A ‘side’ describes someone who doesn’t practice anal sex, a term coined for gay men to have the language to express this preference. It’s a new term (this century) and an alternative to the traditional binary classifications such as top or bottom, pitcher or catcher, and active or passive. And, of course, there’s versatile.
It can be difficult for people to acknowledge that fucking doesn’t interest some gay men. They may have tried it early in a relationship, to please a hook-up or new partner, or it may just be something that neither holds any appeal or turns them on.
Consequently, sides can suffer embarrassment and discrimination by other gay men that they are not normal or real gay men. Fearing judgment, sides can find it difficult to talk about in a community obsessed with fucking. They can carry guilt and shame, wondering if there’s something wrong with them and why they can’t be ‘normal’.
There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with gay men who are sides … and what’s ‘normal’?!*
Terminology of homosexuality | WikipediaSide | Urban Dictionary Rise of the sides: how Grindr finally recognized gay men who aren’t tops or bottoms | The Guardian | 20 Jun 2022
| Vice | 2 Jun 2022
Side Guys: Thinking Beyond Gay Male “Tops” and “Bottoms” | Psychology Today 28 May 2020
| Mel Magazine | 2020
Guys on the ‘Side’: Looking Beyond Gay Tops and Bottoms | HuffPost | 2 Feb 2016 | Calum McSwiggan | 21 Oct 2018 | 12m 57s
