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Rescuing relationships

  • Deal with the difficulty or problem as soon as it arises – don’t let it fester
  • When you’re ready to talk avoid airports, football matches or pubs. Choose a place that provides privacy, quiet and gives you space. A neutral location is often best
  • Stay calm and adopt non-threatening body language
  • Tell him what you think the difficulty is without being accusing. It’s the things people do that are the problem and not the people themselves
  • Avoid embarrassment or humiliation
  • Be honest, straightforward but tactful and remember that you’re here to save the relationship – not to get your own back
  • Listen... listen… listen
  • Acknowledge his perspective even though you may not agree with his point of view
  • Reassure him that you want the relationship to work
  • Give him time to talk and listen to what he has to say
  • Be prepared for him to be critical of you and recognise that the difficulty may also lie with you
  • Sometimes these talks don’t find solutions in one go and accept there may be limitations to what you can achieve initially. Be clear that you both need to continue the discussion at a later date
  • If you are able to find a solution, make sure you both understand what it entails and agrees to it.
  • If you love him, say so. If you can be affectionate, be so
  • Afterwards, you may be physically and emotionally drained. If you need to take a day off work, do it
  • Remember that solutions can take time and may raise other problems. Take it a step at a time
  • Don’t just jump back into bed as a quick fix solution and at the expense of resolving problems fully
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