There are loads of lists on the internet about what friends should and shouldn’t be, so we’re not certain what we can offer. So, some MEN R US spunky monkeys got together over several bottles to decide what they value most and like least about friends.
It turned out to be a very long night when some of the guys started going through their Facebook friends list with a meat cleaver. Tears were shed, texts were sent… but, contrite and bleary-eyed the next morning, everyone had the perfect excuse for an alcohol-free brunch and time to write this up:
What we value most
- A friend who loves and supports us without making us earn it every five minutes
- A friend who can ‘just be there’ and is around when we’re down
- A friend who can sometimes be our life coach, mentor and all-round oracle
- A friend who will help us grow personally and share in life’s lessons
- A friend who is honest enough to challenge us, but not brutal for sport
- A friend who challenges us and keeps us grounded, eg: when we’re being a knob
- A friend with fresh perspectives, good judgement and integrity
- A friend who is loyal and can keep a secret
None of this means friends have to be perfect. They just need to be basically kind, honest, reliable and able to own their shit when they get it wrong.
What we like least
- A friend who nitpicks and finds fault, or whose bottle is always half empty
- A friend who is boringly competitive
- A friend who has to be centre of attention
- A friend who is self-absorbed and/or self-centred
- A friend who cancels plans or breaks promises
- A friend who is manipulative and/or controlling
- A friend who is not self-aware and/or cannot share space, time or attention
- A friend who morphs into his friends instead of being his own man
- A friend who stabs us in the back or chooses personal gain over friendship
And because apparently we cannot leave a topic alone without turning it into a wonky checklist, try this…
A very poorly structured friends test
Only you can decide how close you are to your friends, and how close they are to you, but here are a few pointers:
- After spending time with them, do you feel better?
- Can you be yourself when you are with them?
- Do you feel like you have to watch what you say and do?
- Can you have friends over without cleaning the flat from top to bottom?
- Would your friends do what they could if you had an emergency, including leaving work or a hook-up?
- Do you have friends who know they can just drop by?
- Do you feel the need to put your wallet away or hide valuables?
- Do friends offer to help you move before you ask?
- Would your friends watch out for you when you are wasted?
- Would you put a friend up for the night without a moment’s hesitation?
