQI+ people affected by cancer to meet and share their experiences. Believes that people of all sexualities and genders should be able to see themselves represented in the cancer services they access and that those service providers should be welcoming and knowledgeable of what it means to be LGBTQI+.
Live Through This

Introduction to male cancers | LGBT Foundation
Emerging picture of LGBT people with cancer | Macmillan

Olaparib: Drug to treat inherited cancers offered on NHS in England and Wales | BBC | 6 Apr 2023

What Is cancer? | Biology for All | FuseSchool | 8 Jan 2017 | 3m 18s

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Looking good


Like skin and nails, hair is made from keratin. Hair acts as a protective barrier. For example, eyelashes protect the eyes, hairs in the nostrils and ears trap and prevent the entry of foreign bodies, and eyebrows prevent sweat dripping into the eyes.

Attached to the base of each hair is a minute strip of muscle which is stimulated by cold or emotional stress. When the muscle tightens, the hair stands up trapping air and conserving heat. Each hair grows for up to five years before entering a ‘resting’ phase. As the growth stops, the hair falls out and after about three months a new hair begins to grow to take its place.

Obviously, the number of hairs varies between individuals but, on average there are about 100,000 hairs on your head and you might lose anything between 40-120 hairs a day. Colour is determined by how much pigment hair contains. As we get older, we tend to produce less pigment which is why hair goes grey.

Hair loss

The reasons for hair loss are various including physical ailments, skin conditions, allergic reactions, and mental stress. The most common type of hair loss is baldness which is caused by hormonal change in the body as we get older. Unless you intend to stick the bum of a Canadian beaver to the top of your head – get used to it, it’s a fact of life! Shorter hair – properly groomed – can be dead sexy in a man of any age. For some men, however, hair loss is a major upset particularly when their young. If hair loss causes you stress, depression or makes you feel inadequate talk to your GP before spending money on potions or transplants.


Dandruff is a common but relatively harmless condition where dead skin cells are shed from the scalp. This produces white flakes which are best noticed on dark suits. The usual cause is a scaly rash called seborrhoeic dermatitis that can also affect the chest, face and back. Treatment involves regular use of a medicated anti-dandruff shampoo from your chemist although a cortico-steroid or anti-fungal drug are sometimes required (through your GP).

Dandruff | NHS
Dandruff | Wikipedia

Hair care tips

  • Shampoo your hair regularly to remove any build up of dirt and grease
  • Beware of harsh anti-dandruff shampoos – ask your hairdresser, chemist or perhaps barber for advice
  • When washing your hair massage your scalp to stimulate blood flow and to release tension
  • Rinse your hair thoroughly (under a shower stream if possible)
  • Use a conditioner to smooth the outer surface of the hairs
  • Keep hair dryers at least 15 centimetres away from the head to avoid heat damage
  • Don’t brush your hair when it is wet, as it is at its weakest then
  • Avoid over-vigorous rubbing of wet hair, which can cause split ends and tangling
  • If you cut your own hair with electric clippers make sure you choose the correct setting
  • (Once it’s cut – it can’t be undone!) Make sure that you cut evenly; uneven patches or tufts of hair which have not been trimmed look truly dreadful
  • Ear and nose hairs can get long and straggly but can be kept short with a trimmer, or plucked out (which does a better job)
  • Stray eyebrows can be plucked
Hair | Hair loss | Wikipedia
Hair loss | Ingrown hairs | NHS
Skin | MEN R US

Why Are Men So Hairy? with DaveyWavey | Asap SCIENCE | 12 Aug 2015 | 5m 47s
The Science of Hair Loss/Balding | AsapSCIENCE | 14 Mar 2013 | 1m 56s

We aim to find content that has no ads, or as ad free as possible. Unfortunately, the following links have more ads than usual.

 Scientists have revealed why gay men are so attracted to beards | PinkNews | 19 May 2020
An inside look at gay men’s hairless butt obsession | Men’s Health | 27 Jan 2020
Scientists have revealed why gay men are so attracted to beards | Pinks News | 19 May 2017

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Like skin, nails are made from keratin and protect our fingers and toes from wear and damage. They also help us pick up objects and allow us to scratch the little bastard’s eyes out when he cheats. Just kidding! Fingernails usually take 5 or 6 months to grow from base to tip (just under a millimetre a week). Toe nails take twice as long to grow which is why we don’t have to cut them so often (though some men seem to forget about them altogether).

Damage and indicators

Nails are susceptible to damage through injury, pressure or crushing (in a door, for example) but more usually through bacterial or fungal infections and general illnesses. Brittle or ridged nails, black splinter marks beneath the nail itself, blue and green discolouration may be signs of vitamin deficiency and generalised disease.

Nail biting

Nail biting is a nervous habit. A badly-bitten nail is more susceptible to infections, pain and bleeding. The usual treatment is to paint the nails with a clear solution which tastes horrible, but this has obvious limitations. Examining why you bite your nails can be helpful in devising a strategy to break the habit. Perhaps the best reason for quitting is being able to see a full set of neatly trimmed nails – it will only take a month to see significant improvements.

HIV and other STIs

Unbroken nails and skin, particularly where they join, provide an affective barrier against infections such as HIV and hepatitis C. Broken, torn, ragged, ripped, or bitten nails can provide a route for infection with an increased risk of transmission if the surrounding skin is also damaged. Given that many/ most of us use our fingers for sex in some way, where bodily fluids like semen and blood are often present, keeping your nails and skin in tip top condition is an essential part of your sexual health. 

Nail care tips

  • Clean your nails carefully by prising out dirt beneath them. (A nail brush may be helpful)
  • Soften your nails in warm water before cutting them
  • Don’t cut your nails too short
  • Cut your toenails straight across to stop them in-growing
  • Don’t bite your nails. It doesn’t just look tacky, it really shows you up when you’re holding a glass, shaking hands or he’s trying to suck your fingers romantically. (He may as well nibble them for you)
  • To protect against nail infection, wear rubber gloves when your hands are being continually immersed in water
  • See a doctor if your nails become discoloured or brittle as this could be due to a fungal infection or vitamin deficiency (which are usually easily treated)

Feet and toenail tips

  • If you shower (rather than bathe) don’t forget to clean your feet, toes and toenails everyday, making sure your dry them properly, particularly between the toes
  • If you are prone to bacterial or fungal infections there are a range of creams, powders and sprays from your chemist that can help combat this. Keep a separate foot towel (which you don’t use on your face)
  • Change socks daily to prevent foot odour
  • Use a pumice stone to gently remove dead skin from the heels and balls of your feet
  • Discard shoes that are worn beyond repair, or no longer fit properly
  • Wear natural materials, such as cotton socks and leather shoes to reduce sweating. If you suffer from smelly feet, wear insoles made of activated charcoal, which absorbs sweat and odour particles
  • If you develop a foot problem, such as a callous, bunion or verruca, see your doctor or chiropodist
Nail anatomy | Wikipedia
Nail abnormalities | NHS
Ingrown toenail | NHS

What a gay guy learned from painting his nails Huff Post | 25 Oct 2016

Yes I’m a man with fake nails, get over it cis! | Olaoncé Carey | 1 Oct 2018 | 6m 13m   

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Sight is the main sense we use to map, absorb and appreciate the world around us, enabling us to socialise, work, communicate and stay connected. And when it comes to men on men action eye contact, facial expressions (like smiling), gestures, body language are all part of cruising, that first date, or a glance across a crowded room (yup, it still happens).

Though it’s the first thing we see in the morning and the last thing we see at night, we rarely give our sight a second thought as how we would manage if we couldn’t see. It’s also difficult to appreciate the role it plays in our lives because it’s so tightly woven into our daily existence and we (rarely) have a way of comparing what life would be like without it. The closest some of us will get will be a power cut or getting lost on Hampstead Heath on a moonless night.

The eye

The eye is a fluid filled ball (vitreous gel) held inside the eye socket by delicate muscles, which control eye movement up, down, left and right. At the front of the eye is the cornea which helps you focus. (People who wear contact lenses place them on this part of the eye). Behind this is the iris which controls the amount of light entering the eye. In its centre, a small aperture (the pupil) widens to let more light in when it’s dark and narrows when there is bright light. A circular ring of muscle surrounding the iris relaxes and contracts changing its shape to provide additional focus. Light then passes through the fluid in the eye ball to the retina at the back where millions of sensitive cells convert light into nerve impulses. These are sent to the brain where images – including the words you’re reading now – are assembled into stuff you can understand.


Tears keep the cornea and conjunctiva (which covers the white of the eye and the inside of the eyelids) constantly moist. Blinking sweeps a film of tears across the eye, keeping the surface well lubricated and washing away dust and dirt. In addition to salty water, tears contain a natural antiseptic. Tears drain away through a single hole near the inner end of each eyelid into small tear sacs and then down through the nose which is why your nose runs when you cry.

Short and long sightedness

Short sightedness is when near objects can be seen clearly while objects further away (even by as little as 30cm) can appear blurred or indistinct. Short sightedness is usually caused by the eye being too long front to back (horizontally) and, as a result, images of distant objects focus just in front of the front of the retina. Conversely, long sightedness is when the eye is too short affecting your long distance vision. These conditions are usually treated with glasses or contact lenses and regular check-ups for this and other sight conditions is essential – even if you think you have 20/20 vision.

Contact lenses

Contact lenses have been around for just over 100 years, although Leonardo da Vinci was actually the first to describe the possibility of using them over 500 years ago. While there are different types of lenses, soft lenses tend to be the most popular because they are easy to wear from the start, but an optician will be able to recommend a lens best suited to your needs. The high water content in soft lenses (40-80%) allows more oxygen to reach the eye covered by the lenses and so they can be worn for longer periods. However, despite their obvious success, problems can occur such as:

  • Eye infections through a failure to keep lens maintenance equipment clean, wash hands thoroughly before putting in/taking out lenses, and keeping lenses properly disinfected
  • Sensitivity to the lens or maintenance solutions
  • Using lenses for extended periods of time
  • Hard lenses that scratch the eye if they’re put in roughly or are worn for too long
  • Problems with tear production
  • Sleeping in lenses particularly after a long night out when you may be dehydrated. You sometimes have to peel the lens off the eye. This is not good.

Symptoms include:

  • Redness, stinging and a sensation of heat in the eye
  • Pain or prickliness in the eye
  • Lenses jumping around the eye
  • Increased mucus leading to cloudy or foggy vision

If you experience any of the above, stop wearing your lenses immediately and head straight for your optician or GP.


Conjunctivitis is an inflammation of the eye causing a range of symptoms including redness, discomfort, discharge and a sensitivity to light. Most cases are caused by bacteria which are spread from hand-to-eye contact or by viruses (eg: cold or sore throat). However, an allergic response can also be caused by contact lenses and associated cleaning solutions, pollen and cosmetics.

While warm water will wash away the discharge and remove any crusts on the eyelids, the infection itself usually requires treatment with eye-drops or an ointment containing an antibiotic, antihistamine or cortico-steroid drug. The important thing to remember is to see your optician or GP as soon as you think you have a problem. (This doesn’t mean making an appointment in a week’s time.)

More: About the Eye


Eye care tips

  • Whatever your age, get your eyes tested at least once a year – or sooner if you notice any change
  • Depending on how long you use a computer at work, you employer has a legal responsibility to provide you with an eye test
  • TVs are brighter than you might think; sit at least five feet away from the screen
  • When using a computer, rest your eyes every 15 minutes by focusing on something else. Every hour you should have a few minutes break away from the screen. This will help prevent eye strain
  • If you’re using artificial light to read, ideally the light should shine on to the page from behind you
  • Wear sunglasses in bright sunlight; never look directly into the sun
  • Swimming pools are usually highly chlorinated – consider wearing goggles
  • Protective goggles should be worn when welding, handling dangerous chemicals or working high-speed machinery
  • When you’re doing DIY, always wear protection. It may seem like overkill but splinters, glass fragments, dust, metal fragments, plaster, paints etc can seriously damage your eyesight
  • Avoid rubbing your eyes as this a common way of picking up infections
  • Moisturisers, soaps and other beauty products can badly irritate the eyes even if they are low allergy
  • Last but by no means least – a surprising number of everyday substances will sting badly if you get them into the eye, eg: poppers, cum, and sweat

If you get anything into your eye(s) wash out with plenty of water and if you have any worries seek medical advice immediately.

Human Eye | Wikipedia
Eye health | NHS 

Can You Trust Your Eyes? | AsapSCIENCE | 5 Sep 2013 | 2m 03s
How Good Is Your Eyesight? (Test) | AsapSCIENCE | 2 Apr 2015 | 1m 45s

How should you look after your eyes? | The Guardian | 20 Oct 2019 
Seven ways … to avoid eyestrain | The Guardian | 15 Jan 2018

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For most of us, sound surrounds us everyday. It shapes and influences our lives, enabling us to socialise, work, communicate and stay connected with the world.

We rarely give a second thought to how we would manage if we couldn’t hear chat lines, app alerts, demands to fuck harder. There are sounds which relax us, stress us out or warn us of potential danger. Then there are everyday sounds we sometimes know but don’t know are there: a tune on a radio, bird song, an approaching train, the chatter of friends in the next room.

It is often difficult to appreciate the role it plays in our lives because it’s so tightly woven into our daily existence and we (rarely) have a way of comparing what life would be like without it.

Our ears are designed to pick up sound and convert it into electrical signals which can be understood by the brain. The outer ear catches sound waves and channels them along a passage to the ear drum, causing it to vibrate. Wax is produced naturally and, along with the hairs which grow at the entrance of the ear, traps dirt and dust particles.

On the other side of the drum is the middle ear in which three tiny bones transmit the vibration across a small air filled cavity to the inner ear. The middle ear is connected to the back of the nose by the Eustachian tube which acts as a drainage passage and regulates air pressure. It opens during swallowing and yawning allowing air to flow up to the middle ear and equalising air pressure on both sides of the ear drum. Without this, the ear drum cannot vibrate properly which is why our hearing can become dull or muffled when we have a blocked nose or experience a change of air pressure when flying, for example.

The inner ear is made up of the cochlea, a small snail-shaped organ filled with fluid, through which sound waves vibrate. Minute hairs are stimulated by sound and converted into electrical impulses which are sent to the brain. Attached to the cochlea are three fluid-filled semi-circular canals at right angles to each other that help maintain balance by detecting even the slightest body movement.

The human ear is able to hear different ranges of sound from around 20Hz (hertz) to 30,000Hz. The top note on a piano, for example is around 4,000Hz. Comparative noise levels are measured in Decibels (Db) and the chart below shows a range of noises. Risk of injury starts at 90Db and probable permanent injury from 120Db.

More about how our ears work

Damage to hearing

Hearing may be damaged by exposure to very loud noises for a short period (such as an explosion at close range) or by prolonged exposure to low levels of noise (such as might occur in a machine room). The most likely risk to gay men is loud music in a club or through headphones and, frankly, it’s pretty stupid when it can be avoided.

Muscles in the middle ear normally respond to loud noise by altering the stiffness of the bones that pass the vibrations to the inner ear. This reduces their efficiency and dampens the intensity of the noise. When a loud noise occurs without warning, these protective reflexes don’t have time to respond and the full force of the vibration is carried into the inner ear causing severe damage to delicate hairs in the cochlea.

Occasionally, loud noises actually rupture the ear drum. More commonly though, damage from loud noises occurs over a period of time, with a gradual destruction of the hairs causing permanent hearing loss. Sound at 90Db+ may cause pain and temporary deafness lasting for minutes or hours. This is a warning that hearing may be damaged.

Tinnitus (ringing or buzzing in the ears) occurs after the noise has stopped and is an indication that some damage has probably been done. Prolonged exposure to loud noise leads to a loss of ability to hear certain high tones.

Later on, deafness extends to all high frequencies and just listening to somebody talking becomes increasingly difficult. Eventually, lower tones are also affected.

Protecting your hearing

  • Whatever your age, see you doctor immediately should you experience any of the following symptoms: difficulty hearing someone talk, regular use of TV subtitles, persistent earache or pain, an unexplained loss of balance, dizziness, a ringing or noises in the ear
  • Ear protectors should be worn in noisy environments over 80Db – this includes clubs
  • Wear ear plugs when you’re clubbing and listening to loud music. You may like to ask a club the maximum level at which music is played (but they probably won’t have the faintest idea what you’re talking about)
  • Many smart phones and personal players have limits on the volume control. While these can often be over-ridden, the manufacturer will state that it is at your own risk
  • Ears are usually very good at cleaning themselves. If wax builds up you should see your doctor before you start poking around. If you’re used to using cotton buds, remember to be gentle! A punctured ear drum can cause permanent deafness
Hearing loss | Tinnitus | Perforated eardrum | NHS
Noise-induced hearing loss | Wikipedia
Noise | Wikipedia 
Health effects from noise | Wikipedia
Hearing loss due to recreational exposure to loud sounds | World Health Organization | 2015

 Inside the human body: how your ear works | BBC | 16 May 2011 | 1m 42s 
 How the ear works | javitzproductions | 15 Jun 2012 | 3m 25s
How old are your ears? (Hearing test) | AsapSCIENCE | 13 Aug 2013 | 1m 37s
Can You Trust Your Ears? (Audio Illusions) | AsapSCIENCE | 29 May 2014 | 3m 30s

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Teeth and the mouth

Many of us take our teeth for granted. It’s often only nasty surprises at the dentist or a jolt that our breath will concuss a man that we start taking our oral health seriously.

Our teeth are an asset, vital to our quality of life. They provide self confidence, and allow us to feel more ourselves, particularly when we smile! In fact, when we’re happy, there’s nothing like smiling big! Our teeth may not be perfect, in fact it’s imperfections that give us character, but good oral hygiene is more about spending a few minutes each day to floss and clean than anything else.


A little about teeth

Adults have 28 to 32 teeth depending whether the person finally grows their wisdom teeth, which do not appear in everyone. In many cases, wisdom teeth don’t emerge fully from the gum because of over-crowding. Your dentist will determine whether they are best left alone or taken out.

Teeth are largely made up of dentin on the outside and a pulp on the inside where blood vessels and nerve endings are situated. The crown, or visible part of a tooth, is covered with about 2mm of enamel. Below the gum line, the root of the tooth is made from cementum. Both dentin and cementum are tough, bony substances.

Teeth are ‘glued’ by a special membrane that anchors them to the surrounding socket. Poor oral hygiene or the failure to clean and floss your teeth regularly weakens the mouth’s ability to fight off infections and the membrane that fixes your teeth to the sockets. Consequently, despite the best efforts of saliva, which is you body’s natural answer to bleach, you are more inclined to get mouth ulcers and bleeding gums – obvious gateways for bacterial infections like gingivitis and viral infections like hepatitis and HIV.

A little bit about teeth

Bad breath

Bad breath is caused by bacteria, tooth decay, smoking or rich and spicy food. It can seem particularly unpleasant when you wake up in the morning after you’ve been drinking the night before. During the night your body produces less saliva (a natural mouthwash) and a thin, creamy coating forms over your teeth, tongue and gums. Healthy bacteria break it down producing mild toxins which smell and taste horrid. However, in some cases bad breath can be caused by medication and stomach ulcers.

“We flirted along the South Bank, his cute arse just begging for it as he leant over the pier at Butler’s Wharf. There is nothing more intoxicating than the moment on a date when you know that after fucking each other’s brains out there will be something else to talk about. As we moved in for the first kiss, I reeled back from a tsunami of putrid toxins, lost my balance, and fell into his mouth. To make matters worse, my distress was plain to see and he looked about apologetically for a culprit. A dick shrivelled and cold pre cum was all that was left of the date and a memory, seared into conciousness, stepping into dog shit on my way to school, the heady aroma of gelatinous pooh taking my gag reflex to the next level.” Tony, London 2014


Plaque is a sticky coating on the teeth made up of saliva, bacteria and particles of food. It is the main cause of tooth decay and gingivitis (an infection of the gums). If allowed to accumulate it will become hard and increasingly difficult to remove. Plaque begins to form within hours of cleaning and is responsible for the furry feeling of un-brushed teeth. If the gums are unhealthy the plaque tends to spread more quickly. The bacteria can also rapidly erode teeth enamel and voilà… a cavity! Or voilà, voilà, voilà… lots of cavities that need filling. Plaque should be removed at least twice a day using a toothbrush and dental floss.


Gingivitis is usually caused by a build-up of plaque. It is thought that the toxins produced by bacteria within the plaque irritate the gums, causing them to become infected, tender and swollen. Gingivitis can also result from injury to the gums, usually from rough brushing of teeth or flossing as if you’re lassoing a steer. Healthy gums are pink or brown and firm. Poorly gums become a reddish-purple, mushy, shiny and swollen. The gums bleed easily during brushing and are often tender. Good oral hygiene is the main means of preventing and treating gingivitis – and not letting the plaque form in the first place. In some cases, a special mouthwash will ease the symptoms.

Tips for teeth

  • You should visit a dentist every six months. If not, or if you leave it until pain and discomfort occurs, you are storing up potentially horrific problems for later on
  • Clean your teeth at least twice a day, ideally after each meal. This should take no less than 3-4 minutes
  • Renew your toothbrush or electric toothbrush head every couple of months, or per instructions
  • Electric toothbrushes are recommended, especially for removing plaque
  • Floss your teeth at least once a day to help prevent your gums from receding (a major cause of tooth loss)
  • After meals use a toothpick to dislodge food from between your teeth
  • Chewing gum produces saliva which breaks down bacteria. Choose a sugar-free variety
  • Sugar rots teeth, so choose foods, sweets and drinks with reduced or no sugar
  • Mouthwashes and freshener sprays mask bad breath, they don’t sort it out
  • Teeth whiteners which use bleach can produce results but can damage the enamel. Check with your dentist first
Find a Dentist | NHS 
Gum disease | Tooth decay | Toothache | NHS 
British Dental Health Foundation | British Dental Foundation
Teeth | Wikipedia

What if you stopped brushing your teeth forever? | AsapSCIENCE | 3 Jan 2019 | 2m 57s
How to brush your teeth with a manual toothbrush | Brush DJ  | 3 Nov 2012 | 2m 25s

Do I need to floss my teeth? | The Conversation | 27 Apr 2020
Five ways to get whiter teeth | The Guardian | 8 Sep 2019

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Covering the surface of the body and weighing over 4kg (9lbs), skin is the largest body organ. Made from keratin, a hard protein, it provides a barrier against the environment, bacteria and other foreign organisms and keeps many organs from falling through the skeleton. Just as well then. Self-repairing and self-regenerating when damaged, unbroken skin is waterproof and protects the body from exposure to the sun’s harmful rays by producing melanin, a dark pigment, which forms a layer to absorb ultraviolet light; this is why we tan in the sun.

Skin also plays a key role in controlling body temperature and water balance. For example, body hairs become erect in the cold trapping warm hair close to the skin, and sweat glands secrete sweat to cool the body when it’s too hot. Full of nerve endings, skin also helps us understand our surroundings as it constantly transmits information about touch, pressure, pain and temperature for the brain to interpret. So, in short: don’t leave home without it.

Skin is attached to deeper body tissues with elastic fibres called collagen which allows the body to grow and stretch. As we get older, those parts of the body which have been exposed to the ageing effects of sunlight (the face, neck and hands, for example) lose elasticity as the collagen fibres break down. This is what causes bagginess and wrinkles and turns some of us into prunes.

Since the purpose of skin is to protect us from the environment, it’s not surprising that – from time to time – it breaks down. While many skin problems are rarely life-threatening and are relatively easy to treat, their effects can be devastating, particularly if you suffer from recurrent episodes. That ‘hot date’ suddenly becomes a nightmare as you explode with spots or an unexplained body rash. Common skin problems include:

  • Acne (spots) – skin follicles blocked with excess sebum (which lubricates the skin) and infected with bacteria. Also known as white/black heads which usually affect men during puberty but can affect us later on in life as well
  • Eczema or dermatitis – inflamed, irritable, flaky, dry skin sometimes caused by allergies, although in many cases the cause is unknown. However, skin tests can sometimes determine the cause
  • Athlete’s foot – a fungal or bacterial infection causing itchy and sore skin between the toes usually associated with wearing shoes and sweaty feet
  • Dandruff – see Hair
Hair | MEN R US

DIY help

Unless you know the cause of your skin condition (and any appropriate treatment) seek professional help – probably your GP in the first instance.

  • If you are an acne sufferer – avoid greasy skin and hair preparations that clog up the pores making it more difficult for your skin to breathe properly. A chemist should be able to suggest acne preparations which can be helpful in mild cases.
  • If you suffer from eczema or dermatitis an inexpensive moisturiser can help ensure your skin doesn’t dry out.
  • Changes in your diet can reduce the problem; for example, some eczema sufferers find that reducing dairy products can help.
  • Stress can trigger or exacerbate skin complaints – consider learning a relaxation technique. Many skin conditions can be helped by some exposure to sunlight – but we’re not talking sun tanning or burning!
  • If you suffer from athlete’s foot, a range of over-the-counter creams, sprays and powders are available. Simply ask your chemist.

Skin care tips

  • Make sure your diet contains plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables
  • Drink at least eight glasses of non-carbonated water every day; drinks containing caffeine, eg: tea, coffee, and soft drinks don’t count
  • Give up smoking which can cause premature wrinkling
  • Wash regularly with a mild soap and water to remove dirt and dead skin, rinsing off all soap thoroughly
  • Don’t spend too long in the bath or shower and make sure the water is not too hot
  • Use a moisturiser compatible with your skin type
  • Dry carefully but thoroughly between your toes and fingers
  • When you’re out in the sun, put on a sunscreen (with an appropriate factor) on exposed skin, wear sunglasses to protect your eyes and a cap to protect your head and the back of your neck
  • Wrap up well in cold and windy weather
  • Avoid direct contact with hazardous irritant substances such as household bleach and paint stripper
Skin | NHS
Human skin | Wikipedia

The science of skin | TED-Ed | 12 Mar 2018 | 5m 10s
Skin (Integumentary System) | Bozeman Science | 10 Mar 2014 | 7m 31s
What is skin for? | MinuteEarth | 27 Oct 2013 | 2m 7s

Protect your skin and eyes in the sun | NHS
Sun, UV and cancer | Cancer Research UK

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Body odour (BO)

Sweating is essential and about controlling your body temperature and stop you overheating. Each day, the body gets rid of 2-3 litres of water through 2 million sweat glands. That’s about a teaspoon or 2ml every minute so it’s not surprising that body scents and odours occur naturally.

Sweat itself doesn’t really smell unless you’ve been at the garlic, curries or alcohol. Body odour (BO) is when sweat turns stale – a reaction between fats and proteins in the sweat and bacteria that live on the surface of the skin. Having said that, some men prefer a strong ripe body odour to a less aggressive body scent.

Our natural body scent, often a musky smell on the skin, is an individual fingerprint of who we are. In moderation, it’s generally regarded as pleasant and we respond and get turned on by the right scent in others.

They don’t make ads like this anymore …
5 Classic Retro Deodorant Commercials | Classic Commercials | 10 Mar 2014 | 2m 27s

BO happens is worse in the moist enclosed airless areas of your body where the bacteria thrive particularly well; eg: arm pits, arse crack, and the groin (behind your balls/ between your legs).

You also have sweat glands on your forehead, palms and soles of your feet which is why you can sweat a lot if you put on a woolly hat, or thick gloves. Your feet have around 500,000 sweat glands and unlike other parts of our body are usually covered and enclosed by shoes or trainers. When feet are not ventilated, trapped warm sweat is a breeding ground for very smelly bacteria.

Sorting out BO

  • Shower or bath every day to kill the bacteria on your skin; on hot days you may have to do this more often. Afterwards dry yourself and feet (between the toes) properly
  • Gently but thoroughly, wash right under and around the armpits using an antibacterial soap (which should say so on the packaging). Avoid over-washing as this can remove healthy skin bacteria and make the problem worse
  • Wear natural fibres, such as wool, silk or cotton which allows skin to breathe so sweat evaporates more quickly. Conversely, avoid synthetic and/ or tight fitting clothes which trap sweat
  • Wear clean clothes, particularly underwear and socks; no buts on this one! If you don’t wear underwear, remember you will have wash your jeans/ trousers more often
  • Make sure you wash your clothes regularly
  • Use a deodorant or an antiperspirant after showering or bathing
    Shaving your armpits will allow sweat to evaporate quicker, giving bacteria less time to break it down (though this may not be the look you’re after)
    Reduce spicy foods (eg: garlic, onions, curry or garlic) which make your sweat smell worse. There is also evidence that eating a lot of red meat and heavily processed foods can make BO worse
  • Sleep naked!

Antiperspirants and deodorants

Most people think that antiperspirants and deodorants are the same thing, but the active ingredients differ. Experiment as you may find some more effective than others.

  • Antiperspirants work by reducing the amount of sweat produced by your body. Antiperspirants contain aluminium chloride, a chemical that reduces sweating, and often also contain a deodorant. Roll-on antiperspirants tend to be more effective if you sweat heavily
  • Deodorants work by masking and/ or neutralising sweat smell with antiseptics against bacteria and can preferable because they don’t interfere with sweating

Experiment with a few to find which type and method of delivery suits you best. Some can cause irritation and you’d be unwise to apply them to broken skin or on your cock and balls. If you still have a BO problem, chemists have stronger antiperspirants which reduce the amount of sweat you produce, but can cause skin irritation. Further problems: see your GP.

Body odour | NHS
Body odour | Wikipedia
Body Scent and pheromones | MEN R US
Body odour and sexual attraction | Wikipedia

How To Solve Every Type Of Body Odour: What Works And What Doesn’t | Huffington post | 1 Aug 2022

What causes body odor? | Mel Rosenberg | TED Ed | 5 Apr 2018 | 4m 28s
Let’s Talk About Armpit Smell: Natural Hygiene and Body Odor | Rob Greenfield | 28 Jan 2016
How To Sweat Less: The Science of Sweating | The Royal Institution | 4 Jun 2015 | 3m 07s

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With over 25 bones and a complex structure of muscles, tendons and ligaments, your feet keep you upright and balanced for a lifetime and absorb the impact of your body weight whether you’re walking or running.

And yet, our feet are probably the last thing we think about until they start hurting or when we expect someone to hold them, rub them or lick them. In fact, when it comes to our health routines, feet and toenails often fall to the bottom of the list.

Problems include odour, fungal infections, cracked skin, calluses, corns, and ingrown toenails – many easily avoided. So, here are our top tips for keeping the skin, bones and muscles of your feet functioning properly. However, if you have any concerns see you GP pronto.

Wash your feet every day gently but thoroughly with soap and warm water to get rid of dirt, sweat and bacteria, including the eight spaces in between your toes. Don’t forget to dry them properly. And feet can be ‘forgotten’ if you shower, particularly in cramped spaces where you can’t bend down. Also, if you tend to bath or shower in the morning you may be taking dirt into the bed with you at night.

Moisturise your feet regularly as there’s nothing worse than dried or cracked feet. Cocoa butter is good, for example, a natural emollient. If they’re particularly dry consider rubbing in some lotion or petroleum jelly at night bed (then putting on socks to protect the sheets). It will leave them soft but take care not to over moisturise between the toes which can lead to fungus.

Fit your feet
Your feet will perform better if your shoes (including sandals or trainers) fit and support your feet, keep them dry and clean and allow them to breathe at a comfortable temperature. For example, tight shoes cause hammer toe, corns, ingrown toenails and general pain while overly large cause blisters and calluses, sore heels and excessive shoe wear. Also, synthetic materials tend not to breathe as well (trapping heat and moisture) while natural materials like leather and cotton will keep your feet cooler and release moisture. Athletic shoes with specialist materials or mesh can work even better.

Rotate your shoes
You can’t avoid foot sweat, but you can try to alternate your shoes so that the pair you wore yesterday has a chance to dry out completely before you wear them again. If you wonder why your trainers smell so rank (maybe a mate has had the decency to tell you) it may because you’ve been wearing the same pair.

Change your socks
Change your socks daily; not every 2nd or 3rd day from a pile in the corner! Change your socks more often if you feel they are damp or sweaty; maybe taking an extra clear pair with you for when you finish at the gym. Socks made of natural fibres like cotton or wool draw moisture away from your feet while high-performance socks made of synthetic materials can do the job better because the material doesn’t compress as much when saturated with sweat.

Keep shoes clean
Avoid putting clean feet into shoes with dried sweat and bacteria. This can be difficult when you’re slipping on the same trainers everyday, but each time you do this makes the problem worse. Some guys will pop trainers into the washing machine (once in a while at a low temp wash) but don’t come running to us if they fall apart. You have been warned and it’s your call. Sometimes it’s just time to buy a new pair.

Changing rooms
It’s the place where feet meet so take precautions so you don’t end up with someone else’s foot fungus. Changing areas are typically damp environments next to showers so a haven for fungus and bacteria. It’s notoriously difficult drying feet properly in a public changing area before putting on socks and shoes. Some guys wear flip flops, and try not to share with others; eg: if a guy lends you his towel, how do you know he’s not used it on his feet first? Are you going to ask him?

Foot fungus
Athlete’s foot and other foot fungus just lurve to grow in damp, moist environments. Deny them this and it’s probably our top tip when it comes to prevention. We’re putting it at the bottom because if you follow the steps above you will all but eliminate the likelihood of getting an infection.

How to stop smelly feet | NHS
Foot pain | NHS
Ingrown toenail | NHS
Athlete’s foot | NHS

Foot (unit of measurement) | Wikipedia
Foot fetishism | Wikipedia

Fetishes | MEN R US 

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These days, nipple, ear, navel and eyebrow piercings are relatively common. Nipple piercing goes back thousands of years and is believed at one time to have been a sign of allegiance and manhood within Caesar’s Pretorian Guard. Many Roman statues are thought to show pierced nipples, but they could be representing a lorica or breastplate. There are even suggestions that cloaks were fastened to them. If true, they would have been very lightweight particularly when in battle – for obvious reasons!

Genital piercings (through the cock and balls) also have a long history. The ampalang (a barbell placed horizontally through the glans) comes from Borneo, where the women of certain tribes will not marry a man who does not have one. This and other piercings like the hafada (a ring through the ball sac) were considered rites of passage by some cultures, to mark the passage of a boy to a man.

The Prince Albert (a ring passing in through the urethra and exiting at the back of the glans, underneath and to one side or other of the frenum) has a more intriguing origin. During the Victorian era, the bulge of a cock in a man’s trouser was considered unsightly. This piercing could be used to strap the penis in place which is where the saying ‘…on which side does Sir dress’ is thought to originate. It is also rumoured that Prince Albert wore one, hence the piercing’s name. While genital piercings have become popular with some gay men, they are still a relatively small group, even though in some ‘specialist clubs’ you could be forgiven for thinking that you’d walked into an armoury.

Part of the pleasure of piercings has to do with the subtle sensations of wearing them, and there is no doubt that these types of piercing can be strikingly visual and a real turn-on, both for those exhibiting them and those admiring them. What you can have pierced will depend on your anatomy. A good body piercer should be able to advise you as to what will suit and the types of jewellery that will be most comfortable or visually striking.

Choosing your piercing

The barbell, the ball closure ring and banana bell (with equal sized balls) are not unusual. Normally a barbell in any body piercing will heal quicker than a ring, as there is nothing sticking out to catch or rub on clothes. Only jewellery made from highest grade surgical stainless steel or solid gold should be worn in a piercing. Silver and other metals which can tarnish should never be used.

The important thing is to discuss what you want with the piercer who – if they’re good – will encourage you to do so. It may also be helpful to discuss it with friends who have piercings. For men, the experience of the piercing can be quite intense and can lead to an endorphin rush and can be an essential part of the ritual. For others, it’s a sharp, intense feeling, but like with a tattoo, you only really feel it as the needle goes in.

Check list

  • Ask your GP if there are any reasons why you shouldn’t have a piercing (other than his/her thoughts on the matter)
  • If you need more than one visit to choose what you want, check over the clinic and discuss your needs with the studio – do so
  • Believe it or not, there is no uniform standard in the UK. However, studios have to be registered in London with their London Borough and, elsewhere, they are usually registered with the local council (where they have to have a licence) or the health authority
  • Set sufficient time aside, eg: it’s not a particularly intelligent idea to have a tattoo or piercing on your way to work!
  • Make sure the studio is covered by the appropriate health certification
  • The studio should be scrupulously clean with separate waiting, tattooing/piercing, and sterilisation areas
  • Get the studio to explain in advance the procedures involved and answer any questions
  • After the tattoo/piercing, the studio should provide you with a written aftercare sheet
  • If you have any doubts – follow your gut instinct and leave… you can always go back or find another studio

 Piercing after care

  • Remove dressing after four hours
  • Clean with TCP antiseptic for two days only
  • Continue to clean with pre-boiled water and salt
  • Do not pull or tug jewellery
  • Ensure that your hands are pre-cleaned using an anti-bacterial soap before touching your new piercing
  • If you have any problems then contact your piercer for advice, this can usually eliminate a trip to your local GP
Body piercing | NHS
Body piercing | Wikipedia
Genital piercing | Wikipedia
List of body piercings | Wikipedia

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Tattoo | MENRUS.CO.UKThe word, tattoo comes from the Tahitian word tattau, which means to mark, and was first mentioned in explorer James Cook’s records from his 1769 expedition to the South Pacific.

Some scientists have said that certain marks on the skin of a mummified human body dating from about 3300BC are tattoos. If that’s true, these markings represent the earliest known evidence of the practice. More widely recognised are tattoos found on Egyptian and Nubian mummies dating from about 2000BC.

Today, tattoos are created by injecting ink into the skin. The tattoo machine as we know it today has remained relatively unchanged since it was invented in the late 1800s and carries ink into your skin through a needle that moves up and down like a sewing machine.

Today’s machines puncture the skin at the rate of 50 to 3,000 times a minute. The sterilized needles are dipped in ink, which is sucked up through the machine’s tube system. Using an up-and-down motion to puncture the top layer of the skin they drive the ink into the skin, to about 3mm deep. What you see when you look at a tattoo is the ink that’s left in the skin after the tattooing. At this depth, cells of the dermis are remarkably stable so the tattoo’s ink will last, with minor fading and dispersion, for your entire life.

The size and type of your tattoo and the skill of the artist help determine the amount of pain involved. Pain also depends on the location of your tattoo: the lower back and ankle are popular places for tattoos, but it’s much less painful to get one on your chest or upper arm. This is because skin right above your bones tends to be more sensitive to needles while there’s extra body mass in the upper arm or chest to cushion the bones.

You should think carefully before getting a tattoo. A tattoo is to all intents and purposes permanent, and what you want when you are younger usually changes as you get older.

Tattoo removal is considerably more painful and expensive than tattooing. The process usually takes several sessions and offers varying results. Highly visible tattoos have been know to hinder career interests and plans. Speak to a friend who has a tattoo and ask him about his experience.

“Being able to blend into the background and remain covert is of paramount importance in our investigations. Any distinguishing features such as tattoos on your face, neck or forearms would make you more recognisable to someone who is under surveillance and would therefore make you unsuitable for this role.”
Mobile Surveillance Officers Ref: 98 Job Description | MI5

Check list

  • Ask your GP if there are any reasons why you shouldn’t have a tattoo (other than his/her personal thoughts on the matter)
  • If you need more than one visit to choose what you want, check over the clinic and discuss your needs with the studio – do so
  • Believe it or not there is no uniform standard in the UK. However, studios have to be registered in London with their London Borough; elsewhere they are usually registered with the local council (where they have to have a licence) or the health authority
  • Set sufficient time aside, it’s not a particularly intelligent idea to have a tattoo or piercing on your way to work!
  • Make sure the studio is covered by the appropriate health certification
  • The studio should be scrupulously clean with separate waiting, tattooing/ piercing and sterilisation areas
  • Ask the studio to explain in advance the procedures involved, and answer any questions that you may have
  • After the tattoo/piercing, the studio should provide you with a written after care sheet
  • If you have any doubts – follow you gut instinct – and leave

 Tattoo after care

  • Remove any dressing after two hours
  • Wash with warm soap and water and pat dry with a clean towel
  • Do not recover the tattoo
  • Do not get the tattoo contaminated with grease, dirt, paint etc
  • Do not expose the tattoo to the sun
  • Apply small amounts of Savlon cream to the tattoo for the first two days
  • Do not pick or scratch the tattoo
  • Wash the tattoo twice daily
What Makes Tattoos Permanent? | AsapTHOUGHT | 14 Apr 2016 | 5m 57s
 The Cock-Up | Tattoo Fixers | S1-Ep1 | E4 | 22 Jun 2015 | 1m 12s

Tattoo | Wikipedia

A brief history of the British tattoo: How we got inked | 20 Mar 2017
How tattoos became fashionable in Victorian England | The Conversation | 12 Dec 2019
London police now allowed visible tattoos – so is body art still rebellious? | The Conversation | 2 Dec 2018
The rise and rise of the tattoo | The Guardian | 20 Jul 2010

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Our relationship with food

Our relationship with food is lifelong and influenced by friends, family, culture and years of programming. You only have to offer prawns to a White Brit for breakfast to see that our tastes are shaped by our heritage! So, whilst it’s tempting to suggest that food is simply fuel it’s actually far more complicated: what, when and why we eat is about more than fuelling our bodies.

Eating is also a social ritual: if you’ve ever been taken out for dinner then you’ll know that the meal was about much more than fuelling-up. Likewise, if you’ve ever reached for the ice cream after an argument, had chips because you felt like a treat, headed for the fridge because you were bored, or been so wound up you didn’t want to eat at all, then you’ll know that mood and food often go hand in hand.

We eat for fun, for comfort, for fuel and to socialise, and given that it’s a daily necessity, it’s hardly surprising that we can find ourselves in a love-hate relationship with the stuff. Nowadays, with one quarter of the UK adult population seriously overweight and eating disorders apparently on the rise, like it or not, finding ways to enjoy food and live well is more important than ever.

For some of us, our relationship with food and can get really tricky. Lots of us eat for comfort but find the relief it brings short-lived. It can be easy to get into a cycle of eating to feel better and feeling worse as a result: “I feel crap…” “I eat to comfort myself…” “I worry about putting on fat…” “I feel crap…” and so on. Similarly, some of us find ourselves in vicious cycles where we go on special diets in an attempt to sculpt our bodies, or to feel better about life, but end up finding things getting out of control. When things get out of hand in these ways and a pattern sets in, it’s time to wonder whether the problem has become an Eating Disorder.

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Eating disorder myths

Let’s start by dealing with some of the common myths:

Myth 1: Only women get eating disorders
The truth is that men get eating disorders too! And that includes gay men. In fact, recent research suggests that eating disorders might be more of a problem for gay men than their straight counterparts.

Myth 2: People with eating disorders are stick thin
Actually, the majority of people with eating disorders are what would be considered a healthy weight (i.e. with a body mass index between 18.5 and 25). The stereotype might be of an emaciated woman but for many of us this stereotype means our problems go unnoticed.

Myth 3: Eating disorders are all about vanity
Whilst eating disorders sometimes start with people’s attempts to look better, for many they are a response to stress, feeling out of control or being miserable. Anyone who has experienced it will tell you that having an eating disorder does not make them look good or feel good.

Myth 4: Eating disorders are all about food
Ask anyone with experience and they’ll tell you that eating is central to the problem, and also far less than the whole story. For men, driven exercise, burning calories and building muscle can be part of the picture too: and not necessarily in an attempt to look good, but simply to feel less bad. The issues can run deep: for some it’s about simply finding a way to feel ‘good enough’, or to cope with shame, whilst for others it can feel like a runaway train.

Myth 5: Guys with eating disorders are drama llamas who could eat normally if they just got a grip
If only it was this easy. When an eating disorder takes hold it leaves the person with very little control of their eating habits. Many who are dangerously underweight wish they could eat more but find themselves almost paralysed by the prospect. Likewise, many who binge find themselves feeling totally out of control and unable to stop.

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Eating disorder facts

So, now you know about some of the myths, let’s move on to some of the facts.

Fact 1: Eating disorders are serious
Not only are they miserable to live with, eating disorders can be very serious. Research shows that people with eating disorders are more likely to die or to suffer ill health than those with almost any other mental health problem.

Fact 2: One in twenty people will have an eating disorder at some point in their life.
Whilst eating disorders are thought to be more common in women than in men, new evidence suggests that many men’s problems go unnoticed and that lots more guys are affected than was at first thought.

Fact 3: Men’s eating disorders are poorly understood and often go unnoticed.
Unfortunately, because of the focus on women, the problems men experience tend to be misinterpreted. Whilst some women’s problems grow out of a desire to lose weight, it’s common for men’s difficulties to start with plans to build muscle mass. Believe it or not, lots of the toned, beautiful, muscular guys you’ll see on the scene are struggling with eating problems.

Fact 4: If you’re a man with an eating problem, it’s easy to feel like you’re on your own, but help and support are available: you just need to reach out.
If you need treatment for an eating problem, then the place to start is with a trip to your GP. Not all GPs are good at spotting eating problems and some, rather sadly, believe in the myths, so you may need to be clear with your GP that you have a problem and want a referral to an Eating Disorder Service. Your GP will then make the arrangements for you to see a specialist who will understand and know what to do.

Fact 5: There is support out there for men with eating problems.

National charity which also runs support groups for men and women together, as well as providing online support.
Beat Helpline support runs 12pm–8pm during the week, and 4pm–8pm on weekends and bank holidays
Helpline 0808 801 0677
Studentline 0808 801 0811
Youthline 0808 801 0711
One-to-One Web Chat

Anorexia and Bulimia Care (ABC)
Runs support groups for men and women in many parts of the country and provide information and other forms of support.
Anorexia and Bulimia Care (ABC)
Helpline 03000 11 12 13| Mon-Fri, 9am–5pm

Over Eaters Anonymous
Fellowship of individuals who, through shared experience, strength and hope, are recovering from compulsive overeating. Welcomes everyone who wants to stop eating compulsively. The OA Programme is based on the twelve-step recovery programme of Alcoholics Anonymous. In OA we admit that we are powerless over food and cannot manage our eating behaviours alone. In OA we find others who can help us to find a saner and more beneficial way to deal with our eating problems and our living problems. There is no ‘charge’ for attending an OA meeting. However, the meetings do have to pay rent to the venue in which they meet and pay for other expenses such as literature, tea, coffee and supporting the various service boards and committees, which help OA to function and reach new members.
Over Eaters Anonymous


Eating disorders | NHS
Eating problems | MIND
Eating disorder | Wikipedia


Some English patients with eating disorders sent to Scotland for treatment | The Guardian | 12 Sep 2023
New research shows eating disorder stereotypes prevent people finding help | BEAT | No date
Over 100,000 gay or bisexual men in the UK living with an eating disorder | Pink News | 23 Jul 2022
Eating disorder stereotypes prevent LGBT+ people getting help | Pink News | 25 Feb 2019
How body ideals shape the health of gay men | The Conversation | 6 Jan 2019
How being a gay man can make your body issues worse | BBC 3 | 6 Mar 2018
Nearly half of US LGBT+ teens have an eating disorder, says study | Pink News | 1 Mar 2018
Eating disorders in the LGBT community | Psychology Today | 7 Jun 2017
Men, eating disorders, and why gender matters | HuffPost | 21 Aug 2017

Eating disorders in the LGBT community: Coming Out Twice documentary | Pink News | 23 Jul 2019 | 11m 32s
Gay men and body issues | Jeff Heimsath | 13 May 2011 | 3m 42s
 My battle with bulimia | Joel Wood | 9 Oct 2020 | 15m 43s

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What the body needs

In order for the body to function efficiently, it needs:

  • Protein for body growth, maintenance and repair. Protein also provides the raw materials for tissues and fluids and helps maintain the chemical balance in the brain, spine and intestine. Sources of protein include meat, dairy products, eggs, fish, chicken, pulses, nuts and seeds
  • Carbohydrates provide the body’s main source of energy. Carbohydrates exist in two different types: simple sugars and complex carbohydrates such as starch. The majority of the diet should be made up of the latter. Sources of these include bread, pasta, rice, fruit, potatoes and other vegetables, and pulses
  • Fat provides essential fatty acids for the production of substances such as hormones and cell membranes, and is also used as a concentrated energy source. Fat is found in most foods although butter, cheese, lard, margarine and oil all have high-fat contents
  • Fibre has almost no nutritional value but has several key functions. It helps the digestive system absorb water from food and bulks shit so that it can pass more easily through the body. Foods containing fibre fill you up without piling on the calories. It can also help in lowering fat levels in the blood. Sources of fibre include whole grain bread, cereal, oats, fresh fruit and vegetables and pulses
  • Vitamins are essential to tissue-building, hormones, nerve and muscle function and protection against illness and disease. Needed in small quantities, they are vital to the diet because they cannot be made by the body. Most foods are packed with vitamins but many of them increasingly lose their value the more the food is refined and cooked
  • Minerals help regulate the body’s water balance, and the acidity level of body fluids. They assist in body growth and repair. Like vitamins, they are needed in small quantities but are usually found in most foods although they lose their value the more they are cooked
  • Water is the body’s most important component, in that it makes up well over two-thirds of our bodies. All organs and tissues are dependent on water, and, without sufficient quantities, they will stop working. Blood, which is made up mainly of water, carries dissolved nutrients and oxygen to the body’s tissues and carries away waste products including carbon dioxide

Water | Three Flying Piglets for MEN R US | 2017 | 44s

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A balanced mix of foods

So, to meet the body’s nutritional requirements, your diet should ideally contain a balanced mix of foods from the following groups (the percentages are a guide) and approximately two litres of water taken throughout the day.

  • 30% – Fruit and vegetables – eat plenty of these with at least five portions a day
  • 30% – Bread (preferably wholemeal), pasta and rice – eat plenty of these, making them the main part of every meal
  • 15% – Milk and dairy foods – eat moderate amounts, choosing lower fat versions whenever you can
  • 15% – A balance of meat (white rather than red), fish, and meat substitutes such as eggs, lentils, beans (pulses), nuts and textured vegetable protein (TVP) – eat moderate amounts whenever you can
  • 10% – Foods high fat and sugar – eat these in small amounts and/or not very often

When making changes to your diet the following guide may be helpful:

  • Eat more of these…
    Apples, bananas, beans, beetroot, bread, cabbage, carrots, cauliflower, cereals, cottage cheese, cucumber, dried fruit, fish, fresh herbs, fruit, fruit juice (unsweetened), lentils, lettuce, mangetout, mushrooms, onions, pasta, peas, peppers, rice, spinach, sugar snaps, skimmed milk, sweetcorn, tomatoes.
  • Eat these in moderation, choosing lower fat versions wherever possible…
    Avocado, baked beans (unsweetened), cheese, eggs, honey, mayonnaise (low fat/diet), meat (red and white), nuts (unsalted), potatoes, prawns, pulses, semi-skimmed milk, yoghurt (low fat).
  • Eat less of these…
    Alcohol, bacon, biscuits, butter, cakes, canned drinks, cereals (sweetened), chips, chocolate, cream, crisps, doughnuts, fatty meat, fried foods, fruit juice (sweetened), full-cream milk, ice cream, jams or conserves, marmalade, mayonnaise, oily salad dressings, pastry, paté, peanut butter, puddings, salad cream, salami, salted nuts, sauces, sausages, sour cream, sugar, sweets, syrup.

The Eatwell Guide | NHS
The Eatwell Guide shows how much of what we eat overall should come from each food group to achieve a healthy, balanced diet.

Live Well | NHS
 Eating a balanced diet | NHS
 The Eatwell Guide | NHS
 Food and nutrition | NHS inform (Scotland)
Healthy eating | British Heart Foundation
Diet (Nutrition) | Wikipedia
A healthy, balanced diet | British Nutrition Foundation
What is a healthy, balanced diet for diabetes? | Diabetes UK

What is a balanced diet? | BBC Bitesize | 58s

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CaloriesThe amount of energy in an item of food or drink is measured in calories. When we eat and drink more calories than we use up, our bodies store the excess as body fat. If this continues, over time we may put on weight.

As a guide, an average man needs around 2,500kcal (10,500kJ) a day to maintain healthy body weight. For an average woman, that figure is around 2,000kcal (8,400kJ) a day. These values can vary depending on age, size and levels of physical activity, among other factors. (Source: NHS).

The Eatwell Guide | NHS
The Eatwell Guide shows how much of what we eat overall should come from each food group to achieve a healthy, balanced diet.
Understanding calories | NHS
Calories | Wikipedia
A balanced diet: do the numbers matter? | British Heart Foundation
Alcohol and calories | Drinkaware

Is calorie counting a scam? | AsapSCIENCE | 13 Jan 2022 | 5m 37s
 What is a calorie? | TED-Ed | 13 Jul 2015 | 4m 11s

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Food labelling

After decades of debate and wrangling, a new consistent system of front-of-pack food labelling was introduced in the UK in 2013. A combination of colour coding and nutritional information will be used to show how much fat, salt and sugar and how many calories are in each product.

These measurements are also used to provide the nutritional information on the front of food packaging (eg: ready meals) and the side or back of food packets (eg: cereals)… though some of the information is printed in tiny tiny tiny writing which we think is very naughty.

Food labelling | British Heart Foundation
Nutrition labels on the back or side of packaging | NHS
Food labels | NHS
Food labelling and packaging | GOV.UK

 Leading UK food businesses call for clearer rules on food labelling | The Guardian | 13 Mar 2023 
Why ‘best before’ food labelling is not best for the planet or your budget | The Conversation | 18 Sep 2022
Food expiration dates don’t have much science behind them – a food safety researcher explains another way to know what’s too old to eat | The Conversation 21 Jul 2022
Food labels too complicated for most shoppers to understand – new research | The Conversation | 8 Oct 2019
 Food labelling: Consistent system to be rolled out | BBC 19 Jun 2013

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A little bit about fats

ENGLISH BREAKFASTFats can be very confusing but in short some fats are better than others. We tend to eat too much saturated fat (present in meat and animal products) which can increase the risk of heart disease.

Current UK government guidelines advise cutting down on all fats and replacing saturated fat with some unsaturated fat (which comes from vegetable sources). In recent years, the popular media has turned the debate about the causes of major public health issues such as heart disease, diabetes and obesity into something of a ‘fat versus sugar’ dogfight. But the question should not be about choosing between fat or sugar: there are good reasons for cutting down on both.

Fat: the facts | NHS
Fats explained | British Heart Foundation
Fat (the science of fat) | British Nutrition Foundation
English obesity policies have long been unfit for purpose, but they are improving – new research | The Conversation | 25 Jan 2021

Butter vs Margarine | AsapSCIENCE | 28 Feb 2013 | 3m 9s

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A little bit about salt

Many of us in the UK eat too much salt. Too much salt can raise your blood pressure, which puts you at increased risk of health problems such as heart disease and stroke. Many processed foods are packed with salt, which contributes to high blood pressure.

Try to avoid salty foods and choose lower salt versions whenever you can. When eating: don’t pile on the salt before even tasting it – it’s unhealthy and very rude!

Salt: the facts | NHS
Salt | British Heart Foundation
Reducing salt saving lives | World Action on Salt and Health (WASH)
Calculating the salt content of food | World Action on Salt and Health (WASH)
Be salt aware: it’s still an important issue! | British Nutrition Foundation

 World’s first salt and sugar tax could be introduced in England | ITV News | 15 Jun 2021 | 2m 36s
Why is too much salt bad for you? | British Heart Foundation | 30 Jun 2017 | 2m 41s

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A little bit about sugar

The instant ‘lift’ we get from sugar is one of the reasons we turn to it at times of celebration or when we crave comfort and reward. However, even those of us without a sweet tooth may be eating more than we realise because so many everyday, processed foods, from cereals and bread to pasta sauce and soups contain sugar.

But it’s not all bad news – sugar is a carbohydrate found naturally in a host of different foods from lactose in milk to the fructose in fruit and honey. In fact, we need some sugar in our diets to supply ready energy to fuel our muscles and keep our brains active.

There are two types of sugar – naturally occurring sugar like lactose in milk and added sugar, which includes table sugar (sucrose) as well as concentrated sources like fruit juice.

The problem is that many processed foods have added sugar which supplies energy in the form of calories – and very little else. This means our body has to draw on the nutrients from the rest of our diet to process it and this can affect our health, including our immunity – leaving us more prone to bugs and colds.

A high intake of sugar can lead to a feel-good ‘high’ which is often followed by a crashing slump leaving us tired, irritable and craving more sugary foods. It’s a vicious cycle that may be contributing to our weight problems as well as health concerns like diabetes and heart disease.

Sugar | Wikipedia
The facts about sugar | NHS
How much sugar is good for me? | NHS
How much sugar is hiding in your health food? | BBC Food Stories
Sugar, sweeteners and diabetes | Diabetes UK
Sugar (the science of sugar) | British nutrition foundation

Sugar intake must be slashed further, say scientists | BBC News 16 Sep 2014

The shocking amount of sugar hiding in your food | BBC | 6 Jun 2018 | 3m 31s

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A little bit about fibre

Fibre is essential to the digestive system. It swells the bulk of food left after the nutrients have been removed, giving it shape and a dough-like consistency. Without it, your daily poo will come out slimy – like a wet fish, and diets with insufficient fibre can result in irritable bowel syndrome, constipation, haemorrhoids and piles.

Western diets tend to be low in fibre because we eat so much processed and refined food. Fibre comes from vegetables, high fibre breads and fruit and is the part of food that is not digested. It stays in your gut and is passed in poo stools (faeces) adding bulk.

You should aim to have 18-25g a day. Even if you’re on the go, there are easy ways to increase your fibre intake, although too much fibre can lead to constipation if taken with insufficient fluid.

Why is fibre important?

Poo stools are usually soft and easy to pass if you eat enough fibre, and drink enough fluid. We should aim to eat at least 18 grams of fibre per day. (The average person in the UK eats only about 12 grams of fibre each day.) A diet with plenty of fibre:

  • Will help to prevent and treat constipation
  • Will help to prevent some bowel conditions such as diverticular disease, piles (haemorrhoids) and a painful condition of the back passaged (anus), which is called anal fissure
  • May help you to lose or control weight. Fibre is filling but it has no calories and is not digested
  • May reduce the risk of developing bowel cancer
  • May help to lower your blood lipid (cholesterol) level
  • May reduce the risk of developing diabetes and help to control your blood sugar levels

Types of fibre

There are two types of fibre in the diet – insoluble fibre and soluble fibre. They work differently in the body. A combination of both types of fibre should form part of a healthy balanced diet in order to keep your gut healthy. Many foods containing fibre will naturally contain both types.

Insoluble fibre

This type of fibre is found in skin, pith and pips of fruit and vegetables, wheat and bran, corn (maize), nuts and whole grains.

This type of fibre cannot be dissolved in water. It passes through the digestive system mostly unchanged. It acts like a sponge and absorbs water, adds bulk to stools (faeces), and allows waste to be passed through bowels more quickly. This helps to prevent constipation and other conditions such as piles (haemorrhoids) and diverticular disease.

Soluble fibre

This type of fibre is found in oats, barley, psyllium and ispaghula, nuts and seeds, fruit and vegetables, and beans and pulses.

This type of fibre does dissolve in water and can be broken down by the natural germs (bacteria) in the bowels. It softens stools and makes them larger, so that they are easier to pass. It also forms a gel in the stomach when mixed with water. The gel binds with excess cholesterol so it does not get absorbed, which helps to reduce the risk of heart disease. Also, soluble fibre helps to slow down the digestion of food; therefore, sugar (glucose – our main source of energy) is released and absorbed slowly. This keeps our blood sugar levels steady.


Fibre needs fluid to work, so have lots to drink when you eat a high-fibre diet or fibre supplements. Drink at least two litres (about 8-10 cups) per day. This is to prevent a blockage of the gut, which is a rare complication of eating a lot of fibre without adequate fluid. This might include water, sugar-free squashes, herbal/fruit teas, tea and coffee.

Increasing fibre in the diet

You may find that if you eat more fibre or fibre supplements, you may have some bloating and wind at first. This is often temporary. As your gut becomes used to extra fibre, the bloating or wind tends to settle over a few weeks.

If fibre intake is suddenly increased, this can cause symptoms of wind and bloating. Introduce high-fibre foods gradually to allow the gut to become used to the extra fibre. Introduce one new food over a 2- to 3-day period. For example, have porridge for breakfast on the first day; then add beans or extra vegetables to a casserole two days later; then maybe have an extra piece of fruit 2 to 3 days later.

Some people report that a high-fibre diet causes some persistent mild symptoms such as mild pains and bloating. In particular, some people with irritable bowel syndrome find that an increase in fibre makes symptoms worse. But, this may be related to the type of fibre you take. It is probably soluble fibre rather than insoluble fibre that is most helpful, especially when aiming to ease symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome. Bran and other insoluble-based fibre may actually make symptoms worse in some people.

Tips for increasing fibre

  • Swap white bread for wholemeal bread
  • Swap refined cereals such as Rice Krispies® or Cornflakes® to wholegrain versions such as porridge or Bran Flakes®/ Weetabix®/ Shredded Wheat®
  • Swap white rice and pasta to brown/ whole wheat varieties
  • Add extra vegetables to mince, casseroles, soups, stews, curries or chillies
  • Add beans and pulses to mince, casseroles, soups, stews, curries or chillies
  • Snack on a piece of fruit or vegetable sticks
  • Sprinkle seeds (eg, pumpkin seeds, golden linseeds, sunflower seeds) over soups, salads or yoghurt
  • Choose foods labelled with ‘high-fibre’
  • Keep the skins on fruit and vegetables when possible
  • Add nuts or dried fruit to breakfast cereals
  • Serve at least one portion of fruit or vegetables at each mealtime
Why is fibre important?


How to get more fibre into your diet | NHS
Dietary fibre | British Nutrition Foundation
Dietary fibre | Wikipedia
Are you eating enough fibre? | British Heart Foundation
Fibre: for everyone? | Guts UK
Fibre | Heart UK
Fibre (the science of sugar)

Fibre | County Durham and Darlington NHS Foundation Trust | 20 Feb 2017 | 2m 57s

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Nutrition tips

When making changes to your diet

  • Making improvements to your diet can mean changing or breaking lifelong habits. Some of them may be difficult but they can be made
  • Changes don’t have to be wholesale. They should be gradual and easy to maintain
  • Set yourself realistic targets so that you are less likely to feel ‘on a diet’ or that you are being deprived of foods you want but can’t have
  • Eating more healthily is not a test, and punishing yourself for having ‘that cake’ serves no useful purpose and will only make you miserable
  • Don’t be tempted to miss meals. Current thinking suggests that you should eat five times a day: two healthy snacks between three main meals (breakfast, lunch and dinner), evenly spaced
  • Particularly, don’t miss breakfast: you’ll feel hungry all morning and be tempted to snack on unhealthy instant sources of energy

When you’re shopping

  • Before you go decide what you’re going to eat, make a list and stick to it
  • Avoid the temptation to pick up foods which ‘look nice’ or are on ‘special offer’ – many of them will be packed full of sugar and fat
  • Don’t shop when you’re hungry
  • For guidance, read the nutritional information on foods – but don’t obsess!
  • Many foods today come in low or lower-fat versions. For example, if you drink full cream or whole milk, switch to semi-skimmed. There are also a wide range of low(er) fat yoghurts, cheeses and salad dressings
  • If you usually eat red meat, try chicken, turkey or fish instead
  • Ready-made meals can be packed with fat. If you’re buying them choose products containing no more than 5g of fat a serving

When you’re cooking

  • If you eat meat, trim off the visible fat and skin
  • Grill food rather frying
  • Avoid fried or sautéed foods
  • Don’t add salt

When you’re eating

  • Eat calmly, taking time to enjoy the food: savour the tastes and textures
  • Chew your food slowly, rather shovelling it in and swallowing it whole
  • Try to make mealtime a ‘no distraction’ time. Eat from the table and not your lap and resist the temptation to turn your meal into a TV dinner
  • A glass of water with meals will aid digestion and make you feel more full
  • If you tend to pile your plate high – eat off a smaller plate. Eat until you are comfortably full – not bursting or bloated
  • Shovelling food can lead to indigestion and heartburn
  • Try to develop regular eating habits as this will help to regulate your appetite
  • Avoid piling on the salt and sugar

And, if you’re eating out

  • Choose plain grilled meat, fish and poultry and avoid gravies and sauces made with cream or butter
  • Avoid the temptation to smother a healthy meal with butter or high-calorie sauces
  • If you feel brave enough, ask if lower fat versions of meals are available
  • By all means have wine with your meal but remember it’s not calorie free!
Food and diet | NHS
Healthy eating | British Heart Foundation
Enjoy Food: Living with Diabetes | Diabetes UK

Food myths busted: dairy, salt and steak may be good for you after all | The Guardian | 26 Sep 2021

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Your heart

Just for a second, place your hand over your heart and feel it thumping. The heart is the body’s engine room, beating continuously as it pumps blood around the body.

This remarkable organ is a true lifelong friend – all it asks in return is nutritious blood to pump around your body. Beating around 40 million times a year, each beat pumps around 0.15 litres (0.25 pints) of blood in and out of the heart – a staggering 9100 litres (2000 gallons) a day, or 227 million litres (50 million gallons) in a lifetime.

How your heart works | British Heart Foundation
Heart age calculator | NHS
Human heart | Wikipedia

How your heart age is key to heart attack or stroke risk | BBC | 4 Sep 2018

How the heart the works | BUPA | 15 Aug 2013 | 3m 3s

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Blood pressure

Despite the fact we seem perfectly happy to stick out our arm, and have it wrapped up in an inflatable lilo – many men don’t know what their blood pressure is and what it means. Here’s a brief explanation. Blood pressure is the pressure created by the flow of blood through the main arteries. The pressure rises and falls as the heart responds to the demands we make upon it, for example exercise, anxiety and sleep.

Today blood pressure is usually taken using a digital blood pressure monitor machine though you might have it taken with a sphygmomanometer. Two measurements are taken: the systolic or higher pressure records the heart as it beats, pumping blood around the body, while the diastolic or lower pressure records the heart between beats, as it relaxes. If you consistently have a reading of 140/90 or higher, you may have high blood pressure (hypertension). High blood pressure increases your risk of developing some health conditions, including cardiovascular disease.

Generally, the lower your blood pressure, the healthier you are. As a general guide, the ideal blood pressure for a young healthy adult is 120/80 or lower. However, it’s possible to have abnormally low blood pressure. People with a reading of around 90/60 or lower are generally considered to have low blood pressure. For some people with low blood pressure, there may be an underlying cause that could need treatment.

 High blood pressure | British Heart Foundation
High blood pressure (hypertension) | NHS
Blood pressure | Wikipedia

How blood pressure works | TED-Ed | Wilfred Manzano | 25 Jul 2015 | 4m 31s
Having your blood pressure taken | BUPA 8 Aug 2013 | 2m 18s

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Heart problems and solutions

If a kettle is not de-scaled regularly, it will fur up with lime scale, affecting its ability to boil water and contaminating hot drinks with white-grey flaky deposits. Similarly, a lack of exercise, an unhealthy diet, excessive alcohol and smoking will fur up the heart, arteries and veins with sludgy deposits of cholesterol and blood clots. This furring-up makes it increasingly difficult for the heart to function properly, causing it to beat irregularly, slow down or in extreme cases stop completely. The results can be life-threatening and include conditions such as high blood pressure, heart attacks, strokes and angina.

If you’re in your 20s, 30s or 40s, it’s unlikely you’ll give these illnesses a second glance… they happen to people you don’t really know. You may hear about them on the news, or perhaps see them mentioned in health leaflets when you visit your GP, but you’ll probably feel that don’t apply to you (not yet anyway). In many ways, heart disease is about death by stealth. It’s not until you get older that you find out that what you did – or rather didn’t do – when you were younger, has contributed to your first – and perhaps last – heart attack. While you’re partying away in your youth, you can also be laying down the foundations for a dead-cert heart condition later on.

By taking the following steps and integrating them into your life, you can significantly reduce the chances of developing circulatory problems, a heart condition or heart disease.

  • Give up smoking. Twenty cigarettes a day triple the risk of heart trouble.
  • Check your cholesterol level through your GP, particularly if your family has a history of heart problems.
  • Take regular exercise.
  • Lose weight (if you have excess weight to lose).
  • Get your blood pressure checked by your GP.
  • Drink sensibly. Current research suggests that a glass of wine per day can protect against heart disease, but excessive alcohol use leads to its own problems.
Coronary heart disease | NHS
Heart Conditions | British Heart Foundation
Cardiovascular disease | Wikipedia

Are You Sitting Too Much? | AsapSCIENCE | 18 Dec 2014 | 3m 02s
The Science of Laziness | AsapSCIENCE | 22 May 2014 | 2m 37s
Preventing coronary heart disease | BUPA | 18 Dec 2013 | 4m 36s

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Starting exercise

There are many everyday opportunities to improve your level of fitness, but to begin with you should set yourself realistic goals. While many people start out hating exercise, most enjoy it sooner or later and learn to make it part of their everyday life. If you start exercising suddenly you will probably make yourself so stiff you won’t want to try again. You could also injure yourself.

So, if you’re a little (or a lot) out of shape, start slowly to allow your body time to become accustomed to the new demands you’re making on it. Even after a few weeks your ability to exercise will improve, and after a few months you should see an improvement in your stamina.

A good way to introduce exercise into your life is to continue your everyday routine but in ways that require more energy. It’s a simple and easy process that means you don’t automatically have to join a gym or your local football club. Here are a few examples – which don’t cost a penny.

  • When you walk, walk a little faster
  • Try a 15-30 minute walk, increasing it by a few minutes every week – as you feel able
  • Use the stairs instead of the lift – especially if it’s only one floor up or down
  • If you use escalators – walk up instead of standing still
  • For short journeys walk or cycle instead of going by bus, underground or car
  • Get off the bus or train a stop or two early and walk the rest of the way
Get active | NHS 
Staying active | British Heart Foundation

Get out and active | MEN R US
Get out and active is a list of groups, activities and interests in London for gay men only or which are LGBT friendly

Get Active London | Get Active London
Get Active is an online portal which provides the general public with one place to easily search and sign up for sports sessions provided by independent Session Providers.
  020 3848 4630

Exercise and the brain: three ways physical activity changes its very structure | The Conversation | 17 Nov 2020

Comparison: highest calorie-burning exercises | WatchData | 26 Feb 2020 | 5m 28s
 Male body image: the naked truth | BBC Three | 17 Jan 2019 | 14m 23s
The science of motivation | AsapSCIENCE | 7 Jan 2016 | 3m 58s
Weird ways to burn 200 calories | AsapSCIENCE | 11 Jul 2013 | 2m 24s

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Choosing your exercise

The exercise you choose should aim to improve endurance (the ability to keep on exercising without stopping to rest), strength (the ability to use muscles to lift, carry, push and pull a load) and flexibility (the ability to stretch, bend or twist through a wide range of movements).

Swimming and aerobics are good all-rounders promoting endurance, strength and flexibility; weight training focuses on endurance and strength, and jogging on endurance. Sex, on the other hand, provides an opportunity to improve your endurance, flexibility and strength and if you get it regularly, it’s a useful indicator as to your overall level of fitness.

However, there will be factors which may limit how fit you can become, such as your genetic make-up, your natural body shape, musculature, flexibility and metabolism. If you are naturally muscular you may be inclined towards the gym and weight training. Alternatively, if you have a sinewy or lean physique you may be more interested in jogging or running.

Other things to consider

  • The type of exercise or sport that you would like to do, eg: aerobics, walking, cycling, dancing, jogging, running, skipping, squash, swimming, tennis, joining a gym
  • Your short and long-term goals, eg: to have fun, make friends, get fitter and feel better, increase stamina, lose weight
  • How you are going to exercise, eg: by yourself, with a friend, as part of a team
  • When you will exercise, eg: frequency, the time of day, having sufficient time
  • Injury costs, eg: professional fees in the case of treatment
  • Any other costs, eg: travel, fees, membership, equipment, exercise/ sports gear
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Getting more adventurous

Before you start any regular strenuous physical activity, you should see your GP so that other health factors can be taken into account when planning what you aim to do. These factors include:

  • Being significantly overweight
  • Being a smoker
  • Having back problems
  • If you have a chronic disorder such as diabetes, asthma or arthritis
  • An immediate family member has developed heart disease before the age of 40
  • Being under medical treatment for high blood pressure, a heart condition, or other long term disease
  • Being over 35 and having done very little exercise for a few years
  • Being over 50 years old
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Staying motivated

In addition to your goals (see above) here are a few tips to help you stay motivated:

  • Avoid measuring your fitness solely in terms of weight lost, the number of lengths you can swim, or what you can lift. Take into account the fun and exhilaration felt after exercise too
  • If you’re exercising alone, how about finding a partner to exercise with?
  • Vary your routine to avoid becoming bored
  • Keep a record to monitor your progress
  • During repetitive exercises count backwards
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Exercising safely

Anyone who exercises or plays sport regularly is bound to pick up the occasional injury. It probably won’t be serious, but exercising safely is important to ensure that you can keep on exercising while reducing the risks as far as possible.

  • Wear clothing that is comfortable and appropriate for the exercise or sport you are undertaking
  • Before you start, do a five to ten minute stretching routine to prepare you for the exercise itself
  • It may be helpful to seek professional advice from a coach, a more experienced person or manual
  • Use protective equipment available for a specific sport
  • Make sure that any equipment you works properly, and is the correct size
  • Replace exercise shoes which have become worn or that don’t fit properly
  • Don’t smoke, take alcohol or recreational drugs, or eat before exercising. Any of these could make you feel drowsy or dizzy or reduce co-ordination which in turn could lead to an accident or injury
  • However, you may need an energy drink to raise your blood-sugar levels
  • After exercise, cool down with muscle stretches and by continuing to move around for a few minutes to reduce stiffness and soreness
  • Stay warm – a sudden drop in temperature can induce a chill or shock
Fitness training tips | NHS

Bernard Bear: The Gym | BRB Internacional | PakPakPak1234 | 13 Aug 2008 | 3m 31s
Bernard Bear: Diving Board | BRB Internacional | TheNimaProduction | 29 Sep 2010 | 3m 30s

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Injuries, straining and illness

If you experience an injury or have any concerns or suffer any discomfort or pain, seek professional advice immediately. Most injuries (if you’ve not broken anything) involve minor damage to muscles, ligaments, tendons or the lining of a joint.

If you have any injuries that remain painful or tender (or if you have any concerns about an injury) you should have them seen by your GP or a physiotherapist (or your nearest accident and emergency department if necessary). Always ensure that you follow to the letter any advice or treatment that you are given.

Danger signs that you might be straining your heart include pain in the chest, neck or arms, nausea, dizziness, light-headedness or feeling faint, severe breathlessness, extreme fatigue. Stop exercising if you suffer any of the above symptoms and get a check-up from your doctor before continuing.

We all get ill from time to time and if you have a sore throat, temperature, swollen glands, a bad cough or mucus-producing cough, take a break from exercise until you feel better.

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Get out and active

Your A-Z guide to activities and groups

Get out and active is an A-Z listing of groups, activities and interests in Greater London and further afield, LGBT+ run and/ or LGBT+ friendly.

Updated regularly, this section was last reviewed in October 2023.

This icon next to an activity means there appears to be no noticeable activity in 6 months or more. The line of text below each listing is usually edited from the activity in question.

Please let us know through our contact form of any updates or if you know of something you feel we should add.


Updated regularly, this section was last reviewed in October 2023 but this icon next to a listing means there appears to have been no noticeable activity in 6 months, or more.

Alcohol-free and mindful drinking
Queers Without Beers
A queer night out with no alcohol. 
Join Club Soda
Helps you live well by being more mindful about drinking.

Gay Architecture Group | Meetup
LGBT+ group visits buildings, neighbourhoods, exhibitions and events.

Arts and crafts
Wise Thoughts
Dynamic local, national and international arts initiatives and multi-media art projects.
Studio Upstairs
Arts and health charity and creative community hub for people with mental or emotional difficulties.
Bits and Pieces
Creates accessible and fun art spaces that encourage everyone to get involved, regardless of experience, and without worrying about the finished product. London and Brighton
Make Town
Knitting, macramé, sewing, and weaving workshops in East London.

Goslings Sports Club
London’s largest and popular badminton club for LGBT+ players and their friends.
LYC London
Engaging and diverse badminton club for LGBT+ players and their friends in London.
Smash Hits London Badminton Club | Meetup
Welcomes all members of and those who are accepting of the LGBT+ community.

Ballroom dancing
The Pink Jukebox
Ballroom and Latin dance club for members of the LGBT community and their friends.

London Knights
Inclusive men’s and women’s basketball teams playing in London and international tournaments.
London Cruisers
 Women’s basketball team.

Bird watching
Gay Birders Club
Organising events and providing facilities for the LGBT community since 1994.

Bisexual social groups
Bi Coffee London
Relaxed coffee meet, everyone welcome.
Bi Community News (Magazine)
Magazine with news, resources and events.
Bisexual Underground
Bisexual Underground is a London-based relaxed, friendly meet for bisexuals and their friends.
Friendship-focused, social and supportive group.
London Bisexuals
Hang out, chat, have fun; see, learn and take part in some bi / LGBT+ culture, history, and activism.

GaySocial: Fun Gay Social Events | Meetup
Active social events for gay and bi guys in London, including tenpin bowling, monthly.
Bowling Bears | Bowling Bears 

A friendly nonprofit boxing club for London’s LGBTQ+ community and friends.

South London Gay Bridge Group
Play in a relaxed and fun environment, with an emphasis on social than competitive bridge.
West London Gay Bridge Club
Friendly group, meeting to play bridge and socialise, only gay bridge club to be affiliated to the English Bridge Union.

Rainbow Paddlers: LGBTQ+ Paddlesport
Join fellow LGBTQ+ pirates for a relaxing early evening paddle.

Caravaning and motor homes
Gay Caravan and Motorhome Club
UK-based club for the gay community who just happen to share a common interest and own a caravan, tent or motorhome.
Freedom Club
Caravan and camping club for gay men and women.

Chemsex/ drug use/ awareness (open mic evening)
Let’s Talk About Gay Sex and Drugs

Choirs (also see Singing)
Diversity Choir
London’s original lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community chamber choir.
London Gay Men’s Chorus
Boasting over 200 members, this once small band of singers now calls itself the London Gay Men’s Chorus.
Many Voices
Sing for fun with Many Voices LGBTIQ (and allies) singing evenings.
Pink Singers
Formed in 1983 for the Lesbian and Gay Pride march, the Pink Singers is an LGBTQ+ community choir based in London.
The Fourth Choir
London’s LGBT + chamber choir for advanced singers.
Joyful Noise Choir
inclusive, peer support group made up entirely of people living with HIV.
London Trans Choir
London’s first trans, non-binary, intersex, gender non-conforming, and gender-fluid choir.

 Not So Trad
Trad, sport, alpine, bouldering, Scottish winter and everything in between.

Classic cars
Gay Classic Car Group
Club for LGBT classic car enthusiasts and their friends.

Coming Out Socials
Non-scene social group from London Friend for gay and bisexual men from all backgrounds.

Computer Coding
Queer Code London
Queer programmers writing code within a supportive environment, with talks, workshops, and social events.

Grace’s Cricket Club Grace’s Cricket Club
Founded in April 1996 to promote the enjoyment of the game of cricket amongst the LGBT community.

Cycle Out London
Founded to be a safe place for the LGBTQIA+ community and their friends to get active on a bike.

Click here



Updated regularly, this section was last reviewed in October 2023 but this icon next to a listing means there appears to have been no noticeable activity in 6 months, or more.

Exilio Latino
A seasoned club enthusiast or just looking for fun, EXILIO is the spot for you for a memorable night out.
Cheek2Cheek | Brighton LGBT+ Sports Society
Dance club for the LGBTQ community to provide a relaxed and friendly environment in which people can learn to dance and also socialise.
Dance Out Loud
LGBTQ 5 rhythms and open floor movement, art and meditation dance class.
Rainbow Nation Dance Academy (RNDA), formally Gay Men’s Dance Company
Fun, friendly, welcoming and affordable, led by industry professionals.
Gay Gordons London
We are a Scottish Country Dance Club for the London LGBTQIA+ community and their friends.
Kensington Dance Studio
Aims to bring all forms of social dancing to everyone in an elegant and sociable atmosphere.
Queer Tango London
A dance, freed from any perceived notions of gender roles allowing anyone to lead and to follow.
The Cactus Club
London’s LGBT line dancing classes and social club where everyone is welcome.

Dating and speed dating
Gay Speed Dating
Generic speed-dating website with a section for gay men and lesbians; events scheduled throughout the year.
Suite and Tie Society
Group for gay men attracted by formal dress and those who wear it. Based in London.
Urban Connections
Gay speed dating events for gay/ bi/ pan in London.

Drug, alcohol and chemsex support groups
Drug, alcohol and chemsex support groups
Check out our listings of organisations, some of which provide socials and meet-ups and/ or opportunities to volunteer.

Film, queer cinema and filmmaking (see also Cinema)
Buffs: Gay Men’s Movie | Meetup
Hosts cinema and entertainment experience events where gay and bi men can come together, share in the fun and make new friends.
The VITO Project Film Club
A celebration of cinema, community and LGBTQ+ diversity showing some of the best in LGBTQ+ and queer film.
The Last Frame Club
Queer film club focusing on underrepresented filmmakers and important stories. Spain and UK.
Scream Queens | Meetup
LGBTQ group for cult and LGBTQ films in London. Especially for fans of old, new and cult, horror and LGBTQ films.
Queer Film Network
Bringing queer film programmers together and developing thriving LGBTQIA+ audiences.

Left Footers FC  
Play in Regents Park, where we have a laid-back ‘jumpers-for-goalposts’ approach and welcome anyone from novice to pro.
London Titans FC
Provides a safe environment for anyone to come and play football, regardless of sexuality, age, race, religion or ability.
Soho FC
Soho FC is a gay friendly, LGBTQ+ football team in London, formed in 2013.
Barnes Stormers
Competitive football but with a focus on fair play and fun.
Friendly mixed group, covering all sexualities and abilities of footballing skills, speaking over 20 languages.
Stonewall FC
A safe space for anyone who wishes to get involved with football.
Queerspace FC
Your local friendly queer kickabout. All ages and abilities welcome!
Gay Football Supporter’s Network
Governing body of the world’s only dedicated LGBTQ+ football league spanning 3 nations of the United Kingdom with affiliated members in Northern Ireland and The Republic of Ireland.

Click here



Updated regularly, this section was last reviewed in October 2023 but this icon next to a listing means there appears to have been no noticeable activity in 6 months, or more.

Gaming and gamers
London gaymers and geeks who share one mission: to play video games, make lasting friendships and geek out.

London Royals Hockey Club
First openly LGBTQ+ Hockey Club in the UK with many available teams to join at all levels.

Out2 Golf UK
Inclusive group of LGBT+ golfers and allies based in London with members all over the UK.

We have purposely not included gyms as many are inclusive and/ or are not LGBT+ specifically.

HIV support, socials and meet-ups
HIV organisations, campaigns and support groups
Check out our listings of organisations, some of which provide socials and meet-ups and/ or opportunities to volunteer.

Click here



Updated regularly, this section was last reviewed in October 2023 but this icon next to a listing means there appears to have been no noticeable activity in 6 months, or more.

Jazz band
London Gay Big Band
Fun, fresh and fab 20-piece jazz orchestra made up of talented LGBTQ+ musicians and vocalists.

KB Kickboxing
Inclusive training space, where everybody looks out for one another, without discrimination of any kind.

Line dancing
The Cactus Club
London’s LGBT line dancing classes and social club where everyone is welcome.

Click here



Updated regularly, this section was last reviewed in October 2023 but this icon next to a listing means there appears to have been no noticeable activity in 6 months, or more.

Martial arts
Ishigaki Martial Arts Club
Promotes a safe and tolerant environment for anyone who wishes to train with us.
KB Kickboxing
Inclusive training space, where everybody looks out for one another, without discrimination of any kind.

Gay Bikers Motorcycle Club
Building friendships and sharing great times through a common love of motorcycling.

Orchestra and symphony
London Gay Symphony Orchestra
With an active membership, the orchestra is as much a social group as a musical one.
Symphony London Gay Symphonic Winds
LGSW is the capital’s only symphonic wind band from and for the LGBTQ+ communities.

Gay Outdoor Club
Provides a wide range of outdoor and indoor sports and recreational activities for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender men and women.
Outdoors Lads
Friendly group of gay, bisexual and trans men who get together to enjoy adventures and activities.

Over 55s and older persons
East London LGBT Seniors
Welcomes LGBTQ+ of more or less retirement age, and their partners, and younger volunteer supporters from East London: Tower Hamlets, Hackney, Newham, Waltham Forest, Barking and Dagenham, Redbridge, Havering, Essex, and other places with easy transport to Stratford.
Opening Doors for Older Persons Closed February 2024

Click here



Updated regularly, this section was last reviewed in October 2023 but this icon next to a listing means there appears to have been no noticeable activity in 6 months, or more.

Parkour Generations
Parkour UK
Recognised National Governing Body (NGB) for Parkour/ Freerunning in the UK.

LGBTQ+ Photography Walks | Meetup
LGBT+ group and friends capturing the moods and themes of London.

Poetry and open mic
Incite Poetry
London’s oldest-running queer spoken word night.
Spoken Word London
Open-mic poetry and performance night for anyone to come and join in, whether to speak or listen.

Conservative LGBT Group
Provides an LGBT+ voice within the Party, and a Conservative voice in the LGBT+ community.
LGBTIQIA Green Party
Aims to increase awareness and understanding of LGBTIQA+ issues within the Green Party, progressive movements and society as a whole.
LGBT Labour
Ensure the Labour Party and the trade unions support and act in favour of LGBT+ rights and encourage members of LGBT+ communities to support the labour movement.
LGBT+ Liberal Democrats
Represents the party to the LGBT+ community, ensures the party’s policies address their needs, and supports LGBT+ candidates and party members.
Socialist Party Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender group (LGBT)
Involved in campaigns against anti-gay discrimination and for civil rights for all.

LGBT Powerlifting and Power Sports
LGBT and allies communities who are interested in powerlifting and power sports (primarily squat, bench press, and deadlift).

London Gay Reading Group
Gay reading group.
London Book Club for Gay Men
An open book club for gay men in London.
London Queer Books Group | Meetup
Book club focusing on queer literature, from the trashy to the highbrow.

London Otters Rowing Club
Based at the Royal Docks, East London welcomes all abilities, from complete beginners to experienced rowers.

Kings Cross Steelers RFC
Provide the opportunity for members of the LGBTQ+ community and allies to play and enjoy rugby.
 The Bingham Cup Sport Event | USA
Biennial world championships for the gay and inclusive rugby community.
The Clapham Feelers
LGBTQ+ touch rugby team, est. 2015.

London Front Runners
London’s inclusive running and triathlon club for LGBT+ and gay-friendly people.

Click here



Updated regularly, this section was last reviewed in October 2023 but this icon next to a listing means there appears to have been no noticeable activity in 6 months, or more.

Sailing and Cruising Association
Dynamic sailing and powerboat club for LGBT+ people, their families and friends.

The Quest
Support for gay, bi and queer men to explore, better understand and embrace living.

Science fiction
The Sisterhood of Karn
A London-based group for LGBT Doctor Who fans.

Scuba diving
Non-profit SCUBA diving club for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered divers and their friends.

Singing (see Choirs)

Sports (umbrella organisation)
Out For Sport London
Volunteer organisation run by London’s sports clubs. Represents London’s LGBT+ sports clubs and teams to increase participation.

Gay Mates
Organises social meetups: nights out, museum visits, cinema trips and other activities.
Queers Without Beers
A queer night out with no alcohol. 
Join Club Soda
Helps you live well by being more mindful about drinking.
A non-scene social group from London Friend for gay and bisexual men from all backgrounds.
London Gay Male Couples | Meetup
Gay male couples looking to make new friends and socialise off/on the scene with others.
The Sisterhood of Karn
A London-based group for LGBT Doctor Who fans.
Gay Brunch Club | Meetup
Friendly guys for brunch on Saturdays in London.
Irish London LGBT
Network providing a safe, inclusive, knowledgeable & social space for all Irish LGBT people in London.
LGBT Humanists | Meetup
Friendly events on topics of interest to LGBT and humanists. Debate in a friendly and social atmosphere.
East London Gay Men’s Meetup | Meetup
Friendly social network for LGBTQ+ Londoners who live and work in and around East London and elsewhere.
A Change of Scene
Free monthly forum for gay and bisexual men to share their lives and experience.

LGBT+ Vegans London | Meetup
Friendly real-world queer vegan group.
LGBT+ Vegetarians and Vegans | Meetup
Vegetarian and vegan social group.
“We know we are men here in the UK, black, and queer. And we know that we need to talk; to each other and to the communities we are part of.”
British Asian LGBTI | Meetup
Social and support group for south Asian LGBTI community
Gay Indian Network (GIN) | Meetup
Fun and sociable networking group for LGBTQIA community of Indian origin and their friends and allies.
Friendly and social group of HIV-positive gay men living in and around London, UK.
Intersex Peer Support Group
Support group for Intersex people from London Friend.
Iraqi LGBT
Human rights organisation established in 2005 after the rise of the wave of violence against the LGBT community in Iraqi.

The London Raiders
Primarily LGBTQIA+ softball club based in London. Our members range from experienced to new players, from competitive to recreational.

Out Play Squash London
London-based squash group for LGBT+ squash players and friends.

Out to Swim
LGBTQ+, but welcomes allied adults with an interest in aquatic sport, including those with disabilities.

Monthly TransLondon meeting is a free discussion/support group for all members of the trans community,

South London Smashers LGBTQ Tennis Group | Meetup
LGBTQ tennis group based in South London.

Click here



Updated regularly, this section was last reviewed in October 2023 but this icon next to a listing means there appears to have been no noticeable activity in 6 months, or more.

London Spikers Knights Volleyball Club
We are a London-based gay, queer and inclusive men’s volleyball club.

Gay Sunday Walking Group | Meetup
London-based walking group for gay men and women and gay-friendly friends and relations.

Hiking Dykes
Walks are usually based within a one-hour journey from central London.

London Orca
 London Orca is the water polo team within Out to Swim, LGBTQ+ aquatics club.

Wellness, wellbeing, spirituality and connection
Men in Touch UK
Offers experiential sessions and workshops that help create a deeper connection to yourself and to others.
Mindfulness Meditation | Meetup
Friendly and diverse group of men to socialise and learn skills to help improve mental health and well-being.
Inner Space
Meditation and personal development centre in Covent Garden and the City.


Bent Bars Project
Founded in 2009, letter-writing project for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, gender-variant, intersex, and queer prisoners in Britain.
Out on the Page
Promotes LGBTQ+ writers and writing. Courses, workshops, and retreats.
London Queer Writers
A collective comprised of LGBTQIA+ poets, spoken word artists and educators.
Paradise Press
Great writing by lesbians and gay men since 1999. PP publishes works by Gay Authors Workshop members.

Click here


You can also try …

LGBTQ Groups in London | Meetup
Gay Mates | Gay Mates
LGBT Guide | Time Out
Gmeet App | Gmeet

London National Park City
A movement to improve life in London working with residents, visitors and partners to enjoy London’s great outdoors more, make the city greener, healthier and wilder, and promote London’s identity as a National Park City.
London National Park City | London National Park City

The Greenground Map
Inspired by the iconic London tube map as an alternative sustainable transport map. The ‘green lines’ are representing the connections between parks and could be walked and cycled. As a conceptual map, the lines do not exactly represent the real routes, but rather help to perceive London’s green spaces as one connected network. View the map here or you can purchase a physical folded map (£10) or digital download (£2.50) at Helen Ilus Design.
London Greenground Map | Helen Ilus Design

How to look after your mental health using exercise | Mental Health Foundation
How to exercise | Mental Health Foundation
Mental health and physical health | Mental Health UK
Physical health and mental health | Mental Health Foundation
Physical activity and your mental health | MIND

London’s prettiest walks | Time Out | 13 Oct 2021
10 Stunning London Walks For A Tranquil Weekend Wander | Secret London | 10 Aug 2021
8 of the best walks in London | Wanderlust | 30 Jun 2020

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Stuff to do

A smörgåsbord of stuff to do

SmörgåsbordPublished during the first COVID-19 lockdown, the content here has either been deleted or distributed to other parts of the website.

We’ve aimed for stuff where you don’t have to log in, and done our best to avoid premium content or anything that has you reaching for your wallet.

The word smörgåsbord is Swedish for a buffet made up of many smaller dishes: ‘a laid-out table’. This is how we’ve laid out this section, grouping things together but not massively organised.

We should add that we are not sponsored, have slept with, or are supported/ paid by any of the organisations listed here. Not all our suggestions are spectacularly sensible.

Virtual tours and streaming

A day for every day of the year

It appears there is a day for everything day. Check our lists and, quelle surprise, who would have thought 25th April is hug a plumber day?!*

  • List of LGBT awareness periods | Wikipedia
  • International Days | United Nations
    International days currently observed by the United Nations. The United Nations designates specific days, weeks, years and decades as occasions to mark particular events or topics in order to promote, through awareness and action, the objectives of the Organization.
  • Calendar of national health and wellbeing campaigns table for 2020 to 2021 | NHS Employers
    Selection of national and international campaigns to help to plan activities for the year ahead.
  • National Today | National Today
    Keeps track of fun holidays and special moments on the cultural calendar — giving you exciting activities, deals, local events, brand promotions, and other exciting ways to celebrate.
  • Days of the Year | Days of the Year
    Aims to gather all the special holidays, moments and occasions from around the world that bring people together, and help everyone celebrate them with special events, helpful tips and heaps of fun. For each day, it curates content with extensive and exciting holiday history, facts that will blow your mind, and amazing ways to truly celebrate the day to its fullest.
  • Awareness Days | Awareness Days
    A digital curation of UK, US and international Awareness Days, Weeks, Months and Events to create a central resource, making awareness days more easily accessible to a wider audience and with improved accuracy of information covering the leading Awareness Days and Events.

More stuff

  • Free eBooks @ Project Gutenberg
    A library of over 60,000 free eBooks. Choose among free epub and Kindle eBooks, download them or read them online. You will find the world’s great literature here, with a focus on older works (with expired US copyright). Thousands of volunteers digitised and diligently proofread the eBooks, for enjoyment and education.
  • Big History Project
    Big History examines our past, explains our present, and imagines our future. It’s a story about us. This growing, multi-disciplinary approach is focused on high school students, yet designed for anyone seeking answers to the big questions about the history of our Universe.
  • Learning about our UK Parliament
    Award-winning free education services for schools, colleges, communities and home educators.
  • Pulitzer Center
    The Pulitzer Center on Crisis Reporting is an innovative award-winning non-profit journalism organisation dedicated to raising awareness of underreported global issues through direct support for quality journalism across all media platforms and a unique program of outreach and education to schools and universities.
  • Seterra
    Seterra is a map quiz site that you can use from any web browser to explore the world and learn about its countries, capitals, cities, rivers, lakes and more.
  • Project Noah
    Project Noah is designed to help people connect with the natural world and learn about wildlife. It enables amateurs and professionals alike to create and share multimedia nature journals.
  • The Internet Archive
    The Internet Archive is a non-profit, building a digital library of Internet sites and other cultural artefacts in digital form. Like a paper library, it provides free access to researchers, historians, scholars, the print disabled, and the general public. Its mission is to provide Universal Access to All Knowledge.
  • Latest Free Stuff
    Looks for new freebies, updating the website with the best freebies, samples and free stuff offers. Freebies and samples are given away by UK companies as a promotion or part of an advertising campaign. They are trying to attract customers to purchase their products in the future.
  • Board Game Arena
    Apparently, the largest online board game table in the world. No download necessary. You need to sign up. You can play directly from your web browser. We think it’s free; if not, let us know.
  • The True Size
    It is hard to represent our spherical world on a flat piece of paper. Cartographers use something called a “projection” to morph the globe into 2D map. The most popular of these is the Mercator projection.

Letting out our inner geek

  • This section first appeared under our COVID-19 chapter in April 2020, together with other sections which we have now integrated into the rest of the website. When MEN R US volunteers are not fucking or getting fucked by men, we lead relatively ordinary lives often letting our geek out for a romp. Here is a selection of YouTube videos that have caught our eye because they’re relaxing, creative, mind-blowing, or just a little bit awesome.
  • The Joy of Painting | The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross | 25 mins approx | The soft-spoken guy painting happy clouds, mountains, and trees in about 26 television minutes, using big house painting-type brushes and encouraging audiences with his gentle reminder, “you can do it.” The Joy of Painting is an American half-hour instructional television show hosted by painter Bob Ross which ran from January 11, 1983, until May 17, 1994. In each episode, Ross taught techniques for landscape oil painting, completing a painting in each session.
  • Time-lapse: The Nightingale Hospital at the ExCel Centre | BBC News | 1 Apr 2020 | 40s | The Nightingale Hospital has been built in London’s ExCeL Centre to deal with Coronavirus (COVID-19) patients.
    Building Realistic Dioramas with Luke Towan | 20-40 mins approx | Provides you with tutorials on building realistic scenery dioramas. Whether you’re a total beginner or a seasoned professional you will surely find some useful tips and advice here.
  • Drawing and painting 3 Dimensional Art Sonhos com Dimensão | . 3D trick art. Anamorphic Illusions. Optical illusions. 3D Drawing and Painting in timelapse. (how to draw tutorials) pencil, (desenho dibujar bien) How to draw. How to paint. Speed drawing. Speed painting.
  • Time-lapse: Milkyway compilation | Peaceful Cuisine | 23 Nov 2016 | 7m 47s | Filmed with Sony A7RII, Nikon Df and Sony RX100M4. Locations: Mt Fuji (Yamanashi, Japan); Manazuru seashore (Kanagawa, Japan); Kiyosato (Yamanashi, Japan); Lake Tekapo (New Zealand); Lake Alexandrina (New Zealand); Queenstown (New Zealand); Mauna Kea (Hawaii); Halemaumau (Hawaii); Kona Heaven (Hawaii)
  • Parkour, Freerunning and Trick Shots with Stunts Amazing | 2-10 ins approx | Mind-blowing extreme sports videos partnering with the best athletes all around the world to showcase the craziest stunts people have to offer. If you have an interest in parkour, freerunning, trick shots, Taekwondo or just like seeing epic athleticism then this is the place for you.
    Insane Parkour and Freerunning 2020 | Stunts Amazing | 5 Jan 2020 | 5m 57s
  • Starships size comparison | Meta Ball Studios | 21 Sep 2015 | 3m 37s | Starship size comparison from film and TV series from a Star Wars fighter at 6 metres to The Ark from Halo at 127,530 kilometres.
    Time-lapse: 42,000 piece jigsaw puzzle timelapse | Andre F | 15 Mar 2020 | 2m 33s | World’s largest single image jigsaw puzzle timelapse (42,000 pieces). “Around The World” by Educa. Finished dimensions: 7.49m x 1.57m (24.6ft x 5.2ft). Started April 10 2019 – completed March 15 2020.
  • Thirty-sex best cosplayers at New York Comic Con 2019 | Insider | 10 Oct 2019 | 3m 51s | Insider went to New York Comic Con 2019 and found the best cosplayers from Iron Man to Spider-Man to Morpheus to Aang.
    Nature scenery on planet earth | Cat Trumpet | 3h 00m 3s | Enjoy 3 hours of amazing nature scenery featuring relaxing music ideal for sleep, study, meditation and yoga.
  • Woodturning: yellow birch pedestal box | David Adamsen | 22 Oct 2019 | 22m 23s | This piece of yellow birch was harvested within the past year or two, so it was not fully dry. However, it was very spalted and soft, which seemed to indicate it was close to becoming punky.
  • Time-lapse: Alien: Covenant movie set construction | Jacinta Leong | 14 Feb 2020 | 7m 7s | Build and installation time-lapse of sets: White Room, Covenant Hypersleep, Juggernaut, David’s Lab, Covenant Terraforming Bay, Hall of Heads.
  • Earth from above (7 hours): Nature Relaxation Films | 28 Aug 2018 | 7h 0m 6s | Soar over many of the world’s most breathtaking natural paradises for seven hours. Enjoy pristine views of exotic places such as Norway, Maui, Fiji, the Spanish Islands, Banff Alberta, California and Australia’s southern coasts – paired with healing ambient music to aid in achieving a state of deep and tranquil relaxation. Changing locations 20-30 minutes.
  • Time-lapse: Making a Jumanji Board | Steven Richter | 27 Aug 2017 | 15m 13s | Building a screen accurate Jumanji board prop replica. | Making a Jumanji Board | Steven Richter | 26 Aug 2017 | 15m 13s
  • Daily Dose of Internet | Daily Dose of Internet Channel | Daily Dose of Internet collects some of the top trending videos from all over the Internet.
  • Five maps that will change how you see the world | The Conversation | Boston public schools recently announced that they will shift to using world maps based on the Peters projection, reportedly the first time a US public school district has done so. Why? | Five maps that will change how you see the world | The Conversation | 22 Mar 2017

Learning, courses and events

  • The Open University Open Learn |
    Anyone can learn for free on OpenLearn, but signing up will give you access to your personal learning profile and record of achievements that you earn while you study.
  • Future Learn Free and paid courses |
    FutureLearn is a digital education platform, its courses spanning a broad range of topics: learn a new skill, or pursue your hobbies with flexible online courses.
  • Free and paid | Everbrite LGBT+ Training and events
    US-based event management and ticketing website. Service allows users to browse, create, and promote local events. Charges a fee to event organisers in exchange for online ticketing services, unless the event is free.
Click here to reveal



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We all have to sleep, and most of us will spend about a third of our life (approx. 250,000 hours) in a state of near unconsciousness, nonetheless aware of your environment. During this time, the body rests and undertakes maintenance and repairs.

Sleep is essential for promoting physical and mental health; when you sleep, blood pressure drops, breathing slows down and the body releases growth and sex hormones (although this is dependent on age). If you can manage on six hours’ sleep or less then you’re unusual; most men need around seven or eight hours, although we can usually cope with much less for a few nights.

Your sleep pattern is managed by your biological clock which co-ordinates other functions such as waking, sleeping, eating, pissing and shitting. It is thought this internal clock orchestrates the brain to stimulate and suppress various body systems. For example, it slows down piss and shit production until you wake up and are ready to go.

Without sleep the body cannot rest or repair itself and after about ten days of total deprivation, death occurs. The brain can adapt to periods of up to three days without sleep but eventually lack of sleep causes irritability, irrational behaviour, confusion and hallucinations.

How much sleep do you actually need? | AsapSCIENCE | 27 Jul 2014 | 3m 23s
How to get better sleep | AsapSCIENCE | 27 Jul 2014 | 4m 12s

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REM, NREM and dreaming

When asleep, two distinct patterns alternate throughout this time: NREM – a deep, dreamless non-rapid eye movement sleep, and REM – when rapid eye movement occurs and you dream.

When you fall asleep you drift into NREM, spending about 90 minutes sinking through four levels and back up again. This is broken by a 10-15 minute burst of REM during which time the body is almost completely immobile except for the rapid flickering of the eyeballs.

The brain is almost as active as it is when you are awake, and this is when dreams occur. It is thought that dreams are the brain’s way of sorting through information and experiences gathered when awake. This pattern of sleep repeats itself throughout the night, although the last REM before waking up can last up to an hour.

During an eight-hour night, dreams take up about two hours, and although everyone has them, not everybody can remember them. If you’re woken up in the middle of REM you are likely to remember the dream vividly. However, if you’re woken up just five minutes after REM you will have a vague recollection of a dream; after ten minutes you’re not likely to remember any of it.

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Can’t sleep, won’t sleep

Reasons for insomnia are numerous, and include:

  • Unfamiliar surroundings
  • An unfamiliar bed or man
  • Noise and too much light
  • Feeling cold or being too hot; inadequate ventilation
  • An uncomfortable bed; having bedding which is too light or too heavy
  • Anxiety, stress, depression, emotional upset, and overwork
  • Disturbed sleep patterns – grinding of teeth
  • Bad eating habits, eg: eating a large meal late at night and indigestion
  • Drinking caffeine-based tea or coffee just before going to bed
  • Thirst (often made worse if you’ve been drinking alcohol)
  • Lack of exercise during the day
  • Trying to sleep more than you think you need
  • A full bladder and waking for a piss in the middle of the night
  • A heart or lung disorder which may make breathing and lying down difficult
  • Pain and illness
  • High or on recreational drugs 
16 ways couples sleep together | Husband and Husband | 13 Mar 2017 | 2m 25s

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A good night's sleep

Whatever your ritual before you go to bed, try to develop a gentle and calming routine. Try to sort out insomnia naturally before considering sleeping tablets, which can leave you feeling groggy and disorientated in the morning. The following tips can help you get a good night’s sleep:

  • A firm mattress (rather than some stuffing with a dent in it) is less likely to give you back problems.
  • Ensure that the bed and linen provide suitable cover and warmth.
  • Open a window to ventilate the room. When it’s cold, even a couple of centimetres can help.
  • If you wear pyjamas (deepest sympathies) or some other clothing – make sure they’re comfortable.
  • If you’re worried or stressed, making a things-to-do list or mini action plan can help.
  • Have a warm bath or a shower to relax.
  • Go to the toilet if you need to.
  • Have a hot milky drink (a little ground nutmeg and honey is delicious).
  • Read, listen to the radio or watch TV until you drift off – assuming the programme doesn’t over stimulate the brain.
  • Some relaxing sex or a wank can help.
  • Have a glass of water by the bedside.
  • If you’ve been drinking try and drink a glass of water for each pint or spirit. While you run the risk of having to get up for a piss, you should feel less dehydrated and hungover in the morning.
  • Cuddle up to a hot water bottle (they don’t snore or fart).
  • Snuggle up to your man if he’ll let you!

Sleeping pills

If you have to take sleeping pills under your GP’s advice try a ‘natural’ variety from a health food store first. It is better to use pharmaceutical drugs only at times of serious or short-lived stress or emotional trauma.

Sleep is your superpower

Sleep is your life-support system and Mother Nature’s best effort yet at immortality, says sleep scientist Matt Walker. In this deep dive into the science of slumber, Walker shares the wonderfully good things that happen when you get sleep — and the alarmingly bad things that happen when you don’t, for both your brain and body. Learn more about sleep’s impact on your learning, memory, immune system and even your genetic code — as well as some helpful tips for getting some shut-eye.

Sleep is your superpower | Matt Walker | TED Talk | 3 Jun 2019 | 19m 18s

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Sleep and recreational drugs

Many recreational drugs like ecstasy, acid, coke, speed, GHB, mephedrone, and crystal meth are all likely to keep you awake and disrupt your natural sleep pattern.

Partying all weekend – without sleep – and then going to work on Monday morning will make you feel like shit and bugger up your sleep pattern further. You’ll go to bed shattered on Monday and wonder why you can’t get up on Tuesday.

After your drugs, set aside the next day to catch up on lost sleep even if it means taking Monday off to relax and chill out. Otherwise, the lingering effects of the drugs and the come-down can fuck up the whole week. If you don’t come down gently, the temptation is to take more drugs to help get over the wretchedness you can feel.

Drugs and harm reduction | MENRUS.CO.UK

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Mental health matters

Mental health matters

MENTAL HEALTH MATTERSMental health is about your emotional, psychological and social well-being. This includes how we think, feel, and act and also helps determine how we manage stress, relate to others, and make choices. Many factors contribute to mental health and problems which may occur, including biological factors, such as genes or brain chemistry; life experiences, such as trauma or abuse; and/ or family history of mental health problems.

Change is slow but happening

While attitudes towards LGBT+ mental health is improving many LGBT+ people have experienced difficulties in their lives. Being gay does not, in and of itself, cause mental health problems. Research studies including LGBT in Britain, Stonewall (2018); Hidden Figures, LGBT Foundation (2020); and LGBT+ Health Inequalities, UK Parliament (2018)  clearly evidence that LGBT+ people have less favourable health outcomes than their heterosexual counterparts. Instead, homophobic bullying, rejection from family, harassment at work and poor responses from healthcare professionals are still commonplace for many lesbian, gay and bisexual people. Short answer: LGBT+ people are disproportionately affected by mental health issues. 

It’s not easy to say this here

As we emerge from the pandemic, LGBT+ people accessing health services are doing so at a time when there is less funding, more cuts than ever before, and longer waiting lists. Yes, there’s a lot of government hoopla about more money being put into mental health services but how quickly will this happen and when will it reach the LGBT+ community.


if you can’t find what you are looking for, send us a message through our Contact page. Alternatively, you can call us on 07791 867885 most weekdays between 10 and 3. Please note we are volunteers and if the call goes to voicemail: leave us a message and will get back to you as soon as we can; usually within 2 hours.

Finding a counsellor or therapist | MEN R US
London drug, alcohol and chemsex support | MEN R US

Just Like Us releases Growing up LGBT+ report on bullying, schools and mental health | Just Like Us | Nov 2021

Growing Up Gay In A Small Town | BBC Sesh | 20 Dec 2019 | 4m 58s
Growing up gay in a straight world: Olly Alexander | BBC Three | 6 Mar 2019 | 3m 34s

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Mental health support directory

MENTAL HEALTH SUPPORTUpdated regularly, our directory is made up of the following hide and reveal sections:

  • Helpline Support
  • London LGBT+ Mental Health Support
  • London Mainstream Mental Health Support
  • National Mental Health Support
  • Anxiety, OCD, Eating Disorders, and Self Harm Support
  • Younger Person Support
  • LGBT+ Podcasts
  • More Helplines and Support (National)
  • Networks (National)
  • Selection of Facebook and MeetUp Groups
  • More

Some of us prefer LGBT+ services which, as a rule, are much better at understanding the issues and the context affecting our lives. Others are happy to access mainstream services. This is why we have indicated LGBT+ helplines and services where we can. All health services aim to be welcoming, respectful, knowledgeable, and understanding. The thing is to find a service that’s right for you.

Please let us know if there’s a service we’ve missed or if we’ve got something wrong. Feel free to email us if you can’t find what you are looking for and we will do our best to signpost you to the right support.

Helpline Support

Summary: LGBT+ Switchboard Helpline, Samaritans, LGBT Switchboard (Northern Ireland), LGBT Helpline (Scotland), LGBT Foundation, Albert Kennedy Trust | LGBT+, MindOut Instant Messaging Service (LGBT+ Chat), Mindline Trans Helpline, Mermaids UK, Shout, Childline, Hopeline UK, ReThink Mental Illness, The Calm Zone Helpline, Silver Line Helpline

Calling a helpline for the first time

If it’s the first time you have called a helpline, it’s perfectly normal to feel nervous. Helplines are there for YOU. They are not there to judge, and you can start and end the call when you want. Making a call is the first step forward. Helplines are there to listen, and you can get support without travelling or having an appointment. You don’t have to give your name, and most helplines are free or cost a local call. People call for different reasons:

  • Feeling overwhelmed or confused
  • Feeling isolated or lonely
  • Feeling unsafe (thoughts of suicide or self-harm)
  • Relationship, boyfriend, friendship or family problems
  • Health or mental problems or concerns
  • Signposting to services
  • Experiencing violence or abuse but if you are in immediate danger call 999
  • Bullying (which doesn’t just happen at school)

Switchboard  LGBT+
“Welcome to Switchboard, a place for calm words when you need them most. We’re here to help you with whatever you want to talk about. We understand how anxious you might feel before you pick up the phone.”
0800 0119 100
Switchboard LGBT+ Helpline

LGBT Switchboard (Northern Ireland)
Offers a listening ear service to any and all lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans people in Northern Ireland who would like to talk to someone, seek information or find out more about groups and events in the LGBT community.
0808 800 0390
Cara Friend

LGBT Helpline (Scotland)
We provide information and emotional support to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people and their families, friends and supporters across Scotland.
0300 123 2523
LGBT Health Scotland

LGBT Foundation | LGBT+
We all need information and support from a friend in the know and LGBT Foundation’s Helpline Service provides thousands of hours of advice and support to thousands of people every year.
0300 330 0630
 LGBT Foundation
5 Richmond Street, Manchester M1 3HF

Albert Kennedy Trust | LGBT+
Supports up to the age of 25, who are (or think you might be) lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans or intersex, homeless, sofa-surfing or living in crisis and/ or living in a violent, hostile or abusive home.
Albert Kennedy Trust

19-20 Parr Street, London N1 7GW
020 7831 6562 | 020 7405 6929

50 Oak Street, Northern Quarter, Manchester M4 5JA
0161 228 3308

MEA House, Ellison Place, Newcastle upon Tyne NE1 8XS
0191 281 0099

1st Floor, St Pauls Learning And Family Centre, 94 Grosvenor Road, St Paul’s, Bristol BS2 8XJ
07761 246386

Crisis Line 24/7 (Lambeth, Southwark, Lewisham and Croydon)
Call our mental health crisis line if you need urgent help.
0800 731 2864 | 24/ 7 (Option 1)
South London and Maudsley NHS Foundation Trust
Residents in Lambeth, Southwark, Lewisham and Croydon

MindOut Instant Messaging Service | LGBT+
Mental health service run by and for lesbians, gay men, bisexual, trans, and queer people. Its online support service is an instant message service that is confidential, non-judgemental and anonymous. We are open every day including weekends and evenings. The service is run by trained online support workers and mental health advocates who are ready to provide emotional support, information or signpost you in the right direction. You can chat to us about whatever is on your mind, and we will always try and help in whatever way we can.
Instant Messaging Service (Chat) | MindOut (Brighton)
The chat service is national while its other services are for people living in the Brighton area.
MindOut, Community Base, 113 Queens Road, Brighton BN1 3XG | 01273 234839

Mindline Trans Helpline | LGBT+
Mindline Trans+ provides a safe place to talk about your feelings confidentially. Doesn’t record calls or ask for any personal details. Listeners will try and understand the multitude of feelings and concerns that may be going on for you. Volunteers are trained in telephone counselling skills and have lived experience of being trans or non-binary. Occasionally calls may be taken by trans allies.
0330 330 5468
Mindline Trans

Mermaids UK | LGBT+
Supports children and young people up to 19 years old suffering from gender identity issues, their families and supporting professionals. Support includes a helpline, email service, direct support, online forums for parents and teens, plus local and national meetings.
0808 801 0400
Mermaids UK

You can talk to them any time you like, in your own way, and off the record, about whatever is getting to you. You don’t have to be suicidal. Every six seconds, somebody contacts them. They are there 24 hours a day, 365 days a year around the clock. They keep everything confidential and they are not a religious organisation.
116 123
 Samaritans | Samaritans
Local Drop-In Branches | Samaritans

Private and confidential service for children and young people up to the age of 19. You can contact a ChildLine counsellor about anything – no problem is too big or too small. Call them free, have a 1-2-1 chat online or send an email. Go to their website for more.
0800 1111 | 24/ 7

Hopeline UK
For children and young people under the age of 35 who are experiencing thoughts of suicide. For anyone concerned that a young person could be thinking about suicide.
0800 068 4141
Text 7860039967
Hopeline UK | Papyrus

ReThink Mental Illness
Provides expert, accredited advice and information to everyone affected by mental health problems. When mental illness first hits you or your family, it can be hard to know who or what to trust. Gives people clear, relevant information on everything from treatment and care to benefits and employment rights.
0300 5000 927
Rethink Mental Illness

Shout is a 24/7 UK crisis text service available for times when people feel they need immediate support. By texting ‘SHOUT’ to ‘85258’ a Texter will be put in touch with a trained Crisis Volunteer (CV) who will chat to them using trained techniques via text. The service is designed to help individuals to think more clearly and to take their next steps to feeling better.
Text SHOUT’ to 85258

The Calm Zone Helpline
The Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is leading a movement against suicide. Every week 125 people in the UK take their own lives. And 75% of all UK suicides are male.
Nationwide Helpline: 0800 58 58 58
London Helpline: 0808 802 58 58
The Calm Zone Helpline

The Silver Line Helpline
Operates the only confidential, free helpline for older people across the UK that’s open 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days of the year.
The Silver Line Helpline | 0800 470 8090
The Silver Line Helpline 

Click for details


London LGBT+ Mental Health Support

Summary: London Friend | LGBT+, The Metro Centre | LGBT+, Spectra | LGBT+, East London Out Project (ELOP) | LGBT+, Outcome | LGBT+, Pink Therapy | LGBT+, The Albany Trust | LGBT+, Gay Men’s Therapy | Gay men, Impulse Group | Gay men

London Friend | LGBT+
Counselling service provides one-to-one counselling sessions to LGBT+ people and for those who may be questioning their sexual orientation or gender identity. Counsellors who volunteer their time for London Friend all identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans.
London Friend
020 7833 1674
86 Caledonian Road, Islington, London N1 9DN | Map 

The Metro Centre | LGBT+
Counselling service offers both short-term and long-term counselling, giving you an opportunity to explore, discover and clarify ways of living more resourcefully and with greater satisfaction. Aware that everyone’s circumstances are different even when you are working, so anything that you can reasonably afford is most welcome. Please do not have any concerns over this as it can be discussed with the counsellor and a mutually acceptable agreement will be reached.
Mental Health and Crisis Support Drop-In
020 8305 5000
141 Greenwich High Road, London, Greenwich, London SE10 8JA | Map

Spectra | LGBT+
Offer services to support the sexual health and wellbeing of marginalised communities, including men who have sex with men (MSM) trans and non-binary people, and Black, Asian and Minority Ethnic communities.
0800 587 8302 / 020 3322 6920
St Charles Centre For Health and Wellbeing, Exmoor Street, London W10 6DZ | Map

East London Out Project (ELOP) | LGBT+
Holistic lesbian and gay centre that offers a range of social, emotional and support services to LGBT communities, and our core services include counselling and young people’s services. Also offers individual, couples and youth counselling.
020 8509 3898
56-60 Grove Road, Walthamstow, London E17 9BN | Map

Outcome | LGBT+
Outcome @ MIND aims to provide a sanctuary for LGBT people, somewhere safe where they can be themselves, socialise free from discrimination, receive therapies to improve their mental health, learn new skills and acquire knowledge to improve their quality of life. Offers therapies such as psychotherapy, counselling, one-to-one and group art therapy, alternative therapies and a wide range of activities.
Outcome @ MIND
020 7272 5038
35 Ashley Road, Islington, London N19 3AG | Map

Pink Therapy | LGBT+
Aims to promote high-quality therapy and training services for people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender and others who identify as being gender or sexual diversities. There is a whole spectrum of different gender and sexual expressions and we welcome those who are engaged in consensual, albeit transgressive sexualities who are seeking a place to understand and be understood.”
Pink Therapy
020 7836 6647
BCM 5159, London WC1N 3XX | Map

The Albany Trust | LGBT+
The charity offers a range of therapy and counselling including a low-cost clinic for people who are unemployed or on low income; longer-term one-to-one/individual psychodynamic counselling; a couples counselling clinic focusing on conflicts around sex, gender and sexuality; and LGBT+ counselling: one-to-one; for couples; in groups. Also offers a limited number of sessions to the LGBT+ British Sign Language community.
The Albany Trust
020 8767 1827
239A Balham High Road, Tooting Bec, London SW17 7BE | Map 

Gay Men’s Therapy | Gay men
Specialist psychotherapy and counselling service for gay men and men attracted to men. Group of therapists with extensive experience of working with gay men and we’ve come together to provide a safe environment, with the right kind of understanding, to allow you to explore your life and your relationships.
Gay Men’s Therapy
07564 512052
16 Upper Woburn Place, London WC1H 0AF | Map

Impulse Group | Gay men
Founded in 2009, Impulse Group is a nonprofit organisation dedicated to building a stronger and healthier community for gay men. Hosting over 400 events annually in 25 cities across the globe, Impulse seeks to create a brave space to engage, support and connect our community.
Impulse Group

Side by side | Mind
Get Out and Active A-Z Listings | MEN R US

Click for details


London Mainstream Mental Health Support

Summary: Thrive LDN, Good Thinking

Thrive LDN
London wide movement to improve the mental health and wellbeing of all Londoners. It is supported by the Mayor of London and led by the London Health Board partners.
Tools and resources to help your mental health and wellbeing | Thrive LDN

Good Thinking
Designed for anyone living or working in London to improve mental health and wellbeing with over 120 online resources are signposted to through its website, including wellbeing information sources; guides to improving mental health; courses on and offline; mobile apps and other therapy approaches.
Good Thinking | NHS, London’s borough councils and Public Health England
Coronavirus and mental health
 Good Thinking: London’s digital mental wellbeing service | Transformation Partners in Health and Care | 7 Dec 2022 | 2m 52s
 How Londoners can use the Good Thinking mental wellbeing service to boost their mental health | Transformation Partners in Health and Care | 30 Jan 2020


Click for details


National Mental Health Support

Summary:  LGBT Foundation | LGBT+, MIND, Mental Health Foundation, Rethink, NHS, SANE, NHS psychological therapies service (IAPT), Support Line, Blurt, Vent, Free Psychotherapy Network, Black, African, and Asian Therapy Network (BAATN), Every Mind Matters, Sex Addicts Anonymous in the UK (SAA)

LGBT Foundation | LGBT+
Supports the needs of the diverse range of people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans. Nationally recognised charity firmly rooted in our local communities of Greater Manchester and provide a wide range of evidence-based and cost-effective services.
LGBT Foundation

National charity providing advice and support to empower anyone experiencing a mental health problem. It campaigns to improve services, raise awareness and promote understanding.
LGBTIQ+ mental health | MIND
Coronavirus and your wellbeing | MIND

Mental Health Foundation
Work includes a wide range of mental health publications, community and peer programmes, research; public engagement; and advocacy. Takes a public mental health approach to prevention, finding solutions for individuals, those at risk and for society to improve everyone’s mental wellbeing.
Mental Health Foundation | Mental Health Foundation
Looking after your mental health during the Coronavirus outbreak | Mental Health Foundation

Delivers a better life for people severely affected by mental illness by meeting their mental health needs and but also helping them to improve their physical health, take control of their lives and establish a sense of belonging to their community. Vision for equality, rights, the fair treatment and maximum quality of life for all those affected by mental illness, their carers, family and friends.
Rethink | Rethink
LGBT+mental health | Rethink Mental Illness

National Health Service (NHS) information and resources.
Mental health and wellbeing | NHS
Guidance for the public on the mental health and wellbeing aspects of coronavirus (COVID-19) | NHS

Works to improve the quality of life for people affected by mental illness. Provides care and emotional support for people with mental health problems, raises awareness and combat stigma about mental illness, and promote and hosts research into the causes and more effective treatments.
Living with COVID: the strategy

BBC Headroom Mental Health Tookit
“We know we can’t solve all your troubles, but we can give you tools to help: whether it’s everyday tips, sounds to relax your mind, strategies to cope with parenting right now or films to get you talking. We’re here for you. And if you think you could benefit from extra advice, visit BBC Action Line for mental health organisations offering information and support.”
Headroom Mental Health Tookit | BBC

NHS psychological therapies service (IAPT)
If you live in England, you can refer yourself to an NHS psychological therapies service (IAPT). IAPT services offer NICE recommended therapies, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), for common problems involving stress, anxiety and depression. Anyone who is registered with a GP can access IAPT services on the NHS. If you’re not registered with a GP, search for a GP.
NHS psychological therapies service (IAPT) | NHS

Support Line
Provides a confidential telephone helpline offering emotional support to any individual on any issue; primarily a preventative service and aims to support people before they reach the point of crisis.
Support Line
01708 765200

“Blurt exists to make a difference to anyone affected by depression. Being diagnosed can be overwhelming – there’s a lot to learn and plenty of prejudice to battle. Telling people is tough, and not everyone will understand. That’s why we’re here for you, whenever you need us, for anything at all. We’ll help you understand depression and what it means for you. We’ll support you, listen to you and introduce you to people who’ve been where you are. We’ll help you break down barriers and broach the subject with those closest to you. We’ll help you help yourself, with a little knowing nod.”
Coronavirus and your mental health

“Vent’s mission is to provide a safe space where everyone, but especially men and boys can express themselves; break down the stigma around mental health, and start conversations.”

The Free Psychotherapy Network
Free psychotherapy for people on low incomes and benefits
The Free Psychotherapy Network

The Black, African, and Asian Therapy Network (BAATN)
Independent UK organisation to specialise in working psychologically, informed by an understanding of intersectionality, with people who identify as Black, African, South Asian and Caribbean.
The Black, African, and Asian Therapy Network (BAATN)

Every mind matters | NHS
There are little things you can all do to help look after our mental health. Having good mental health helps relax more, achieve more and enjoy our lives more. Expert advice and practical tips from NHS to help you look after your mental health and wellbeing, so discover what works for you.
Every mind matters

Sex Addicts Anonymous in the UK (SAA)
Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) welcomes people of any sexual identity or orientation, whether they are gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual, transgender or questioning. SAA offers a message of hope and recovery for sex addicts in the LGBTQ+ communities. SAA is a fellowship of people who share their experience, strength and hope with each other in order to find freedom from addictive sexual behaviour and help others recover from sex addiction. Our programme is based on the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous, though we are not affiliated with AA or any other organisation.
Sex Addicts Anonymous in the UK

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Anxiety, OCD, Eating Disorders, and Self Harm Support

Summary: Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder UK, No Panic, BEAT Eating Disorders, LifeSIGNS, Anxiety UK

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder UK
National charity working for children and adults affected by Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Provides advice, information, and support services for those affected by OCD, and campaign to end the trivialisation and stigma of OCD. User-led service where everyone involved in the organisation have personal experience of OCD, either directly or through a loved one.

No Panic
Helps people who suffer from panic attacks, phobias, obsessive-compulsive disorders and other related anxiety disorders including those people who are trying to give up tranquillizers
No Panic
0844 967 4848

BEAT Eating Disorders
Beat is the UK’s eating disorder charity with resources including tips and advice on recovery in the face of uncertainty, seven ways to keep working towards recovery during the pandemic, and making sure your extra kind and patient with yourself. BEAT exists to end the pain and suffering caused by eating disorders. A champion, guide and friend to anyone affected, giving individuals experiencing an eating disorder and their loved ones a place where they feel listened to, supported and empowered.
BEAT Eating Disorders | Beat Eating Disorders
Eating disorders and coronavirus | Beat Eating Disorders

Voluntary organisation managed and led by people with personal experience of self-injury, and we are non-judgemental, non-directional, and respectful of our members’ and visitors’ life experiences and perceptions. Aims to support all people who are affected in any way by self-injury within the UK and beyond. Supports people using self-injury, and family and friends of people who self-injure, and professionals (including health care workers) who are interested in self-injury. LifeSIGNS has been gay run since its founding in 2002.
Life Signs

Anxiety UK
National registered charity for those affected by anxiety, stress and anxiety-based depression whether you have anxiety, stress, anxiety-based depression, or phobia that’s affecting your daily life.
Anxiety UK
08444 775 774

Click for details


Younger Persons Support

Summary: Mermaids UK | LGBT+, The Mix | under 25s, Voice Collective, Nightline for Students, Hopeline, Vent

Mermaids UK | LGBT+
Supporting transgender, nonbinary and gender-diverse children, young people, and their families since 1995. Support includes a helpline, email service, direct support, online forums for parents and teens, plus local and national meetings.
0808 801 0400
Mermaids UK

The Mix | under 25s
Takes on the embarrassing problems, weird questions, and please-don’t-make-me-say-it-out-loud thoughts you have. Gives you the information and support you need to deal with it all. Because you can. Because you’re awesome, says the Mix
The Mix
Coronavirus: tips and information
0808 808 4994

Voice Collective
UK-wide, London-based project that supports children and young people who hear voices, see visions, have other ‘unusual’ sensory experiences or beliefs. Also, offers support for parents/families, and training for youth workers, social workers, mental health professionals and other supporters.
Voice Collective

Nightline | for Students
Confidential, anonymous, non-judgmental, non-directive and non-advisory support services run by students for students. Any university student can contact the Nightline at their institution.

Confidential support and advice service for children and young people under the age of 35 who are experiencing thoughts of suicide. Anyone concerned that a young person could be thinking about suicide.
0800 068 41 41
07860 039967

Just Like Us
Founded in 2016, we work with schools and young people across the UK.
Just like us 
0300 365 5002

“Vent’s mission is to provide a safe space where everyone, but especially men and boys can express themselves; break down the stigma around mental health, and start conversations.”

Click for details


LGBT+ Podcast

Summary: Bottoming

LGBTQ+ podcast exploring mental health (and dealing with your own rock bottom) presented by Brendan Geoghegan and Matthew Riley. Relaxed and very listenable. Podcasts cover an eclectic mix of topical issues including conversion therapy, exercise and fitness (does it really matter), BlackOut UK, LGBT+ History Month, queer youth making up a quarter of the youth homeless population, and news about the first LGBT+ affirming retirement community in the UK.

Click for details


More Helplines and Support (National)

Summary: Staying Safe (from suicidal thoughts), Bipolar UK, Alcoholics Anonymous, Drinkline, Gamblers Anonymous, GamCare, Narcotics Anonymous (UKNA), Anger Management (British Association of Anger Management), Cruse Bereavement Care

Staying Safe (from suicidal thoughts)
Resources to get you through feelings that your life is not worth living.
Staying Safe

Bipolar UK
Support to enable people affected by bipolar disorder/manic depression to take control of their lives.
0333 323 3880
Bipolar UK

If you are worried about your drinking, call this free helpline in complete confidence.
0300 123 1110 (weekdays 9am – 8pm, weekends 11am – 4pm)

Anger Management (British Association of Anger Management)
0845 130 0286
British Association of Anger Management 

Cruse Bereavement Care
Support, information, advice, to enable anyone bereaved to understand grief and cope with loss.
0808 808 1677
Cruse Bereavement Care

Drug and alcohol support groups and meetings
Drug and alcohol support groups and meetings
including Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Crystal Meth Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, Co-Dependents Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, Families Anonymous, Queers without Beers, and the Outside Theatre Company


Click for details


Networks (National)

Summary: National Survivor User Network (NSUN), Hub of Hope

National Survivor User Network (NSUN)
Network of people who have and do experience mental distress who want to change things for the better. Connects people and influences policy, practice and perceptions by amplifying the experiences and aspirations of our members. Set up to build a more united and confident mental health service user movement. Recognises the isolation, discrimination and disadvantage experienced by mental health service users and their needs beyond clinical treatment.
National Survivor User Network (NSUN)
NSUN Covid-19 update

Hub of Hope
National mental health database which brings together organisations and charities, large and small, from across the country who offer mental health advice and support, together in one place.
Hub of Hope

Click for details


Selection of Facebook and MeetUp Groups

Summary: Men’s Mental Health | Private, Men’s Mental Health | Private, Men’s Health | Open, Black Gay Men’s Wellness Month | Open, Gay Health Network | Open, LGBT Mental Health Providers | Private

Click for details



Short films on mental health, Psych2Go Channel on YouTube, Wanna Talk About It | Netflix

Short films on mental health

Why do so many LGBT people suffer from mental health problems? | BBC Newsnight | 28 Jul 2017 | 6m 39s
How to practice emotional first aid | Guy Winch | TED Talks | 16 Feb 2015 | 17m 28s
Confessions of a depressed comic | Kevin Breel | TED Talks | 27 Sep 2013 | 10m 56s
What’s So Funny About Mental Illness? | Ruby Wax | TED Talks | 10 Oct 2012 | 8m 44s

Psych2Go Channel on YouTube
A “weekly dose of fun and interesting psychology, creepy psychology, psychopaths, serial killers, pop psychology, political psychology. Pretty much whatever you learn in school, but just in a way that you can apply and relate.”

Wanna Talk About It | Netflix
It came as a bit of a surprise when we found that Netflix has a website with support on sexual violence and abuse, mental health and well-being and self-harm and suicide. It’s limited with a heavy US focus. Organisations taking part include the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), Mental Health America, The Trevor Project, Crisis Text Line and American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
Wanna Talk About It | Netflix

Click for details
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Finding a counsellor or therapist

Here are several ways to find counselling or a counsellor:

  • Primary care (GP) and NHS therapists which is free
  • Charity/ voluntary sector therapists for which you may pay
  • Therapists through your place of work/ education
  • Private therapists for which you pay

Your doctor/ GP

For many, the first place people call is their doctor/ GP. They should be familiar with your medical history and can direct you to the appropriate treatment or service. Depending on your needs, these services may be provided by your GP surgery, a large local health centre, a specialist mental health clinic or a hospital. The treatment may be provided on a one-to-one basis or in a group with others with similar difficulties. Therapy can also sometimes involve partners and families. You have the legal right to choose which provider and clinical team you’re referred to by your GP for your first outpatient appointment. In most cases, you have a right to choose which mental health service provider you go to in England.

Things to consider

  • Therapy provided through the NHS should be free of charge
  • You’ll want to make sure that the therapist you see is qualified and works to professional standards; eg: BACP and/ or UKBP (see below)
  •  It may be helpful to check your counsellor has experience working with LGBTQ+ people and/ or has had appropriate training
  • Treatment can be shorter (weeks/ months) to longer (months/ years) depending on your needs.
  • If at any point you feel uncomfortable, you have every right to stop your sessions and find a more suitable counsellor
  • Some local authorities operate services you can contact directly to refer yourself
  • Some HIV organisations provide counselling directly or may be able to signpost you

Some of us prefer gay or gay-friendly services which, as a rule, are much better understanding the issues affecting our lives, and the context. Others are happy to access mainstream services. Most health services aim to be welcoming, respectful, knowledgeable, and understanding. The thing is to find a service that’s right for you and that “gets the job done” so to speak.

The reality

The reality is many people – including LGBT+ people – are trying to access counselling and mental health services at a time when there is less funding and more cuts than ever before. Yes, there’s a lot of hoopla in the media about the importance of mental health support but words need to be turned into actions so people like you (reading this) can access the support you need with ease and in a reasonable time.

Increased visibility and, in part, on the back of the COVID pandemic, counselling and mental health support advertisements are popping up everywhere (some glorified databases with a flashy front page) so be mindful and be thorough when seeking support.

Types of counselling and therapy

Types of talking therapy | NHS
What different therapies are there? | MIND
A-Z of types of therapy | BACP
Types of psychotherapy | UKCP

The largest registering bodies in the UK, the UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP) trains psychotherapists while the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) trains counsellors and psychotherapists. For example, public sector jobs as a psychotherapist or counsellor adverts usually ask for someone who is BACP or UKCP registered.


How to find a therapist | British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP)
How to choose a psychotherapist | UK Council for Psychotherapy

Talking therapy and counselling | Mind
How to access mental health services | NHS
Counselling | NHS

Finding the right chemsex support | MEN R US

 Mental health: Unqualified therapists exploiting vulnerable patients | BBC | 5 Nov 2021
HIV-positive people ‘fearful’ of therapists as critical NHS mental health failings exposed | Pink News | 21 Oct 2021
How to find the right therapist | The Guardian | 9 Jan 2021

Directories and signposting

Switchboard LGBT+ Helpline
Listening service for LGBT+ people over the phone, via email and online chat. Can provide you with contact details of an LGBT+ friendly therapist.

Pink Therapy
Directory of qualified LGBTQIA+ friendly therapists and counsellors providing trusted, non-judgmental services for people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer, asexual, intersex and anyone who identifies as gender, sex or relationship diverse.

London Friend
Offers support groups and services, such as counselling and drug and alcohol support.

Supports lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer or questioning (LGBTQ) Muslims. Online forum where people can share experiences and ask for help.

Pink Therapy
Online directory of therapists who work with people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex and queer or questioning (LGBTIQ), and people who are gender- and sexual-diverse (GSD).

Get information about mental health support for people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, intersex, non-binary, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ).

LGBT+ membership organisation with Directory to find local mental health services.

LGBT Foundation
Offers information, advice, and support services, including a Talking Therapies Programme for LGBT people living in the Northwest

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Mental health apps

MENTAL HEALTH APPSTechnology today gives you the ability to seek an extraordinary range of mental health support directly from your phone, some addressing specific needs. They provide access to more affordable and accessible therapists, offer research-backed strategies to help cope with everything from anxiety and depression to suicidal thoughts, OCD, and eating disorders, and help us meditate to calm down and reduce stress.

Unfortunately, too often this comes at the cost of privacy. When choosing an app, be mindful that:

  • They collect personal information about you
  • Some use the information as a business asset to make money (selling to third-party advertisers, for example)
  • Some don’t always give users the option to access and delete the personal information they collect
  • Many could make improvements to better secure and protect the information you share

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, these are the advantages and disadvantages of these apps:


  • Convenience: Treatment can take place anytime and anywhere and may be ideal for those who have trouble with in-person appointments.
  • Anonymity: Clients can seek treatment options without involving other people.
  • An introduction to care: Technology may be a good first step for those who have avoided mental health care in the past.
  • Lower cost: Some apps are free or cost less than traditional care.
  • Service to more people: Technology can help mental health providers offer treatment to people in remote areas or to many people in times of sudden need.
  • Interest: Some technologies might be more appealing than traditional treatment methods, which may encourage clients to continue therapy.
  • 24-hour service: Technology can provide round-the-clock monitoring or intervention support.
  • Consistency: Technology can offer the same treatment programme to all users.
  • Support: Technology can complement traditional therapy by extending an in-person session, reinforcing new skills, and providing support and monitoring.
  • Objective data collection: Technology can quantitatively collect information such as location, movement, phone use, and other information.


  • Effectiveness: The biggest concern with technological interventions is obtaining scientific evidence that they work and that they work as well as traditional methods.
  • For whom and for what: Another concern is understanding if apps work for all people and for all mental health conditions.
  • Privacy: Apps deal with very sensitive personal information so app makers need to be able to guarantee privacy for app users.
  • Guidance: There are no industry-wide standards to help consumers know if an app or other mobile technology is proven effective.
  • Regulation: The question of who will or should regulate mental health technology and the data it generates needs to be answered.
  • Overselling: There is some concern that if an app or programme promises more than it delivers, consumers may turn away from other, more effective therapies.


*privacy not included — Mental Health Apps Edition | Mozilla Foundation | May 2022
Young and depressed? Try Woebot! The rise of mental health chatbots in the US | The Guardian | 13 Apr 2022
Can an app improve NHS mental health support? | Imperial College London | 29 Jul 2021
Technology and the future of mental health treatment | National Institutes of Health | USA | Revised: Sep 2019

Mental health support directory | MEN R US
Mental health matters | MEN R US

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LGBT+ People and COVID-19

COVID-19 AND LGBT+It goes without saying that COVID-19 has affected everybody in one way or another around the world, and continues to do so. The LGBT+ community have been hard it by COVID-19 some of whom already experience long term inequalities and research studies clearly evidence that LGBT+ people have less favourable health outcomes than their heterosexual counterparts, eg:

These impacts have increased markedly under COVID-19 as LGBT+ people have virtually no access to their (street) communities, and (already stretched) LGBT+ services and mainstream services. Currently, research/ studies are limited but evidence identified strongly indicates that the COVID-19 pandemic has had a negative impact on the mental health of LGBT+ people living in the UK.

Specifically, increased anxiety and depression and feelings of isolation and loneliness; increased domestic abuse, and increased substance misuse with relapses from sobriety; the loss of queer safe spaces, supportive identity-affirming peer-groups, including scene venues (declining in Greater London). This echoes local intelligence gathered by GMHC during the lockdowns when we added additional mental health content, repeatedly signposted to services still open via social media – at a time when visitor numbers doubled.

With this in mind, we have also pulled together articles about how COVID-19 has affected LGBT+ people though we should also say that we have also been resilient, imaginative, inclusive, and supportive in ways we could not have imagined in 2019.

 ‘I had to hide myself again’: young LGBT people on their life in UK lockdown | The Guardian | 5 Aug 2020
 Lockdown having ‘pernicious impact’ on LGBT community’s mental health | The Guardian | 5 Aug 2020
 LGBT: Covid-19 forced me back home where I’m ‘unwanted’ | BBC News | 31 May 2020

Impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on the LGBT community | Wikipedia

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Self esteem

Self-esteem is about you: your opinion of yourself which often includes your beliefs, abilities and limitations. It’s something we feel inside but is shaped, influenced and evolves by external factors over time through relationships, life experiences, culture, religion, and society. Many beliefs you hold about you are often a reflection of messages and experiences you’ve received from family, partners, friends, and social media, for example. It is natural to feel better about yourself some days more than others, but you want to keep your overall self-esteem in a healthy range.

Self-esteem | MIND
Self-esteem | Psychology Today
Self-esteem | Wikipedia

Raising low self-esteem | NHS
How can I improve my self-esteem? | MIND

What we get wrong about self-esteem: It’s built through actions, not words | The Conversation | 16 Aug 2023
Seven ways to boost your self-esteem | The Guardian | 21 Jan 2019

Things you can do and try:

  • Look after yourself
  • Be kind to yourself
  • Try to recognise positives
  • Own only what’s yours
  • Don’t compare yourself with others
  • Accept your strengths
  • Separate feelings from facts
  • Build a support network
  • Check negative self-talk
  • Search for the shades of grey in life
    Set yourself manageable goals or challenge yourself
  • Exercise
  • Try talking therapy
  • Forgive yourself
  • Encourage yourself
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Loneliness | MENRUS.CO.UKLoneliness is the feeling of sadness that comes from not having as much company as you would like or the or the type of company you would like. It’s also been described as the feeling we get when our need for positive social contact and relationships is not there or lacking in some way.

We all feel lonely from time to time

Feelings of loneliness are personal to us, so everyone’s experience is different. Loneliness has many different causes and can happen whether we live alone or surrounded by others. Loneliness is a normal response to feeling disconnected – or feeling apart – from others emotionally, physically or both.

The truth is we all feel lonely from time to time. This doesn’t mean that it is an easy emotion to live with and loneliness can sometimes be a trigger for other mental health issues like depression.

Being alone and loneliness

Loneliness is not always the same as being alone. You may choose to be alone and live happily without much contact with other people, while others may find this a lonely experience. Or you may have lots of social contact or be in a relationship or part of a family, and still feel lonely especially if you don’t feel understood or cared for by the people around you.

Life and life events may mean we can feel lonely. These include:

  • Coming out or questioning your sexuality
  • Leaving home or moving to a new area or country
  • Starting at college or university
  • A relationship break-up
  • A job change
  • Retirement
  • Bereavement or someone dying
  • Something you can’t quite put your finger on

We should also be mindful that people who live in certain circumstances are more vulnerable to loneliness. For example, if you:

  • Have no friends or family and/ or are estranged from family
  • Belong to minority groups and live in an area without others from a similar background
  • Are excluded from social activities due to mobility problems or a shortage of money
  • Experience discrimination and stigma because of a disability or long-term health problem, including mental health problems
  • Experience discrimination and stigma because of your gender, race or sexual orientation
  • Have experienced sexual or physical abuse – you may find it harder to form close relationships with other people

Adapted from What causes loneliness? | Mind

There is no magic answer but…

Loneliness affects everyone differently and it can often feel overwhelming and something out of our control. There’s no magic answer or solution but learning how to deal with it as something that can happen from time to time in our lives can help us know you can do to help yourself and where to go for support. This starts with acknowledging loneliness in yourself, working out what you need, and taking action and doing something about it.

Changing your perceptions

Key is changing your perceptions of the world around you. For example, it’s realising that sometimes people aren’t able to meet up with you, not because there is something inherently wrong with you, but because of other things going on in their lives. Or the person that you wanted to have dinner with wasn’t able to accept your invitation because it was too short notice for them and they had already promised someone else they would have drinks.

People who aren’t lonely realise this and don’t get down or start beating themselves up when someone says no. When you don’t attribute “failures” to yourself, but rather to circumstances, you become much more resilient in life and can keep going. Getting rid of loneliness – or better managing it – is also about letting go of cynicism and mistrust of others.

So next time you meet someone new, try to lose that protective shield and really allow them in, even though you don’t know what the outcome will be.

Apps have done more harm than good to the community’

Social media’s a double-edged sword for gay men. It can be great for making connections and hooking up, but it also encourages a tendency for external validation. You’re making snap judgements about what people look like. Then there’s sex: the ultimate validation. It can be easy to get stuck in this loop of validation that comes from sex with strangers. Except the sex and the connection can turn out to be meaningless. It can be really easy to become addicted to the apps.

If they’re concerned about app use, I encourage clients to monitor who’s in control. Are the apps controlling me, or am I in control? And ask; am I being kind to myself and others? If you’re in control and being kind to yourself and others then it’s OK. But in all honesty, I’d argue the apps have done more harm than good to the community.

The gay scene I grew with in the 90s before apps existed has changed beyond all recognition. There was a big range of venues in London and people were more sociable. We went out primarily to socialise and hopefully hook up if we got lucky!

Of course, before the apps, loneliness existed. From personal experience, I can remember being in large clubs surrounded by friends and feeling lonely. It’s not just about sitting at home by yourself. You can feel alone in a crowd.

Why do so many gay men feel lonely? | No hyperlink available | Digital Pride | May 2019

Exercise: get out and active | MENRUS.CO.UKDon’t just read this list, do something

Activities and social groups | MEN R US
A helpline if you want to talk to someone | MEN R US 
Mental health support | MEN R US 

Over tea and biccies, we pulled together a list of things to do (in no particular order) which we hope will nudge or inspire you to take a first step:

  • Reach out
  • Get out
  • Just say hello once in a while
  • Don’t forget to thank and compliment others
  • Look after yourself better, more
  • Learn something new in real life, or on the internet
  • Take a long walk, perhaps explore your neighbourhood
  • Jump on a bus, any bus
  • Spend (more) time with your pet
  • Volunteer for a cause or charity
  • Join a club, activity, or networking group
  • Take up a new hobby
  • Get into books
  • Garden, even if it’s a window box
  • Keep in contact online
  • Borrow a dog (with permission)
  • Email us to let us know how we can make this section better


Loneliness | Mind
Mental health issues if you’re gay, lesbian or bisexual | NHS

Loneliness | Wikipedia
Loneliness | Psychology Today
Loneliness | Age Concern
What is loneliness | Black Dog Institute | Australia

News articles and further reading

LGBTQ+ people in the countryside need a voice | Openly | 3 Nov 2023
Nine ways to feel less lonely | BBC Radio 4 | No date
Loneliness, loss and regret: what getting old really feels like – new study | The Conversation | 8 Sep 2021
Why it’s time to stop pursuing happiness | The Guardian | 10 Jan 2021
Coronavirus lockdown: LGBTQ people face hostility and loneliness | The Conversation | 16 Apr 2020
Loneliness is contagious – and here’s how to beat it | The Conversation | 13 Jul 2018
Loneliness Experiment (Valentine’s Day 2018) | BBC | 1 Oct 2018
Think of your LGBT friends who might be lonely this Christmas | Huff Post | 17 Dec 2018
  Loneliness: What characteristics and circumstances are associated with feeling lonely? | National Office of Statistics | 10 Apr 2018
Is loneliness the gay man’s curse, or a product of 21st century life? | Gay Times | 29 Aug 2017
The Epidemic of Gay Loneliness | Highline | Michael Hobbs | 2 Mar 2017

YouTube video responses to the article The Epidemic of Gay Loneliness

“The Epidemic of Gay Loneliness” | Donny Winter | 19 Mar 2017 | 11m 53s
“The Epidemic of Gay Loneliness” | Zack Arad | 11 Mar 2017 | 18m 26s

Loneliness | Kurzgesagt (In a Nutshell) | 17 Feb 2021 | 12m 29s

“Discrimination and hate crime are still common, and have increased since Brexit, and many gay men still internalise a sense of shame due to rejection and alienation,” says Meg-John. “Bisexual people have historically been rejected from both straight and gay communities, meaning there’s very little support available when they’re struggling. Constant ‘debates’ about trans existence, coupled with everyday experiences of misgendering and transphobic bullying – which 8 out of 10 trans kids experience – take a massive toll on mental health, meaning trans people have frighteningly high rates of suicidal thoughts.”

Gay, bi, and trans men grow up knowing heterosexual and cisgender is the default, sometimes in very hostile environments. Even before they work out what’s different about them, it’s likely their peers, families and schoolteachers have spotted the signs. The effect of being “seen” in this way, is profound and enduring. Says Anthony, a gay man now in his fifties: “The overwhelming fear anyone should find out gave me the ability to cut myself off from my emotions, or at the very least bury them very deeply.”

  LGBT+ people are more depressed than straight people. Here’s why. | GQ | 1 Nov 2018

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DepressionAll of us have times when we’re unhappy, miserable, fed-up, pessimistic and feeling low, which usually comes about due to disappointment, frustration and loss.

We sometimes rationalise it and call it ‘exhaustion’, ‘overdoing’ it or ‘nothing a club night won’t put right’. They’re reasonable things to say because we do get tired, we can overdo it and a night out might be just what we need to relax and let our hair down. Sometimes, this is depression.

Problems start when you start to feel this way more often than not. Little interest or enjoyment in life, feeling helpless and/or inadequate, feelings of loneliness and isolation and lack of motivation and drive are all examples of this.

You may also have difficulty in making decisions, may no longer feel able to cope at work, and personal relationships are difficult and strained. You begin to feel that life isn’t worth living.

Sometimes the cause is obvious: the end of a relationship, chronic money worries, a bereavement, unemployment or physical illness. However, depression can seem to ‘just happen’ which makes it difficult to comprehend.

Depression becomes an illness and requires medical attention or professional treatment when it won’t go away. Persistent warning signs and symptoms of depression include:

  • Lack of enjoyment of activities that are usually fun or enjoyable.
  • Poor concentration.
  • Inability to sleep properly, lying awake or waking up in the early hours.
  • Frequent feelings of gloom and sense of despair.
  • Emotional outbursts and crying for no apparent reason.
  • Extreme apathy.
  • Difficulty concentrating.
  • Noticeable increase or decrease in appetite.
  • Reduced sex drive.
  • Loss of self-confidence or self-esteem.
  • Heavy drinking or drug abuse.
Depression | MIND
Clinical depression | NHS
Depression | ReThink
Mental health statistics: LGBT people | Mental Health Foundation
Depression | Terrence Higgins Trust

LGBT+ young people disproportionately experience depression, anxiety and panic attacks | ITV | 25 Apr 2021
People with depression can sometimes experience memory problems – here’s why | The Conversation | 9 Feb 2021
Depression strongly associated with risky sex in UK gay men | nam aidsmap | 2 Jun 2015

The Science of Depression | AsapSCIENCE | 19 Aug 2014 | 3m 45s
What is depression? | TED-Ed | 15 Dec 2015 | 4m 28s


If the following steps don’t help you then seek professional help:

  • Talk problems and worries through with a trusted friend.
  • Don’t bottle up your emotions. If you need to cry: cry.
  • Take some regular exercise.
  • Eat a balanced diet and avoid binge eating.
  • Don’t drink alcohol to feel better – the immediate relief will only be followed by a deeper depression.
  • Take up a relaxation exercise.
  • Don’t cut yourself off from close friends. If you can, tell them the truth.

Not everybody can accept that they are depressed. It may not sit comfortably with how you see yourself or how you like others to see you: strong, masculine, in control. It’s a very male thing stemming from all the macho stuff we pick up in childhood, from family and on TV and film.

Attitudes are starting to change for the better although many of us find it very difficult to show our feelings and emotions. Ironically, coming to terms with depression and acknowledging the need for treatment will probably be one of the truly brave things you will do in your life.

Professional help

Depression doesn’t usually just go away – its there for a reason although you may not know what the reasons are. You should seek professional help, and in the first instance, this is likely to be your GP. However, if you think or know that your depression is related to sex or your sexual health, speak to your sexual health clinic who may be able to provide support, counselling or a referral service.

If these steps are too much, phone one of the helplines listed below which may give you the confidence to see someone in person. Professional help is usually based on the idea of helping you to help yourself, and the appropriate counsellor or psychotherapist will encourage you to talk about your feelings and explore and confront the possible reasons for them. This can take weeks, sometimes months, occasionally years.

Treatment and support | ReThink
Types of therapy | MIND

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One of the problems with depression is knowing where to start particularly if you’re feeling de-motivated and apathetic. Anti-depressants can kick-start the recovery process and let a little light in. This allows you to see that you can feel better, be more responsive to help and support and that further treatment will be beneficial. Unfortunately, some anti-depressants have had a bad reputation because some of the older drugs have worked but have had side-effects such as drowsiness, blurred vision, heart irregularities, constipation and a dry mouth.

However, a new generation of anti-depressants called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) has fewer side-effects. It is increasingly accepted that depression can be caused by disordered biochemistry within the brain. Nerve cells (neurons) – which take information across the brain – communicate with each other using electrical signals. These signals have to jump tiny gaps between the cells called synapses but can only do so with the help of chemical neurotransmitters such as serotonin and noradrenaline which are thought to affect mood. Like ferries carry passengers across a river, neurotransmitters carry electrical signals across synapses. Fewer neurotransmitters mean fewer signals can take information across the brain and, in this instance, we can become depressed. SSRIs boost levels of neurotransmitters. Familiar brand names include Seroxat and Prozac.

Antidepressants | NHS
Antidepressants | Mind
Antidepressants | ReThink
Antidepressants | Wikipedia


Antidepressants: I wasn’t told about the side effects | BBC News | 9 Aug 2023
Antidepressants: Two million taking them for five years or more | BBC News | 19 Jun 2023
Considering going off antidepressants? Here’s what to think about first | The Conversation | 27 Feb 2023
Exercise is even more effective than counselling or medication for depression. But how much do you need? | 2 Mar 2023
Adults with depression who want to quit antidepressants should be given support on how to do it safely over time | NICE | 17 Jan 2023
Antidepressants can cause ‘emotional blunting’, study shows | The Guardian | 23 Jan 2023
Antidepressant use in England soars as pandemic cuts counselling access | The Guardian | 1 Jan 2021
New antidepressants can lift depression and suicidal thoughts fast, but don’t expect magic cures | The Conversation | 21 Dec 2020
We can no longer ignore the potential of psychedelic drugs to treat depression | The Guardian | 8 Jun 2020
Antidepressants: Please, PLEASE, do not just abandon your meds! | The Guardian | 24 Jan 2020

Medicines Compendium (eMC) UK | eMC

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Suicide and suicidal thoughts

Suicide is a subject many are afraid to talk about or even acknowledge but … type “suicide” into Google and we found 368 million results and 650 million video results.  Clearly some of us are talking about it and this is a good thing.

What is suicide?

Definitions vary but a common understanding of suicide is ‘ending one’s own life’ or the ‘intentional taking of one’s own life’. People take their own lives for many reasons. It is a way to escape and/ or top stop pain or suffering – often the endpoint of a complicated story and chain of distressing events.

Mental health among LGBT+ people

Related to this, we cannot ignore the fact that poorer levels of mental health among LGBT+ people (than our straight counterparts) are linked to experiences of homophobic and transphobic discrimination and bullying, and rejection by families. Other factors include age, religion, where you live or ethnicity, which can complicate an already distressing situation.

There are also less obvious factors like family ‘forgetting’ to invite you to a wedding or Christmas, for example, or inviting you but then ignoring who you really are. These ongoing stresses can chip away at one’s confidence, self-esteem and sense of worth, even after coming out. This may lead to darker negative thoughts and a sense of hopelessness.

We can’t even scratch the surface here but we hope you will find the helplines and support, and information helpful.

Are you having suicidal thoughts or feeling suicidal?

Some people feel suicidal or have suicidal thoughts at some point in their lives. Most of the time, these complex and overwhelming feelings pass, and they will no longer wish to end their life. If you have suicidal thoughts, are planning your suicide, or are near to taking your life, there are people who can help. You may feel more comfortable talking to someone who is LGBT+ who may better understand what you’re going through, like LGBT+ Switchboard on 0300 330 0630.

If you’re not in a good place or are in crisis:

  • Get through today as best you can, taking it one step at a time.
  • Focus on what you can do now, not tomorrow or next week.
  • Find a place where you feel safe and, if being by yourself worries you, go to a friend or family member or an HIV, sexual health, or LGBT+ organisation you may know.
  • Reach out and seek support; if you don’t know where to turn, our list of helplines is a good place to start.
  • Stay away from drugs and/ or alcohol, as they can make you feel worse, particularly if you have an existing mental health condition.

Are you concerned about someone you know?

  • Be alert: Not everyone who thinks about suicide will tell someone, but there may be warning signs.
  • Be honest: Tell the person why you’re worried about them, and ask about suicide. Tell them you want to know how they are and that it’s OK to talk about suicide.
  • Listen: Just listening is one of the most helpful things you can do. Try not to judge or give advice.
  • Get them some help: A range of help and helpful advice is available.
  • Take care of yourself: You may find it helpful to discuss your feelings with another friend or a confidential service.

Support on suicide and suicidal thoughts

Suicidal feelings | MIND
Suicide thoughts | Mental Health Foundation
Suicide | The Calm Zone
Help for suicidal thoughts | NHS
Mental health issues if you’re gay, lesbian, bisexual or trans | NHS
Self-harm and suicide | wannatalkaboutit (Netflix)

LGBT+ Switchboard Helpline
0800 0119 100 | Switchboard LGBT+ Helpline

116 123 | Samaritans

The Listening Place
020 3906 7676 The Listening Place 
Provides free, face-to-face, ongoing support, by appointment, for those who feel that life is no longer worth living. Operates from multiple sites across central London. Your appointment location should always have been sent to you before your appointment. If you are unsure where your appointment is taking place, contact 020 3906 7676, and a member of its team can help.

LGBT Foundation
0300 330 0630 | LGBT Foundation

  0800 1111 | 24/7 | ChildLine

Hopeline UK | up to 35
0800 068 4141 | Hopeline UK

0300 5000 927 |   Rethink Mental Illness

ReThink: Support After Service
Support After Service for people who have been bereaved by suicide. London boroughs of Camden, Islington, Barnet, Enfield and Haringey only.
ReThink: support after service

The Calm Zone Helpline
Nationwide: 0800 58 58 58 | CALM Helpline
London: 0808 802 58 58 |  CALM Helpline

If you are feeling suicidal, we’re here to support you. Maytree’s house is open 365 days a year for people feeling suicidal. We offer a free 4-night, 5-day stay for adults, with the opportunity to be heard in complete confidence in a caring, safe environment.
  72 Moray Road, Finsbury Park, London N4 3LG
020 7263 7070

Helpful pointers from Prevening suicide in Sussex
Are you concerned about someone you know? | Preventing suicide in Sussex
If you don’t live in Sussex please select one of the helplines listed above

Faces of attempted suicide | Men’s Health UK | 16 May 2019 | 9m 51s
Olly Alexander: growing up gay in a straight world | BBC 3 | 6 Mar 2019 | 3m 34s
Suicide awareness | This Morning | 28 Mar 2018 | 2m 24s

Information and statistics
Suicide | Wikipedia
Suicide in the United Kingdom | Wikipedia
Samaritans facts and figures | Samaritans
Suicide among LGBT youth in the USA | Wikipedia
Suicide | World Health Organisation (WHO)
Preventing suicide: a resource series | WHO | 24 Jun 2019

Suicide helplines around the world
Suicide helplines around the world listed by country | suicide.org
Suicide helplines in the USA listed by state | suicide.org

News articles
Sexuality, suicide attempts and the strongman: McNaghten on winning his mental battle | BBC Sport | 3 Jul 2020
Lockdown: Suicide fears soar in LGBT community | BBC | 2 Jul 2020
Justin Fashanu: National Football Museum Hall of Fame induction ‘deserved’, says niece Amal | BBC Sport | 19 Feb 2020
Suicide rates fall after gay marriage legalised in Sweden and Denmark | The Guardian | 14 Nov 2019
Bullying: Fifth of young people in UK have been victims in past year – report | BBC News | 11 Nov 2019
What Alan Turing £50 notes mean to the LGBT community | BBC News | 16 Jul 2019
Lives are ruined by shame and stigma. LGBT lessons in schools are vital | The Guardian | 20 Mar 2019
LGB students at higher risk of self-harm | University of Manchester et al | 23 Nov 2018
Lesbian, gay, and bisexual people say they experience a lower quality of life | Office of National Statistics | 5 Jul 2017
Almost half of trans pupils in UK have attempted suicide, survey finds | The Guardian | 27 Jun 2017
‘Higher suicide risk for young gay and lesbian people’ | BBC Newsbeat | 13 Jan 2014

Reports, studies and reviews
Mental health statistics: LGBT people | Mental Health Foundation
Stonewall’s LGBT in Britain Health Report | MIND
A review of lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans and intersex (LGBTI) health and healthcare inequalities | PDF | University of Brighton | Laetitia Zeeman et al | 2016 (est).
LGBTI populations and mental health inequality | LGBT Health and Wellbeing, Scotland and others | PDF | 2018
Inequality among lesbian, gay bisexual and transgender groups in the UK: a review of evidence | National Institute of Economic and Social Research | N Hudson-Sharp, H Metcalf | PDF | June 2016
Suicidality among lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth | ILGA Europe | PDF | 2007

Depression | Students Against Depression
Bullying | Bullying UK
Depression | Depression Alliance

What is suicide? | Here to Help | Canada
Suicide Prevention | Helpguide | US

The Recovery Letters | US
Letters are all written with the intention to try and alleviate some of the pain of depression, to make the loneliness slightly more bearable and above all to give hope that you can recover.

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Stress anxiety and depression

Stress, anxiety and depression are closely related; sometimes they’re just different manifestations of the same problem. All of them arise to some extent from a difficulty in dealing with the pressures and demands that we face in everyday life – and although they’re hard work at the time, it’s important to remember that nearly everyone has suffered from some form of stress-related incident in their lives.

  • Stress is your response to the reality of a situation when demands outstrip your supply of physical and mental resources and (very often) time.
    ‘My boyfriend and I seem to be drifting apart, but there’s never time to sit down and talk about it… I just don’t know what to do.’
  • Anxiety is the fear or apprehension you feel when you think something unpleasant is going to happen.
    ‘I’m worried my boyfriend’s seeing someone else and is going to leave… I have sleepless nights thinking about what would happen if he did.’
  • Depression is an overwhelming sense of negative thoughts about the past, present and future.
    ‘My boyfriend left me last week and he’s taken most of the stuff. I feel lonely and can’t stop crying. Life’s just not worth living anymore.’
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Stress and anxiety

If you’re always struggling to meet deadlines or coping with pressure, either at work or in your personal life, you may start suffering from stress. Here are a few things to look out for:

  • You work too hard and for too long
  • You have little or no time for rest and relaxation
  • You don’t get enough sleep
  • You don’t eat enough
  • You don’t exercise enough
  • Your friendships and relationships are suffering

Anxiety is caused by events, circumstances or situations which are threats, dangers or generate strong emotions. The body’s response is to release hormones such as adrenalin which bring about physical changes preparing us to work at maximum efficiency and which enabled our ancestors to attack wooly mammoths or run like hell. Today, this is known as the ‘fight or flight’ response. The body reacts in the following ways:

  • Blood sugar levels rise to provide energy
  • Our heart beats more rapidly and we breathe more deeply to increase oxygen supply to the muscles
  • We sweat to prevent overheating
  • Our pupils dilate to enable us to see better
  • Our stomachs churn and we need to shit to reduce body weight for running
  • Our balls pull themselves up into the body for safety

While the need to fight mammoths and marauding invaders no longer exists, the response to stress still exists and the threats have evolved. Our worries about where we’re going in life, and our feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem also fuel stress. Furthermore these threats rarely require us to ‘flee or fight’ and so anxiety tends to build up rather than get burned off running like hell or knocking the shit out of the enemy. The symptoms of anxiety are varied. Some happen immediately; others develop over time – weeks, months, even years.

Mental and emotional signs and symptoms

  • Inability to cope
  • Feeling of helplessness
  • Fear of failure (and success)
  • Fear of rejection
  • Poor memory
  • Inability to concentrate
  • Being easily distracted
  • Irritability
  • A build-up of emotions such as anger, jealousy and guilt
  • Cumming pre-maturely or not being able to cum at all
  • Dependence on alcohol, smoking, and recreational drugs
  • A feeling of impending doom

Physical signs and symptoms

  • Racing pulse and palpitations (unusually forceful heart beat)
  • Trembling and shaking
  • Sweating and flushing
  • Dry mouth
  • Lump in the throat
  • ‘Pit’ in the stomach
  • Stomach pain and peptic ulcers (raw area in the stomach eroded by excess acid)
  • Loose shit / diarrhoea
  • Headaches, nausea, dizziness and faintness
  • Numbness, pins and needles
  • Aching muscles, eg: shoulders and neck
  • Eczema and skin conditions
  • Insomnia, tiredness and bad dreams
  • Depressed immunity with increased susceptibility to infections
  • High blood pressure
  • Angina (chest pain), stroke and heart attack
  • Compulsive or obsessive behaviour, eg: eating
  • Loss of appetite
  • Loss of interest in sex
  • Needing to piss often

When anxiety works

Anxiety is a perfectly normal reaction to a problem or a fear which cannot be resolved or doesn’t have an immediate solution. For example, you may feel mildly anxious starting a new job or very anxious if someone you care about has just received a positive HIV diagnosis. But no one would think they were extreme or out of proportion in the circumstances. While it might be distressing for your friends to see you so worried over the diagnosis of your friend or puzzling to see you worrying about the job, your reactions in both situations would be normal. Both these scenarios involve feelings about something which you think might happen: not getting on with your new work colleagues, for example, or fearing the death or illness of your friend. We use words and phrases like ‘…I’m feeling apprehensive’, ‘…dreading the worst’, or ‘…feeling nervous’. A certain amount of anxiety is part and parcel of life, whether it’s the financial difficulties, interviews, illnesses or losing your mobile phone.

Anxiety uses up energy and feeds on strong emotions, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. When a problem presents itself we can be motivated to make decisions, engage in practical activities and find a solution to deal with the problem. Anxiety can be a good thing insofar as, without it, lots of things would be left undone, and so a degree of stress in our lives is a motivator. Difficulties arise when we dwell incessantly on the result of a threat or problem, feel unable to prioritise the key components of a response, or cannot find a solution. Eventually, the anxiety is out of proportion to the circumstances. In severe cases we can cease to function at all.

Work and home lives are neglected either because we’re too anxious to start anything or we’re easily distracted by some other more worrying job. The fear of anxiety can attach itself to specific areas like agoraphobia or claustrophobia. Some people get panic attacks which trigger overwhelming anxiety, fear and dread. Before we know it we’re pacing up and down (or rooted to the spot), stomach knotted, and feeling as if the world is about to close in on us. An over-active thyroid gland and depression can mimic anxiety in younger persons and heart, lung and digestive problems may produce similar symptoms. However, the more symptoms you have – the more likely anxiety is to blame.

Managing and reducing stress and anxiety


The best way to deal with stress is to be positive and constructive, see situations in perspective, analyse problems logically and find realistic solutions. Easier said than done? Here are some suggestions:

  • Work out which situations and people cause stress and why; you may be able to make changes in a positive manner. Talk honestly – but sensitively – to those you see as being at the root cause of your troubles.
  • Change those things that can be changed, learn to accept those that cannot
  • Find solutions and make decisions as calmly as circumstances allow, and not under the pressure of deadlines
  • Break problems or tasks into bite-sized chunks and tackle them one step at the time
  • Set realistic targets and goals
  • Expect to make mistakes and don’t give up when the going gets tough. It’s all experience, learn from it and use it to your advantage
  • Talk more slowly and listen without interrupting
  • Learn to be patient and lose your great sense of urgency
  • Don’t say something will take two hours when it will take four, just to please someone. If it takes four, say so
  • Learn to value your strengths and acknowledge areas that need support – both are part of you
  • Don’t compare yourself to others; but if you feel there is a need – don’t be unfair on yourself
  • Don’t expect others to change before you are prepared to change yourself
  • If things are getting on top of you: say so. Express your emotions.
How to overcome fear and anxiety | Mental Health Foundation
Struggling with stress | NHS Choices
Stress | Rethink
How to manage stress | MIND

Can Stress Actually Kill You? | AsapSCIENCE | 29 Oct 2013 | 3m07s


  • Accept that your anxiety is a reality
  • Talk to a trusted friend who is a good listener and whose judgement you trust
  • Talk to someone who has been through a similar experience through a self help group, for example
  • Regular exercise, relaxation techniques and mediation can all help – not just when the crisis is on top of you, but by making it a part of your everyday life
  • Keep a note of situations which cause anxiety, and look for patterns. Is your anxiety precipitated by events, circumstances, and/or people? Prioritise the level of stress they cause.
  • Identify what helps to relieve and manage your stress
  • Examine what measures you can take to reduce anxiety at work and at home. Here are a few suggestions:
  • Decide on a range of relaxation techniques, eg: a massage, meditation, swimming, a walk.
  • Re-schedule duties or tasks to reduce anxious situations blurring into each other
  • Buffer anxious situations with ‘relaxation slots’, eg: a ten-minute break, a full lunch hour or a massage
  • Re-allocate priorities, make a list and stick to it
  • A realistic ‘hit list’ of things to do for the day/week, tackling tasks and problems one at time, allocating each of them an action plan and ticking them off as you achieve them
  • Delegate more
  • Be more assertive
  • Be more realistic about deadlines and being more assertive when negotiating them
  • Improve your most frequently used environments, eg: flowers, incense, a ticking clock, soothing music, a more comfortable chair
  • Switch on the answerphone during breaks whether you’re doing the housework or between meetings

If symptoms of anxiety persist, or if you feel there is no noticeable improvement, it’s important to seek professional help. It’s certainly better to receive treatment early. Just talking through the issues with your GP may be enough. Alternatively therapy may be suggested to help you better understand and manage your anxiety. Admittedly it’s heavier stuff, but it’s about helping you to help yourself and not about carting you off to a hospital against your will! In some cases tranquillizers are prescribed as a short time measure to provide some ‘head space’ – however, they don’t deal with the root cause of your anxiety.

Why do I feel anxious and panicky? | NHS Choices
Generalised anxiety disorder in adults | NHS Choices
Anxiety disorders | ReThink
Anxiety and panic attacks | MIND
How to overcome fear and anxiety | Mental Health Foundation

Exercise and diet

Regular exercise such as swimming, cycling, going to the gym or other non-competitive sport is essential in managing and reducing stress and anxiety effectively. Look at it as a modern day equivalent to the ‘fight or flight’ response: the body has primed you for activity – exercising will help you use this energy and reset your stress responses at a manageable level. A balanced and healthy diet will help you combat the effects of stress and anxiety. However, caffeine and nicotine mimic the body’s anxiety response and are best avoided when you’re under real pressure.


  • Eat high-fibre whole foods
  • Lower your intake of sugar, salt and saturated fats
  • Eat little and often to prevent hypoglycaemia (low blood sugar levels) which also trigger the release of adrenalin and heighten the symptoms of stress
  • If you smoke, try to stop. In the short term, smoking may seem to quell your stress, but in the longer term it will magnify the harmful effects of stress on your health
  • Keep alcohol intake to within the safe maximum

Rest and relaxation

One of the most successful ways of dealing with stress is to make time for yourself, learn to relax and enjoy yourself.

  • Consider turning off your mobile phone once in a while, or switching on the answerphone
  • Set some ‘you’ time aside at home at least twice a week. Cook yourself a favourite meal or experiment with a new recipe. Look forward to a particular TV programme or watch a movie. Settle down with a book. Write a chatty letter or send a few e-mails. Relax in a candlelit bath.
  • Consider going to the cinema, theatre, exhibition, art gallery, market or local park. Doing at least one of these each week provides a varied programme of social activities.
  • Go out for a meal or invite friends round for a simple meal and fun company
  • Go for a walk to a part of town you’ve not been to before, perhaps visiting a landmark or tourist attraction
  • If you have a computer, spend some time exploring the internet (having checked out the costs – you don’t want to get stressed over a massive phone bill)
  • Make sure you give yourself a holiday at least once a year, and a weekend break at least twice a year. They don’t have to be expensive.
How to look after your mental health using exercise | Mental Health Foundation

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In a nutshell, mindfulness is about paying more attention to the present, than the past or future.

Its beginnings in Buddhist meditation, mindfulness has become a bit of a thing with a ton of guides, smartphone apps offering guided meditations, and counsellors and therapists keen to introduce you to its ways.

Our brain spends much of the time trying to plan, anticipate, and solve future which can lead to anxiety, stress and panic; eg:

  • an upcoming interview
  • a first date
  • moving home
  • coming out
  • money problems

The brain’s also pretty good at remembering the past. We play these things over and over in our mind which can lead to sadness, grief and depression; eg:

  • a relationship that didn’t end well
  • a painful coming out experience
  • a diagnosis
  • losing someone close to you
  • being bullied

Fixating on the past and/ or the future can add more crap to the real pressures of everyday life and our brains can often do both … all the time … and it can be exhausting!

Mindfulness interrupts this sort of thinking, allowing you to tune into what’s going on now (in the present moment) and not rehash the past, imagine things which haven’t happened yet, and/ or be overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.

It also involves thinking about your thoughts and feelings without judging them—without believing that there’s a “right” or “wrong” way to think or feel in a given moment.

What is mindfulness? | Mind
Mindfulness | NHS
Mindfulness | Wikipedia

All it takes is 10 mindful minutes | Andy Puddicombe | TED | 11 Jan 2013 | 9m 24s

Mindfulness | BBC Radio 4

Should I try mindfulness? | BBC 2
The madness of mindfulness | FT Magazine | 3 Feb 2017
Forget mindfulness, stop trying to find yourself and start faking it | The Guardian | 9 Apr 2016
Mindfulness: does it really live up to the hype? | The Telegraph | 19 Oct 2014

 The Scientific Power of Meditation | AsapSCIENCE | 18 Jan 2015 | 2m 59s

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Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD)

Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental health condition where a person has obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviours. According to Rethink, OCD affects around 1 in 50 people in the UK. Some start having symptoms early, often around puberty, but it usually starts during early adulthood. OCD can be distressing and significantly interfere with your life, but treatment can help you keep it under control.

  • Obsessions are persistent unwanted thoughts, mental images, or urges that generate feelings of anxiety, disgust, or discomfort. They include fear of contamination, obsession with symmetry, and intrusive thoughts about religion, sex, and harm.
  • Compulsions are repeated actions or routines that occur in response to obsessions. They include excessive hand washing, cleaning, counting, ordering, hoarding, neutralising, seeking assurance, and checking things.

If you have OCD, the obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviours (routines and repetitions) will likely affect your day-to-day living and thinking. OCD can make you feel very anxious, although some people describe it as mental discomfort or distress rather than anxiety.

According to the NHS, it’s not clear what causes OCD. A number of different factors may play a part, including:

  • family history – you’re more likely to develop OCD if a family member has it, possibly because of your genes
  • differences in the brain – some people with OCD have areas of unusually high activity in their brain or low levels of a chemical called serotonin
  • life events – OCD may be more common in people who have been bullied, abused or neglected, and it sometimes starts after an important life event, such as childbirth or a bereavement
  • personality – neat, meticulous, methodical people with high personal standards may be more likely to develop OCD, also people who are generally quite anxious or have a very strong sense of responsibility for themselves and others
Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) | NHS
Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) | MIND
Obsessive compulsive disorder | Wikipedia
Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) | Rethink
OCD | Young Minds

OCT Action

What is OCD? | Psych Hub | 4m 49s
Debunking the myths of OCD – Natascha M. Santos | TED-Ed | 4m 50s

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Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a behavioural disorder that includes symptoms such as inattentiveness, hyperactivity and impulsiveness. Symptoms of ADHD tend to be noticed at an early age and may become more noticeable when a child’s circumstances change, such as when they start school.

The symptoms of ADHD usually improve with age, but many adults who were diagnosed with the condition at a young age continue to experience problems. People with ADHD may also have additional problems, such as sleep and anxiety disorders.

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) | NHS
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) | Mental Health Foundation
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder | Wikipedia
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in adults | Royal College of Psychiatrists

ADHD: does medication work? | The Guardian | 3 Jun 2024

ADHD Foundation
Works in partnership with individuals, families, doctors, teachers and other agencies to improving emotional well being, educational attainment, behaviour and life chances through better understanding and self-management of ADHD, ASD and related learning difficulties such as dyslexia, dyspraxia, Irlen’s Syndrome, dyscalculia and Tourette’s Syndrome.
ADHD Foundation

Raises awareness of ADHD in adulthood, advancing the education of professionals and the public at a national and local level in the UK to ensure that all adults with ADHD regardless of age, gender, health, ethnicity, socio-economic status, and religion have fair and equitable access to health, social, employment, and other services as needed, and to promote and support research in the field of adult ADHD.

Focus on children and young adults. Provides information, training and support for parents, sufferers and professionals in the fields of ADHD and related learning and behavioural difficulties. Support a multi-disciplinary assessment and treatment protocol, including education and behavioural interventions, with or without medication.

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Body dysmorphia

BODY DISMORPHIA | MENRUS.CO.UKDefinitions vary a little but, in a nutshell, body dysmorphia (BDD) is an anxiety disorder related to body image where a person spends a lot of time worrying about flaws in their appearance This results in compulsive behaviours, routines and steps to hide, fix, or change it.

A person will focus intensely on their appearance/ body image; eg: checking the mirror repeatedly,  grooming or seeking reassurance, sometimes for hours a day. Their perceived flaw and repetitive behaviours cause distress, impacting on their ability to function in daily life, including work and friends.

A person may work out at the gym obsessively or seek cosmetic procedures to try to ‘correct’ or ‘fix’ what they believe is ‘wrong’. They may feel temporary satisfaction, or a reduction in distress, afterwards but often the anxiety returns and they may resume searching for new and other ways to fix their perceived flaw(s).

Body dysmorphia, muscle dysmorphia, and bigorexia

The terms ‘body dysmorphia’, muscle dysmorphia’ and ‘bigorexia’ are often interchanged but bigorexia is where people feel they have insufficient/ inadequate musculature so need to become bigger or more muscular, regardless of their actual size. Muscle dysmorphia is most common among bodybuilders. Body dysmorphia exists in both gay and straight worlds. 

Body dysmorphia: it’s complicated

There is no disguising that aspects of the gay community hold absurdly high standards as to what stacks up as being attractive, and sexually attractive, or not. It’s also a currency used by the media which perpetuates unrealistic notions as to what men and gay men should look like. It’s changing but at a snail’s pace.

For many, shredded and ripped bods, with junk squeezed into itty bitty swimwear, are unattainable, and many gay men struggle to meet these standards. It can be even more distressing if the implication (or underlying message) is that you won’t find a man or been seen as attractive if you don’t look like this or that.

The reasons why body dysmorphia exists is complicated but, as a starting point, Al Jennings said astutely in his June 2020 article for The Gay UK:

“I’ve never really felt happy with the way I’ve looked. I know that being the size I am is putting me at a disadvantage within the gay community. As gay men, we are obsessed with the way we look, and how we present ourselves to the wider community. Most young gay men’s introduction to sex and relationships is from gay porn. All the models and stars of gay porn are toned, with a great six-pack, we see them going at it like rabbits – for young impressionable people, that is what they see as the norm, so they then feel like they have to have that. They have to have the perfect body, and the perfect sex lives.”

Why gay loneliness and body dysmorphia may be epidemics we may never find a cure for | The Gay UK | 26 Jun 2020

Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) | MIND
Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) | NHS
Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) | Psych Scene Hub 
Body dysmorphic disorder | Wikipedia

Body Image: How we think and feel about our bodies | PDF | Mental Health Foundation | 2019
Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) and muscle dysmorphia particularly in males | PDF |  BDD Foundation

About boys and men | First Steps
iObjectify: self- and other-objectification on Grindr, a geosocial networking application designed for men who have sex with men | Anderson, Joel R, Holland, Elise, Koc, Yasin and Haslam, Nick | University of Sussex | 2018
Eating disorders in males | National Centre for Eating Disorders
 Men struggle with body image too | Lacuna Voices
Body image: a rapid evidence assessment of the literature | Government Equalities Office | 2013


No more Mr Muscle: the activists championing body confidence for men | The Guardian | 25 Oct 2020
Why gay loneliness and body dysmorphia may be epidemics we may never find a cure for | The Gay UK | 26 Jun 2020
What it’s like to have muscle dysmorphia during lockdown | GQ | 18 May 2020
Too many gay men still hate their bodies | VICE | 8 Dec 2017
Men, eating disorders, and why gender matters | Huff Post | 20 Aug 2017
So, men are obsessed with their bodies. Is that so bad? | The Guardian | 31 Jan 2012

Body dysmorphia in the gay community | US | Underdogs Collective | 11 Mar 2020 | 2m 53s
From body dysmorphia to professional nude model | Perk | 5 Oct 2018 | 11m 20s
Gay men and body image | Matthew J. Dempsey | 30 May 2014 | 5m 34s

How gay men compare and despair | Matthew J. Dempsey | 7 Aug 2013 | 4m 33s
Shame and vulnerability | Matthew J. Dempsey | 10 Sep 2013 | 5m 53s
Validation | Matthew J. Dempsey | 24 May 2012 | 5m 53s
5 ways to be a happy homo | Matthew J. Dempsey | 28 Feb 2018 | 6m 06s

Muscle dysmorphia: when you’re never big enough | ABC Science | 19 Nov 2019 | 6m 36s
Bigorexia: never buff enough | BBC Newsbeat | 21 Sep 2015 | 12m 48s

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Books on mental health and wellbeing

LGBT MENTAL HEALTHThere is an ever-growing library of books and other literature about coming out, being gay and/ or being on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum. We can barely scratch the surface here but we have listed a selection of coming out support under YOU:

LGBT books and literature | MEN R US

In terms of mental health, we suggest the article “The Epidemic of Gay Loneliness” by Michael Hobbes if you want to dip your toe in the water. For deeper dives, there’s “Straight Jacket” by  Matthew Todd and “The Velvet Rage” by Alan Downs, while Matthew’s “Pride: The Story of the LGBTQ Equality Movement” provides context: a rich account of the fight for LGBTQ equality, the gradual acceptance of the LGBTQ community in politics, sport, culture and the media and the ongoing challenges facing the community. For a more therapeutic approach to queer mental health, explore the “Queer Mental Health Workbook” by Dr Brendan J Dunlop. Most recently, “Queer Up” by Alex Caught.

The Queer Mental Health Workbook | Dr Brendan J Dunlop

QUEER WORKBOOK“To be queer is to feel different – a felt sense that you don’t fit in. This can be alienating and difficult and lead to mental health challenges and lower wellbeing throughout life. Using a range of therapeutic approaches, this comprehensive, down-to-earth self-help workbook is designed to be your personal mental health resource. It is filled with techniques and activities you can read, tailor and ‘pick and mix’ to improve your wellbeing as a queer person, at your pace.

The workbook is split into two sections – the first part focusses on laying the groundwork by exploring identity, psychological wellbeing, and mental health experiences in order to situate mental health challenges in context and improve overall mental health. The second half hones in on ideas and techniques applicable to specific challenges and situations. It explores difficult topics such as anxiety, low self-esteem, eating disorders, self-harm, suicidal ideation, shame, trauma, substance abuse, sleep, and low mood, all whilst maintaining a focus on your needs as a queer individual.

Empowering and reassuring, and written by an experienced queer mental health practitioner, this one-of-a-kind workbook will help you to flourish as a queer person and begin to overcome any challenge.”

The Queer Mental Health Workbook | Dr Brendan J Dunlop | Jessica Kingsley Publishers | Mar 2022

Straight Jacket  | Matthew Todd

“Written by Matthew Todd, editor of Attitude, the UK’s best-selling gay magazine, Straight Jacket is a revolutionary clarion call for gay men, the wider LGBT community, their friends and family. Part memoir, part ground-breaking polemic, it looks beneath the shiny facade of contemporary gay culture and asks if gay people are as happy as they could be – and if not, why not?

In an attempt to find the answers to this and many other difficult questions, Matthew Todd explores why statistics show a disproportionate number of gay people suffer from mental health problems, including anxiety, depression, addiction, suicidal thoughts and behaviour, and why significant numbers experience difficulty in sustaining meaningful relationships. Bracingly honest, and drawing on his own experience, he breaks the silence surrounding a number of painful issues, explaining:

  • how growing up in the closet can overwhelm the gay child with a deep sense of shame that can leave young people with perilously low self-worth and a powerfully negative body image
  • how many gay men overcompensate for childhood shame by pursuing unobtainable perfection, aspiring to have perfect bodies, boyfriends and lives
  • how gay culture, so often centred around alcohol, drugs, quick sex and even quicker wit, exacerbates the problem, and what we can all do to make things better

Meticulously researched, courageous and life-affirming, Straight Jacket offers invaluable practical advice on how to overcome a range of difficult issues. It also recognizes that this is a watershed moment, a piercing wake-up-call-to-arms for the gay and wider community to acknowledge the importance of supporting all young people – and helping older people to transform their experience and finally get the lives they really want.”

 Straight Jacket | Matthew Todd | Bantum Press | Jun 2016

Queer Up | Alex Caught

QUEER UPIn this empowering and uplifting book, award-winning podcaster Alexis Caught sets out to help queer and questioning teenagers explore their LGBTQ+ identity and understanding. Alongside the author’s personal experiences are first-hand stories from notable LGBTQ+ figures, providing an inclusive account of what it means to grow up queer.

With chapters on questioning, coming out, friends and family, love and relationships, sex, shame, pride, being transgender and/or non-binary and allyship, this helpful, honest and heart-warming book is essential reading for any queer or questioning teen and their allies looking to support them. With chapters on questioning, coming out, friends and family, love and relationships, sex, shame, pride, being transgender and/or non-binary and allyship, this helpful, honest and heart-warming book is essential reading for any queer or questioning teen and their allies looking to support them.

Queer Up | Alexis Caught | Walker Books | Jan 2022

The Epidemic of Gay Loneliness | Michael Hobbes

TOGETHER ALONE“Marriage equality and the changes in legal status were an improvement for some gay men,” says Christopher Stults, a researcher at New York University who studies the differences in mental health between gay and straight men. “But for a lot of other people, it was a letdown. Like, we have this legal status, and yet there’s still something unfulfilled.”

This feeling of emptiness, it turns out, is not just an American phenomenon. In the Netherlands, where gay marriage has been legal since 2001, gay men remain three times more likely to suffer from a mood disorder than straight men, and 10 times more likely to engage in “suicidal self-harm.” In Sweden, which has had civil unions since 1995 and full marriage since 2009, men married to men have triple the suicide rate of men married to women.

All of these unbearable statistics lead to the same conclusion: It is still dangerously alienating to go through life as a man attracted to other men. The good news, though, is that epidemiologists and social scientists are closer than ever to understanding all the reasons why.”

The Epidemic of Gay Loneliness | Michael Hobbes | The Huffington Post | 2 Mar 2017

The Velvet Rage | Alan Downs

VELVET RAGEToday’s gay man enjoys unprecedented, hard-won social acceptance. Despite this victory, however, serious problems still exist. Substance abuse, depression, suicide, and sex addiction among gay men are at an all-time high, causing many to ask, “Are we really better off?” Drawing on contemporary research, psychologist Alan Downs’s own struggle with shame and anger, and stories from his patients,

“The Velvet Rage passionately describes the stages of a gay man’s journey out of shame and offers practical and inspired strategies to stop the cycle of avoidance and self-defeating behaviour. Updated to reflect the effects of the many recent social, cultural, and political changes, The Velvet Rage is an empowering book that has already changed the public discourse on gay culture and helped shape the identity of an entire generation of gay men.”

The Velvet Rage | Alan Downs | Da Capo Press | 2012

Pride: The Story of the LGBTQ Equality Movement | Matthew Todd

PRIDE“In June 1969, police raided New York gay bar the Stonewall Inn. Pride charts the events of that night, the days and nights of rioting that followed, the ensuing organization of local members of the community – and the 50 years since in which activists and ordinary people have dedicated their lives to reversing the global position.

“Pride documents the milestones in the fight for LGBTQ equality, from the victories of early activists to the passing of legislation barring discrimination and the gradual acceptance of the LGBTQ community in politics, sport, culture and the media. Rare images and documents cover the seminal moments, events and breakthroughs of the movement, while personal testimonies share the voices of key figures on a broad range of topics. Pride is a unique celebration of LGBTQ culture, an account of the ongoing challenges facing the community, and a testament to the equal rights that have been won for many as a result of the passion and determination of this mass movement. A fully updated edition of Matthew Todd’s essential 2019 book, Pride is a celebration and a clarion call.”

Pride: The Story of the LGBTQ Equality Movement | Matthew Todd | Welbeck Publishing Group | 2019/ 21


Click here for titles
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LGBT+ mental health news articles and reports

News articles

Patients turning to A&E as wait times for NHS mental health treatment spiral | The Guardian | 10 Oct 2022

LGBT+ young people disproportionately experience depression, anxiety and panic attacks | ITV News | 25 Apr 2021
Will Young on prep school, PTSD and psychotherapy: ‘Shame doesn’t help anything’ | The Guardian | 26 Apr 2021

Lockdown, quarantine and self-isolation: how different COVID restrictions affect our mental health | The Conversation | 20 Jan 2021
How to help someone you live with who has depression | The Conversation | 3 Jul 2020
Mental Health Awareness: Keeping your screen time healthy | BBC News | 20 May 2020
Coping with anxiety, trauma and dissociation during lockdown | Metro Charity | 18 May 2020

The gay community’s obsession with status and looks has huge mental health costs | Them | US | 7 Apr 2020

 Pressure to keep up: status imbalance a major factor in stress in gay men | The Guardian | 29 Feb 2020
When Tugay realised he was gay, he tried to erase his sexuality with an extreme form of his religion | BBC 3 | 1 May 2019
Mental health care responses are failing LGBT people – some ideas… | Mental Health Today | 23 Aug 2018
‘I can’t be myself’: elderly LGBT people face isolation and stigma in care homes and hospitals | Huff Post | 21 Jul 2018
Why young LGBT people need alcohol-free safe spaces | BBC News | 28 Jun 2018
Why London’s LGBT communities need their own base more than ever | The Guardian | 21 Jun 2018
We need to talk about how Grindr is affecting gay men’s mental health | Vox | 4 Apr 2018
Adverts for LGBT mental health service ‘crass and exploitative’ | Pink News | 16 Feb 2018
Time to talk 2018: What it’s like to deal with mental health issues when you’re LGBT, and how to find the help you need | Pink News | 1 Feb 2018
How to cope when you’re gay and lonely | GQ | 10 Jan 2018

World Health Organisation definition of mental health

According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), mental health is “a state of well-being in which the individual realizes his or her own abilities can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community”. WHO stresses that mental health “is not just the absence of mental disorder”.

LGBT people are prone to mental illness | The Guardian | 12 May 2017


London Assembly Health Committee LGBT+ Mental Health, 2017

The London Assembly Health Committee has published its findings and recommendations to the Mayor of London on how he can provide better mental health support for LGBT+ people. The report says

  • Up to one in ten Londoners (over 800,000 people) identifies as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and/or other definitions of sexual orientation or gender identity
  • Around 40 per cent of LGBT+ people experience a mental health issue, compared to 25 per cent of the wider population
  • LGBT+ people are often overlooked when health commissioning decisions are made because of a lack of data and poor consultation.
    Generic mental health services are not meeting the current needs of LGBT+ people
  • Without specialist support LGBT+ people will continue to experience mental health inequality, stigma and discrimination
 LGBT+ mental health | London Assembly Health Committee | 1 Feb 2017

Through the Rainbow Lens | Kings College London | 11 Apr 2017 | 32m 53
In the summer of 2016 members of the LGBT+ community at King’s College London came together with researchers, service providers, film makers, and diversity and inclusion specialists, with the aims of exploring mental health issues affecting the LGBT+ community. This film is the result.

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Relaxation short films (experimental)

“Life”, “Flow”, “Circle” and Explore” are experimental short films, made by MEN R US volunteers. As we are keen on saying when it comes to making films “Not everything has to go somewhere, not everything has to have a big message. We’re just a bunch of queer, poz, and gay men who write, make films, tell stories, and do stuff.”

You can find more of what we do at Three Flying Piglets one of our other projects at the Gay Men’s Health Collective. Enjoy!

LIFE | 2022 | 10m 0s
Experimental relaxation short.

FLOW | 2022 | 6m 45s
Experimental relaxation short.

CIRCLE | 2022 | 4m 22s
Experimental relaxation short.

EXPLORE | 2022 | 4m 42s
Experimental relaxation short.

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Your GP and Dentist

Your GP and dentist

COMING OUTPrimary care services provide the first point of contact in the healthcare system, acting as the ‘front door’ of the NHS. It includes your GP (or doctor), so get registered! You never know when you may need them. A friendly, understanding doctor (GP) or dentist can be hard to find, but they are vital parts of maintaining our health. Of course, when we’re younger, we like to think of ourselves as invincible but finding one urgently can be hard if you’re not registered.

Finding your NHS number, and a doctor (GP) or dentist

What is an NHS number? | NHS
Find your NHS number | NHS
Benefits of using the NHS Number | NHS

Find a GP | NHS
Find a Dentist | NHS

Ask questions

Even in the 21st century, responses from GPs and dentists that you are gay can be positive and negative but less negative these days. You may wish to consider telling them about your sexuality once you feel you can trust them, though, in the meantime, this may affect the treatment you receive.

If you’re looking to register consider phoning up anonymously first to:

  • find out if the ‘vibe’ feels right
  • find out if they are ‘gay-friendly’
  • gauge what they have to say

This may seem a little direct but it’s kind of the point. Listen to what they have to say. You will most likely get the “all the NHS staff are professional” response but go with your gut feeling and don’t be afraid to ask questions. You will most likely speak to a receptionist, but if you would like someone more senior, you can ask to speak to the practice manager.

HIV and LGBT+ organisations
If you don’t know where to start, contacting a local HIV or LGBT+ organisation can be a good place to start. While they may not be able to help you directly, they usually know what’s going on in the area and can signpost accordingly.

Chemsex and your GP
It’s understandable why you might feel your GP won’t have the knowledge and expertise they need, but they should be able to be supportive and/ or signpost you to someone who can. This might include a drug or counselling service though these are unlikely to be gay-specific. GPs are also the ‘gateway’ to local health services so developing a relationship with your GP is potentially very helpful.

Disclosing your sexuality
Disclosing your sexuality to your GP or dentist may mean that it is recorded on your medical notes. Medical records can be accessed by a range of organisations, including life insurers, which can raise the whole question of HIV and testing. However, bottom line, we do recommend that you do register with a GP … never know when you might need one!

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NHS 111

NHS 111 aims to make it easier and quicker for patients to get the right advice or treatment they need, be that for their physical or mental health.

You can go online or call 111 for free from a landline or mobile phone. Open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

NHS 111 (aged 5 and over only)

NHS 111 | Wikipedia

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Complementary therapies

Complementary therapies

Stress and RelaxationComplementary and alternative and therapies can help to overcome stress and encourage relaxation. These include massage, acupuncture, herbal medicine, homoeopathy, yoga, reflexology, aromatherapy. Alternative therapies (eg: herbal medicine and homoeopathy) work in place of conventional diagnosis and treatment from your GP, whereas a complementary therapy (eg: reflexology and tai chi hu’an) works alongside this.

Alternative and complementary therapies have grown immensely in recent decades both in popularity and use. Complementary therapies aim to treat the individual as a whole person (holistically) to mobilise the body’s own defences. Many therapies use the idea of a ‘lifeforce’ and that health and contentment depend on achieving a harmonious balance of our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual natures.

Points to consider

  • Personal recommendation or word of mouth is a good way to find a practitioner
  • Check the practitioner is a member of the appropriate regulatory body or a professional association where no regulation exists
  • Therapists should be willing to provide a scale of fees
  • Therapists are unlikely to begin treatment without first building up a picture of you as an individual. Amongst other things, you are likely to be asked about your health, lifestyle and existing medications.
  • Therapists should be able to let you know how long it will be before you will see an improvement to your condition or problem
  • Session lengths will vary so give yourself plenty of time
  • Medicines will often originate from a natural plant, herb, oil or mineral, many of which will be available from pharmacies and health stores
  • Orthodox (traditional) drugs and complementary therapies can interact or interfere with each other. Make sure you keep your doctor and complementary therapy practitioner informed.
  • If you have any questions, eg: you’re uncertain which remedy to take, talk to a qualified practitioner
  • If you have an adverse reaction to your treatment, stop taking it immediately and seek advice
  • If in doubt: don’t
Complementary and alternative medicine | NHS
All about complementary and alternative medicine | NHS
Complementary and alternative therapy | MIND

The Aromatherapy Council | The Aromatherapy Council 
British Acupuncture Council | British Acupuncture Council 
British Chiropractic Association | British Chiropractic Association
British Holistic Medical Association | British Holistic Medical Association
British Homeopathic Association | http://www.britishhomeopathic.org
British Reflexology Association | British Reflexology Association
British Wheel of Yoga | British Wheel of Yoga
Complementary and Natural Healthcare Council | Complementary and Natural Healthcare Council
Federation of Holistic Therapies | Federation of Holistic Therapies
General Osteopathic Council | General Osteopathic Council
Society of Teachers of the Alexander Technique | Society of Teachers of the Alexander Technique
The Shiatsu Society | The Shiatsu Society

Traditional medicines must be integrated into health care for culturally diverse groups | The Conversation | 30 May 2019

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Acupuncture revitalises the body by rebalancing the body’s flow of energy by stimulating the body’s ‘acupoints’ with fine needles. Factors believed to disturb the flow include a poor diet, hereditary factors, infections, injuries, stress, emotional upset and the weather.

Health problems that can respond well to acupuncture include painful arthritis, headaches, migraines, and neuralgia. Acupuncture can also help healing after fractures and sports injuries and can alleviate depression and anxiety, drug addiction, allergies, sinusitis and conditions aggravated by stress. It can also assist people who feel run-down but do not have any apparent physical illness or disease.

Working on the same principle as acupuncture, acupressure provides an alternative for people who don’t like needles. The other advantage of acupressure is that you can learn to use it on yourself to treat minor ailments such as tiredness, constipation, headaches and colds. However, it is less precise than acupuncture and therefore results are usually slower.

Acupuncture | Wikipedia
Acupuncture | NHS

Acupuncture | Cancer Research UK
Acupuncture | British Medical Acupuncture Society
Acupuncture | The Acupuncture Society

Does acupuncture even work? | Seeker | 25 Aug 2016 | 3m 59s

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The use of essential oils started as long ago as 2000 BC, but it wasn’t until the 1920s that the scientific study of their therapeutic properties and the term ‘aromatherapy’ came into being.

Aromatherapy works primarily through the sense of smell that’s closely linked with mood, memory and emotions. It is recognised for its ability to lift the spirits and relieve stress and can also be used to ease pain and tension caused by tight and overworked muscles. In addition to the therapeutic effect of the fragrance, some essential oils are also believed to have healing properties.

Aromatherapy | Wikipedia

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Herbal medicine

Healing with herbs is one of the oldest therapies in the world and aims to restore the body to a state in which it is better able to heal itself. Herbal medicine can promote health by correcting imbalances within the body and encouraging your body to work as efficiently as possible. Treatments are likely to include recommendations about changing diet and lifestyle and reducing the amount of stress in your life.

Herbalism | Wikipedia
Herbal medicines | NHS


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The principle of homeopathy is that ‘like cures like’ and that if a substance triggers symptoms similar to those from which a patient is suffering, then a small dose of that same substance will encourage the patient’s body to fight the illness or disease.

Homeopathic remedies are derived from plants, minerals, metals, insects and recognised poisons, many of which have been used medicinally for generations. Homeopathy is believed to be suitable for many health complaints including depression and chronic conditions such as arthritis and post-viral fatigue syndrome.

Homeopathy | Wikipedia
Homeopathy | NHS
Homeopathy | British Homeopathic Association

Homeopathy explained: gentle Healing or reckless fraud? | Kurzgesagt: In a Nutshell | 22 Feb 2018 | 8m 31s
What is homeopathy and is it real science? | Seeker | 18 Jul 2015 | 3m 48s

There is no scientific case for homeopathy | The Guardian 12 Mar 2015

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The aim of meditation is to revitalise the mind by resting it from continuously processing information and responding to the world around us. Meditation can improve your well-being, encourage more positive thoughts and feelings, lift self-esteem and help you to develop a more tolerant and stable attitude towards life.

Research shows that people with stress-related conditions can derive great benefits from practising meditation. There are many ways to meditate; most involve sitting comfortably in a peaceful place and breathing rhythmically while focusing on a single thought or object. There are many groups where you can learn these skills; some are associated with religion others are secular.

Meditation | Wkipedia

The Scientific Power of Meditation | AsapSCIENCE | 18 Jan 2015 | 2m 59s

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Massage is probably the best known alternative therapy, possibly evolving out of our instinctive response to soothe aches and pains by rubbing the affected area. Massage is highly enjoyable and it can be very helpful in dealing with the physical and mental stress that life imposes on you.

Massage can relax and tone the muscles, improve the flow of blood through the body, and encourage the removal of waste products and toxins. It can also reduce stress and increase your body awareness so that you begin to notice areas where you store tension.

Massage | Wikipedia

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Osteopathy is recognised by many conventional doctors and is one of the more accepted complementary therapies. Osteopaths work on the muscles, joints and bones using massage and manipulation to improve the health of the whole body.

By using manipulation to balance the tensions in the body structure and improving the functioning of the framework, it is thought to boost the health of the whole body. Conditions such as back disorders, slipped discs, neck pain and chronic muscular tension can benefit.

Osteopathy | Wikipedia
Osteopathy | NHS
General Osteopathic Council | General Osteopathic Council
Institute of Osteopathy | Institute of Osteopathy

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Reflexology works on the theory that health depends on the flow of energy within the body that begins and ends in the hands and feet. Medical conditions upset this flow. Reflexologists interpret the health and condition of the body and – by massaging certain reflex points – believe that it is possible to improve the health of body organs.

Stress is thought to respond well to reflexology, which may be helpful in relieving tension, improving circulation, ridding the body of wastes, and re-balancing the body.

Reflexology | Wikipedia
Reflexology | British Reflexology Association

What is Reflexology? | Association of Reflexologists | 29 Oct 2013 | 2m 30s

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Shiatsu literally means ‘finger pressure’ although therapists also use the palms and heels of their hands, their elbows and knees. Although Shiatsu cannot cure diseases, the symptoms of stress and stress-related conditions seem to respond to this therapy.

People with asthma, muscular aches and pains, tension headaches, migraine, depression, insomnia and digestive problems can benefit. Shiatsu is believed to help in tuning a person’s general health and keeping the immune system at its best, making it a largely preventive therapy.

 Shiatsu | Wikipedia
 Shiatsu | The Shiatsu Society (UK)

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Tai chi

Tai chi (as it’s usually referred to in the West) is an ancient Chinese exercise system. It involves sequences of slow, individual movements, each with a symbolic meaning and name, which seek the natural harmony that surrounds and is in each person.

As well as helping you to remain physically strong and supple, it can also centre the mind, putting it in touch with the body and encouraging a state of calm. Ideally you should learn from a teacher, but it is important to practise regularly, setting aside a specific time and place, preferably outside.

Tai chi | Wikipedia
A guide to tai chi | NHS

Tai chi health benefits? What the research says | The Conversation | 14 Feb 2020

Tai Chi for Beginners: Lesson 1 Basic Training | 21 Aug 2018 | 8m 42s

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Combining physical postures, breath control and relaxation, yoga provides a comprehensive workout for the mind and body. While some practise yoga as a way of working towards the ultimate goal of spiritual realisation, it is perfectly possible to do it simply as a means for relieving stress or improving overall health, with no special knowledge of the philosophy that lies behind it.

The enormous advantage of yoga is that it can be safely undertaken by almost anyone, even those who are unfit or overweight. Yoga postures move all the major joints through a full range of motion, reducing stiffness and stretching and toning almost every muscle and tendon in the body. In the first instance, it is much better to go to a yoga class run by a properly qualified teacher than to attempt to learn yoga out of books.

Yoga | Wikipedia
A guide to yoga | NHS
Yoga | British Wheel of Yoga

Gay men’s yoga groups in London | Get Out and Active | MEN R US
Yoga isn’t timeless: it’s changing to meet contemporary needs | The Conversation | 19 Jun 2019
How you can manage coronavirus anxiety with yoga | the minded institute

Yoga for complete beginners | Breathe and Flow | 28 Dec 2019 | 22m

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Death and dying, bereavement and grief

Death and dying

DEATH AND DYINGPerhaps it’s not surprising that MEN R US volunteers have talked about including a section on death and dying for years but never got round to it. Classic avoidance. Though we feel out of our depth, the COVID-19 pandemic has spurred us into action.

MEN R US has volunteers across the age spectrum. Those in their 60s remember the immeasurable loss of friends, boyfriends, partners during the HIV and AIDS epidemic while – at the other end of the spectrum – volunteers in their 20s whose closest experience death has been their 90-year old Nan dying, or something they’ve seen on TV. We are not trying to draw comparisons, but our lived experiences are very different and writing this section has been as difficult as it has been challenging.

What is death?

From a biological standpoint:

  • “The cessation of all biological functions that sustain a living organism.”
  • “The total and permanent cessation of all the vital functions of an organism.”
  • “The act of passing away, the end of life, or the permanent destruction of something.”
  • “Irreversible cessation of all integrated functioning of the human organism as a whole, mental or physical.”

More importantly, though, death may mean something different for you if you have a belief, or are a person of faith, or have a religion.

Faith and religion | MEN R US

Death is a certain

Despite its certainty, death is one of the least discussed parts of our lives. Furthermore, we’ll take an educated guess that many of us would struggle to know how to start a conversation about death and dying. Why is this?

  • Traditionally, Western culture keeps death at a nice, safe distance
  • Out of sight out of mind, it’s something best left to hospitals and funeral directors
  • We live in a culture of avoidance where we are conditioned to live (busy busy busy) not die
  • It’s unsettling to talk about mortality, a fear of the unknown, so best not to tempt fate
  • Death can prompt us to reflect on what we haven’t done or accomplished in life
  • We can be embarrassed by asking friends and/ or family to handle matters after our death
  • The lack of (advance) planning can split families when making difficult decisions, especially if they are not accepting of homosexuality

The awkwardness, embarrassment and fear that death generates means we tend to avoid these essential conversations when we are well and healthy but also those people in our lives who are ageing, ill, dying or grieving.

Not talking about this stuff denies them (and us) the support and comfort needed when they need it most. It also undermines our capacity as friends, mates, boyfriends and partners to relate to those around us, shutting down our more compassionate and empathetic selves. It can also stir up and intensify feelings of isolation, regret and guilt for all concerned. Bottom line: this doesn’t make us good friends.

Death do not always the result from natural causes. There is suicide, accidents, and murder to consider, which can place an intolerable weight on those left behind.

More recently, the trail of devastation chemsex can leave in its wake; and suicide among LGBT+ people which are disproportionately higher when compared to our heterosexual counterparts.

This is adult stuff and, ideally, we should be kind, available, and talk openly about death, particularly with those who need us. We do ourselves, and those who matter most in our lives, no favours by keeping death do distant for so much of lives, or until illness or tragedy strikes.

Death and dying and being LGBT+

You would think this was enough but death also throws up additional issues if you are LGBT+

  • You may experience discrimination: making legal arrangements, planning a funeral, or going head-to-head with family
  • Complexities and tension if you or your partner are a person of faith or religion
  • There can be assumptions about you or your partner’s identity
  • Support can be variable, with little support during grief and bereavement
  • There is often an emotional toll on boyfriends, partners, husbands and carers left behind

LGBT+ publications

We have been pleased, if a little surprised, to find a number of LGBT+ publications that specifically deal with treatment and care, dying and death, and planning:

Making informed choices when planning a funeral: a guide for queer people | The Good Grief Trust | Jun 2019
Hiding who I am: the reality of the end of life care for LGBT people | Marie Curie
Fears about death and bereavement | NHS Education for Scotland
Queer funeral guide | The Good Grief Trust | Jun 2019
Lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender people | Care Quality Commission
 The Last Outing: exploring end of life experiences and care needs in the lives of older LGBT people | University of Nottingham | Marie Curie | 2012-14
National End of Life Care Programme | June 2012
 The route to success in end of life care – achieving quality for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people | NHS | Macmillan | Jun 2012


Welcome to the SunLife Cost of Dying Report 2024 | SunLife | Jan 2024
Poor communication, discrimination and lack of training: why LGBT people may face inequalities in palliative care | The Conversation | 21 May 2021
The AIDS epidemic’s lasting impact on gay men | The British Academy | 19 Feb 2018
We need to talk about death | Psychology Today | 9 Mar 2017
Era of the death sentence: our AIDS legacy | HuffPost | 6 Jan 2017
‘Archives of Feeling’: the AIDS Crisis in Britain 1987 | Matt Cook | History Workshop Journal | Vol. 83, Issue 1 | 2017
Body or soul: why we don’t talk about death and dying | The Conversation | 24 Nov 2011

“In my experience teenagers read about death and violence because they are fascinated by death and violence and as a society, we shy away from talking about it. When we talk about death – we talk it about it in a historical sense. We discuss the second world war and the tragic waste of human life, or we teach about the death beliefs of the Egyptians, but we don’t tell them what it was like when their grandfather passed away in a hospice, or what it was like when the boy from our class at school was killed by a truck while motorcycle riding. We don’t tell them what we think might happen after we die, we don’t tell them how we feel about it. We treat death like a terrible contagion. Almost as though we are risking the lives of our young if we talk about it – and I mean really talk about it – with them. It’s one of the few things that every single one of us face, and we often ignore it.”

Young people are dying to talk about death | Lynnette Lounsbury | The Guardian | 8 Jun 2014

The five stages of grief

“Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. Everyone knows the theory that when we grieve we go through a number of stages – it turns up everywhere from palliative care units to boardrooms. A viral article told us we’d experience them during the coronavirus pandemic. But do we all grieve in the same way?”
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: The rise and fall of the five stages of grief | BBC | 3 Jul 2020

Kübler-Ross model | Wikipedia

Five picture books to help parents talk to children under seven about death | The Conversation | 24 Mar 2021
Giraffe demonstrates stages of grief | Dr Red Shoe | 11 Jan 2014 | 1m 42s

Body Donation
Diversity Role Models
Down To Earth (assistance with funeral costs)
Death and the LGBT Community: when culture is not defined by country | Death Cafe
Talking about death and dying | Dying Matters
The art of dying well | The Art of Dying Well
Bury your gays | TV Tropes
This trope is the presentation of deaths of LGBT characters where these characters are nominally able to be viewed as more expendable than their heteronormative counterparts. In aggregate, queer characters are more likely to die than straight characters. Indeed, it may be because they seem to have less purpose compared to straight characters, or that the supposed natural conclusion of their story is an early death.

What happens when you die? | AsapSCIENCE | 2 Mar 2016 | 3m 11s

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Bereavement and grief

BEREAVEMENT AND GRIEFBereavement is the loss of someone close to you while grief is the response to bereavement. The loss may be a boyfriend, partner, husband,  pet, or family member. However, mourning the loss of an LGBT+ partner can carry additional burdens:

  • if there is little family or community support
  • if family and friends have not approved or been supportive of the relationship
  • if the relationship is secret

However, there are other types of loss such as the end of a job, a home, or a relationship. Some of the most common responses include1:

  • Feeling overwhelmed, sadness and/ or depression
  • Shock, numbness, denial and/ or disbelief
  • Panic and/ or confusion
  • Anger, guilt and/ or hostility
  • Tearfulness and/ or crying
  • Tiredness and/ or exhaustion
  • Loss of appetite
  • Mixed feelings and/ or relief

These feelings may not be there all the time and/ or may come on or disappear unexpectedly. There’s no right or wrong way to feel and grieving is a process (a journey) not a task to tick off. For some, grief may last for several years, for others, it may last for the rest of their life.

Bereavement and grief

Bereavement and grief | MIND
Coronavirus, bereavement and grief | Cruse
 Compassion in Dying
About grief | Cruse
Grief after bereavement or loss | NHS
Grief | Wikipedia
Support around death | NHS Scotland
Helpful contacts | Beravement Advice Centre


0300 330 0630 | Switchboard+
0808 808 1677 | Cruse
116 123 | Samaritans

Helplines | MEN R US


Mental health matters | MEN R US
Faith and religion | MEN R US
HIV and AIDS History | MEN R US


The Phases of Grief: Understanding Bereavement | The Loss Foundation UK | 21 Jul 2017 | 4m 37s
How to Deal With Loss or Grief of Love Ones | psych2go | 20 Dec 2019 | 5m 11s

1 Adapted from NHS and MIND

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Greater London Services Map

Greater London Services Map

GREATER LONDON SERVICESThis map includes the following services with hyperlinks (to others parts of the website). 

* 56 Dean Street and Antidote that provide chemsex support are London-wide.

Accident and Emergency Services (A&E) listed by London Borough
Not all Boroughs have A&E Departments because this is not how they have been planned and/ or evolved.

Barnet Hospital | Wellhouse Lane, Barnet, Hertfordshire, EN5 3DJ | Map
020 8216 4600 (Switchboard)

Northwick Park Hospital | Watford Road, Harrow, Middlesex, HA1 3UJ | Map
020 8864 3232 (Switchboard)

Princess Royal University Hospital | Farnborough Common, Orpington, Kent, BR6 8ND | Map
01689 863000 (Switchboard)

Royal Free Hospital | Pond Street, Hampstead, London NW3 2GQ | Map
020 7794 0500 (Switchboard)

University College London Hospital | 235 Euston Road, Euston, London NW1 2BU | Map
020 3456 7890 (Switchboard)

Chelsea & Westminster Hospital | 369 Fulham Road, London SW10 9NH | Map
020 3315 8000 (Switchboard)

Croydon University Hospital | 530 London Road, Thornton Heath, Surrey, CR7 7YE | Map
020 8401 3000 (Switchboard)

Ealing Hospital | Uxbridge Road, Southall, Middlesex, UB1 3HW | Map
020 8967 5000 (Switchboard)

North Middlesex University Hospital | Sterling Way, London, N18 1QX | Map
020 8887 2000 (Switchboard)

Queen Elizabeth Hospital | Stadium Road, London, SE18 4QH | Map
020 8836 6000 (Switchboard)

Homerton University Hospital | Homerton Row, Homerton, London E9 6SR | Map
020 8510 5555 (Switchboard)

Charing Cross Hospital | Fulham Palace Road, London, W6 8RF | Map
020 3311 1234 (Switchboard)

Queen’s Hospital | Rom Valley Way, Romford, Essex, RM7 0AG | Map
0330 400 4333 (Switchboard)

Hillingdon Hospital | Pield Heath Road, Uxbridge, Middlesex, UB8 3NN | Map
01895 238282 (Switchboard)

West Middlesex University Hospital | Twickenham Road, Isleworth, Middlesex, TW7 6AF | Map
020 8560 2121 (Switchboard)

Whittington Hospital | Magdala Avenue, Highgate Hill, Archway, London N19 5NF | Map
020 7272 3070 (Switchboard)

Kingston Hospital | Galsworthy Road, Kingston Upon Thames, Surrey, KT2 7QB | Map
020 8546 7711 (Switchboard)

St Thomas’ Hospital | Lambeth Palace Road, London SE1 7EH | Map
020 7188 7188 (Switchboard)

King’s College Hospital | Denmark Hill, London SE5 9RS | Map
020 3299 9000 (Switchboard)

University Hospital Lewisham | Lewisham High Street, London, SE13 6LH | Map
020 8333 3000 (Switchboard)

Newham Hospital | 68 Glen Road, Plaistow, London E13 8SL | Map
020 7476 4000 (Switchboard)

Tower Hamlets
The Royal London Hospital | Whitechapel Road, Whitechapel, London E1 1BB | Map
020 7377 7000 (Switchboard)

King George Hospital | Barley Lane, Ilford, Essex, IG3 8YB | Map
0330 400 4333 (Switchboard)

Waltham Forest
Whipps Cross Hospital | Whipps Cross Road, London E11 1NR | Map
020 8539 5522 (Switchboard)

St George’s Hospital | Blackshaw Road, London, Greater London, SW17 0QT | Map
020 8672 1255 (Switchboard)

St Mary’s Hospital | Praed Street, London W2 1NY | Map
020 3312 6666 (Switchboard)

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First published in Spring 2020

Initially putting our COVID-19 information under this chapter in April, much of the content was integrated into the rest of the website by June. However, we continue to update information, with a focus on mental health, well-being, and support. It’s now Winter 2020 but this is what we said in April:

“Just about everybody who can has weighed in on COVID-19 so we see little point adding more of the same. Instead, we have scoured the Internet, penned a few words, to bring you our take.

It’s struggle enough getting through COVID-19 and lockdown without feeling pressured to be a better version of yourself by the end of it. That’s not to say you shouldn’t or can’t but the life-coaches and lockdown-motivators are everywhere – beating their drums – and it can be overwhelming.

Getting through this is tough but it’s not a contest. You don’t have to learn 5 languages, reinvent yourself or build a functioning gym in the cat’s litter tray. Some of us live in a room, don’t have gardens or have a Youtube channel to share every waking breath of home quarantine. Keep it real, set the bar low, and have a wank.”

Not everybody needs help and support

Not everybody needs help and support but if you do we hope there’s something here for you.

Your mental health | MEN R US
Keeping a routine | MEN R US
Sex and drugs | MEN R US
HIV and COVID-19 connections | MEN R US

Helplines | MEN R US
Organisations | MEN R US
Searching for services | MEN R US
A smörgåsbord of stuff to do | MEN R US
Letting out our inner geek | MEN R US

COVID-19 basics | MEN R US
Social distancing and washing hands | MEN R US
Easing the UK COVID-19 lockdown | MEN R US
Information and advice | MEN R US
Trackers and statistics | MEN R US
Symptom study app | MEN R US

The bit at the bottom | MEN R US

Contact us if you can’t find a service and we will signpost you the best we can.

Covid: UK’s early response worst public health failure ever, MPs say | BBC News | 13 Oct 2021

MEN R US Volunteer’s Video Choice Award Check out Emerson’s awesome Jock Strap Mask tutorial which kinda sums up how we’re feeling at the moment.

Jock Strap Mask Tutorial | Emerson Collins | Apr 2020 | 57s

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COVID-19 lockdowns, tiers and guidance

At MEN R US, we’re finding it an ongoing battle keeping up with COVID-19. Lockdowns, tiers and social distancing guidance continue to be muddled with politicians and public health officials seemingly at odds, more often than not. So, we continue to social distance when/ wherever we are, wear masks when out and about, and work from home. Not everybody can and we are fortunate we can do this.

As we creep into 2021, this is what matters to us (something we wrote in April 2020)

  • the COVID-19 reproduction or ‘R’ number
  • the take-up of COVID-19 tracker apps
  • the COVID-19 testing programme (for all)
  • the development and distribution of an effective vaccine
  • the supply and distribution of functioning Personal Protective Equipment (PPE)
  • the health, well-being and welfare of NHS staff
  • the government to get a grip

and as we move into Spring

  • the COVID-19 infection rates
  • the prevalence of new Coronavirus variants
  • tte ‘R’ rate number
  • the number of people in hospital
  • the impact/ success of the vaccination programme
  • the number of deaths

As for the rest: we need a lie-down!*

Coronavirus R0: What is the R number and why does it matter? | BBC News | 2 May | 1m 37s
Lockdown mental fatigue rapidly reversed by social contact, study finds | 6 Apr 2021
When Will Lockdown End? It Depends On These 6 Things | HuffPost | 17 Feb 2021
Pandemics throughout history: what can we learn? | The Boar | University of Warwick | 17 Jun 2020
Is the K number the new R number? What you need to know | The Conversation | 16 Jun 2020

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Information and advice

CORONAVIRUS - HEALTH INFORMATIONYou’ve probably got your favourite sources of information but here’s our selection:

News media, articles and views
Coronavirus (COVID-19) | BBC
Coronavirus (COVID-19) | The Guardian
Coronavirus (COVID-19) | HuffPost UK

Coronavirus (COVID-19) | The Standard
Coronavirus (COVID-19) | The Sun
Coronavirus (COVID-19) | Financial Times
Coronavirus (COVID-19) | Aljazeera

Mayor of London and London Assembly
The Mayor of London and the London Assembly have created a COVID-19 update and guidance hub. Contents include a newsfeed, NHS guidance, frequently asked questions (FAQs), well-being, social distancing rules, and coping with grief, and a section where you can read about COVID-19 in community languages.
Coronavirus updates and guidance | Mayor of London

Government and statutory
Coronavirus (COVID-19) What you need to do | GOV.UK
Northern Ireland | Northern Ireland Executive
Scotland | Scottish Government
Wales | Welsh Government
Ireland | Irish Government

Coronavirus (COVID-19) Advice for everyone | National Health Service (NHS)
Coronavirus (COVID-19) | Public Health England (PHE)

COVID-19 Mutual Aid UK
Network of local mutual aid groups supporting communities.

COVID-19 vaccines

Coronavirus vaccine | NHS
COVID-19 vaccination programme  | GOV.UK
Coronavirus pandemic (inc. vaccine news)  | BBC News
Articles on COVID-19 vaccine | The Conversation
COVID-19 Vaccines | World Health Organisation (WHO)
How can Covid-19 vaccine development be done quickly and safely? | Johns Hopkins University


Vaccine | Wikipedia
Vaccines and immunization | World Health Organisation (WHO)
Immunisation | GOV.UK

The Coronavirus vaccine explained |  AsapSCIENCE | 10m 38s

Combatting misinformation and gaining a better understanding 

Full Fact: Fact Checker
A registered charity, Full Fact says it doesn’t take sides in any debate and don’t support any political party or campaign. It has been quoted by politicians on all sides and corrected people on all sides. It has a cross-party Board of Trustees and safeguards in place at every level of our organisation to ensure its neutrality. “Fact checks alone are not enough to halt the spread of misinformation. We push for corrections where necessary and work with government departments and research institutions to improve the quality and communication of information at the source. We also provide a fact-checking toolkit to give people the tools they need to make up their own minds.”
Facts on Coronavirus | Full Fact (UK’s independent fact-checking charity)

The Conversation
Independent source of news and views sourced from the academic and research community and delivered directly to the public. Its team of professional editors work with university and research institute experts to unlock their knowledge for use by the wider public. Access to independent, high quality, authenticated, explanatory journalism underpins a functioning democracy. Its aim is to allow for better understanding of current affairs and complex issues, and hopefully allow for a better quality of public discourse and conversations.
The Conversation UK | The Conversation

Coronavirus (COVID-19) world perspectives

Coronavirus pandemic | BBC News
Coronavirus | World Health Organisation (WHO)
2019–20 coronavirus pandemic | Wikipedia

Films about COVID-19

A cold, flu or coronavirus – which one do I have? | BBC News | 17 Sep 2020 | 1m 51s
Coronavirus disease (COVID-19) | World Health Organisation (WHO) | 15 June 2020 | 5m 17s
What actually happens if you get coronavirus? | AsapSCIENCE | 30 Jan 2020 | 8m 38s

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Your mental health and COVID-19

MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS - IN TIMES OF COVID | MENRUS.CO.UKThis section first appeared under our COVID-19 chapter in April 2020, together with other sections which we have now integrated into the rest of the website.

Stating the obvious here, Coronavirus (COVID-19) has changed our lives for the foreseeable future.

This will affect everybody in different ways whether you’re feeling stressed, anxious, horny, bored, sad, lonely, or frustrated … or maybe something else.

It’s important to remember it’s OK to feel the way you do. The situation is temporary, and for most of us, these difficult feelings will pass.

There are things you can do to take care of your mental health and well-being during these uncertain times.

We have pulled together resources from across the Internet which we hope will be both helpful, and enjoyable!

For starters, the NHS ‘One You’ pages have 10 tips to help if you are worried about coronavirus, part of a wide range of support information:

  • Stay connected with people
  • Talk about your worries
  • Support and help others
  • Feel prepared
  • Look after your body
  • Stick to the facts
  • Stay on top of difficult feelings
  • Do things you enjoy
  • Focus on the present
  • Look after your sleep
10 tips to help if you are worried about coronavirus | NHS

Helplines and support organisations, including a focus on COVID-19
You should also find our helplines and mental health matters sections helpful.

Click here for helplines and further support | MEN R US
Mental health matters | MEN R US

Mental health and wellbeing in the time of COVID
Top tips, to help you feel supported, comforted and less alone during this uncertain time.

Emotional wellbeing support pack | Switchboard
The A-Z of lockdown life | LGBT Hero
Mental health and counselling | London Friend
9 strategies for quarantining in a non-LGBTQ+ affirming environment | US | Them
Coronavirus and your wellbeing | MIND
Looking after your mental health | Quiz and plans | NHS
How to stay healthy and entertained at home | Cooperative (Group) 

Other resources
 Guidance for the public on the mental health and wellbeing aspects of coronavirus (COVID-19) | GOV.UK
 Mental health and psychosocial considerations during the COVID-19 outbreak | World Health Organisation (WHO)

 Six evidenced-based ways to look after your mental health during a second lockdown | The Conversation | 2 Nov 2020
COVID-19: guidance for the public on mental health and wellbeing | Public Health England | 31 March 2020
Three ways people are reacting to coronavirus: ‘accepting’, ‘suffering’ and ‘resisting’ | The Conversation |  29 Apr 2020

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COVID-19 trackers and statistics

COVID-19 TRACKERS, GRAPHS AND CHARTS | MENRUS.CO.UK  COVID-19 Dashboard | World Health Organisation (WHO)
COVID-19 Dashboard | John Hopkins University
United Kingdom | GOV.UK
Track Corona | Stanford, University of Virginia, and Virginia Tech

2019–20 coronavirus pandemic by country and territory | Wikipedia

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COVID-19 Symptom Study App

COVID-19 SYMPTOM STUDY APP | MENRUS.CO.UKMillions of participants have downloaded the app and are using it to regularly report on their health, making it the largest public science project of its kind anywhere in the world. App data is being analysed in collaboration with King’s College London researchers. By using this app you’re helping the NHS and contributing to advance vital research on COVID-19.

App developed by King’s College London and health science company ZOE, and endorsed by the Welsh Government, NHS Wales, the Scottish Government and NHS Scotland.

By combining your reports with software algorithms, we are able to predict who has the virus and so track COVID infections across the UK and now other countries (see COVID Data). Your daily reporting is also being used to generate new scientific understanding of the very different symptoms the virus causes in different people. We are also studying the way that risks vary between individuals because of their own personal characteristics.

COVID-19 Symptom Study

Google Play App Store
Apple App Store

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Coronavirus basics

COVID-19Coronaviruses are a group of related viruses that cause diseases in mammals and birds, first discovered in humans in the late 1960s.

Coronaviruses cause respiratory tract (breathing) infections and other infections that can be fatal, such as SARS (from cave-dwelling horseshoe bats), MERS (a.k.a. camel flu), and COVID-19.

Coronavirus | Wikipedia
Severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) | Wikipedia
Middle East respiratory syndrome (MERS) | Wikipedia

Giving the virus a name

The surface of the virus has crown-like spikes which is why the name “coronavirus” was given from the Latin corona, meaning “crown” or “wreath”. There are a billion nanometers (nm) in a meter. Coronavirus is approximately 125 nanometre (nm) in diameter, larger than bacteria but smaller than a human protein.

On 11 February 2020, the World Health Organisation (WHO) announced the virus’s official name. WHO has previously given the virus the temporary name of “2019-nCoV made up of the year of discovery, its status as a “novel” virus, and its family name (CoV).

Naming the coronavirus disease (COVID-19) and the virus that causes it | World Health Organisation

CoronovirusFind the ‘right’ name

In 2015, WHO identified best practice for the naming of new human diseases to minimise the unnecessary negative impact of disease names on trade, travel, tourism or animal welfare, and avoid causing offence to any cultural, social, national, regional, professional or ethnic groups.

WHO best practices for naming of new human infectious diseases | World Health Organisation

Where coronavirus first emerged

At the end of 2019, coronavirus emerged in Wuhan, China where there was a cluster of cases at an animal or wet market selling dead and live animals, including fish and birds. These markets carry increased risk of viruses ‘jumping’ from animals to humans. This is because hygiene standards (if they exist) are difficult to maintain where animals are being kept and butchered in the same place.

Furthermore, these markets are densely packed, making it easier for the disease to spread from species to species. Wet markets are common in East Asia and Latin America, but are also found in traditional open-air markets in Europe, North America and Oceania.

The coronavirus is closely related to viruses that infect bats. However, it is thought the virus was passed from bats to a mystery animal species that then passed it on to people. That “missing link” remains unknown, and could be a source of further infections.

Of course, there are theories circulating that the virus escaped from a Chinese lab by accident or design. This is untrue and scientists are studying its virus genetic code have linked it to bats, probably jumping to another animal which then passed it on to humans.

England’s Covid restrictions: the ‘rule of sex’ and other quirks | The Guardian | 24 Sep 2020
Casual sex is allowed (or maybe it’s not) “Government guidance updated on Tuesday says that rules on social distancing are not necessary if it is “someone you’re in an established relationship with”, but whether this means three dates or six months is not specified. The Sun wrote this up to say that while couples who don’t live together can have sex, “casual bonking” is still not permitted. But asked about this during a sometimes uncomfortable section of the regular Downing Street media briefing on Wednesday, Boris Johnson’s spokesman said this was not the case, and that the only law which applied was the rule of six. “That is not an area on which any announcement has been made pertaining to the law,” he said.”
COVID-19: WHO to investigate virus origins in China’s Wuhan | BBC | 16 Dec 2020
A year after Wuhan alarm, China seeks to change Covid origin story | The Guardian | 29 Nov 2020
Sex and coronavirus: What are the rules? | BBC News | 23 Sep 2020
 I was infected with coronavirus in March, six months on I’m still unwell | The Observer | 13 Sep 2020
Here’s how scientists know the coronavirus came from bats and wasn’t made in a lab | The Conversation | 13 Jul 2020
A Nobel Prize-winning immunologist has not said coronavirus is manmade, as claimed | Full Fact | 30 Apr 2020
Coronavirus: WHO urges China to close ‘dangerous’ wet market as stalls in Wuhan begin to reopen | The Independent | 13 Apr 2020

Wet market | Wikipedia  
Whuhan, China | Wikipedia  

Visual representation of pandemics over the centuries

“As humans have spread across the world, so have infectious diseases. Even in this modern era, outbreaks are nearly constant, though not every outbreak reaches pandemic level as the Coronavirus (COVID-19) . Today’s visualization outlines some of history’s most deadly pandemics, from the Antonine Plague to the current COVID-19 event.”

Visualizing the history of pandemics | Visual Capitalist | 14 Mar 2020

Coronavirus explained and what you should do | Kurzgesagt: In a Nutshell | 19 Mar 2020 | 8m 34s

Articles with an LGBT+ angle

We would like to clarify that while this selection of articles has an LGBT+ bent, coronavirus does not discriminate. It’s a human kind health pandemic, affecting all of us.

HIV/ AIDS and COVID-19 connections | MEN R US

LGBTQ people urgently need specialist mental health support – but it is lacking | The Conversation | 23 Jun 2021
 LGBTQ+ spaces face a new threat from the pandemic – here’s how they can adapt | The Conversation | 24 Feb 2021
Bigoted cleric ridiculed for claiming COVID vaccine has turned people gay | Pink News | 8 Feb 2021
 Learning to cope with uncertainty during COVID-19 | The Conversation | 10 Dec 2020
LGBTQ+ community: how have you been affected by the lockdown? | The Guardian | 22 May 2020
Coronavirus: ‘I was attacked for hanging my rainbow flag’ | BBC News | 22 May 2020
What gay men can teach us about surviving the coronavirus | The Guardian | 4 May 2020
There’s no evidence coronavirus was man-made in a Chinese laboratory. Here’s what we know about how it began | Huff Post | 1 May 2020 
Where did Covid-19 come from? What we know about its origins | The Guardian | 1 May 2020
 Shuttered by the coronavirus, many gay bars – already struggling – are now on life support | The Conversation | 14 Apr 2020
Unique impact of coronavirus on UK LGBT+ community ‘will disproportionally affect us’ | Forbes | 24 Mar 2020
Coronavirus: three lessons from the AIDS crisis | The Conversation | 16 Mar 2020
How coronavirus is affecting the LGBTQ+ community, from drag queens to the HIV+ | them. | USA | 7 Mar 2020

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Social distancing and washing hands

Social distancing and washing handsCoronavirus spreads in a similar way to flu or the common cold, enlarged droplets produced by coughs and sneezes from an infected person. People within 6 feet of an infected individual are most at risk for inhaling these droplets. Public health England defines having close contact with a virus carrier as being within 2 metres (6 feet) of the person for 15 minutes.

Coronavirus social distancing advice: what two metres looks like | BBC News | 29 Mar 2020 | 1m 48s

People who might have coronavirus should adopt the “catch it, bin it, kill it” approach. This means catching sneezes and coughs in tissues, throwing them away, and then washing your hands thoroughly. Regular hand washing is considered the most important proportion to reduce the chances of picking up the virus from surfaces.

The New England Journal of Medicine has published a study that tested how long the virus can remain stable on different kinds of surfaces within a controlled laboratory setting. They found that it was still detectable on copper for up to four hours, on cardboard for up to 24 hours, and on plastic and steel for up to 72 hours.

Learn about hand hygiene and preventing the spread of viruses like Coronavirus | HSE Ireland | 14 Feb 2020 | 1m 14s

COVID-19: How long does the coronavirus last on surfaces? | BBC Future | 17 Mar 2020

According to the NHS washing your hands means:

  • wash your hands with soap and water often – do this for at least 20 seconds
  • use hand sanitiser gel if soap and water are not available
  • wash your hands as soon as you get back home
  • cover your mouth and nose with a tissue or your sleeve (not your hands) when you cough or sneeze
  • put used tissues in the bin immediately and wash your hands afterwards

There’s been some debate as to whether coronavirus is airborne or not but there is no evidence that this is the case, though it could change.

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