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Sex Calories Counted
Sex calories counted
If you have ever wondered how many calories you use during sex, volunteers have selflessly taken part in an experiment to find out. Here are the results of weeks of frenzied and, at times, perilous sexual activity.
However, we should clarify that translating tantrums, slippiness, sloppiness and disappointment was a task in itself and estimates have been used, in some cases.
Despite electrodes falling off when subjects refused to stop, it’s a testament to their stamina we can share this faintly ridiculous piece of research.
Disclaimer | MEN R US
Intention for the purpose (not serious disclaimer) | MEN R US
Click here for your own leaflet | MEN R US
| Getting started | cal. |
| Kissing | |
| mouth open | 18 |
| mouth closed) | 220 |
| Thinking about chores | 11½ |
| Tongue strain | 65 |
| Saying what turns you on | 5 |
| Ordering taxi | 121 |
| Sex | cal. |
| Oral sex (per minute) | 25 |
| Rimming | |
| with cling film | 21 |
| without cling film | 21 |
| Putting on condom | 1 |
| with erection | 1½ |
| without erection | 300 |
| Reaching for lube | 1 |
| Not finding it | 465 |
| Deciding position | 2 |
| Climbing into sling | 30 |
| Falling through sling | 84 |
| Condom disposal (shitty) | 34 |
| Noises | cal. |
| Short gasps (per gasp) | 3 |
| Groaning (per groan) | 11 |
| Shouting (5 seconds) | 2 |
| Urgent begging | 12 |
| Giving directions | 15 |
| Safeword | 1 |
| Premature ejaculation | cal. |
| After first thrust | 169 |
| During dinner | 1⅛ |
| During mass | 1⅛ |
| Pleading for mercy | 8 |
| Orgasm and afterwards | cal. |
| Real | 177 |
| Faked | 250 |
| Pulling out after orgasm | 1 |
| Pulling out before orgasm | 501 |
| Avoiding the wet spot | 20¾ |
| Cleaning the cat | 129 |
| Chit chat | cal. |
| "I'm so grateful." | 15 |
| "Go out with me?" | 15 |
| "Piss where?" | 15 |
| "Are you finished?" | 15 |
| "What's your name?" | 15 |
| "Are you all from the same team?" | 15 |
| "I'll take you to casualty." | 15 |
| "Don't bother untying me." | 15 |
| "You can come back now." | 15 |
| "Where are you?" | 15 |
| “How big is your constituency?!” | 69 |
| Getting caught | cal. |
| Trying to explain | 165 |
| Vomiting | 40 |
| Getting dressed in one motion | 300 |
| Thanking partner quickly | 2 |
| Group sex | cal. |
| Finding a top | 831 |
| Standing in a corner | 830 |
| Overcoming shyness | 5⅜ |
| Attaching badges (each) | 1 |
| Swapping partners | |
| willingly | 4 |
| unwillingly | 62 |
| Mixed doubles | 26 |
| Being nice to everyone | 100 |
| Finding your partner | 5½ |
| Finding your clothes | 5 |
| Miscellaneous | cal. |
| No replacement batteries for vibrator/ | |
| mouse/ torch/ fairy lights | 319 |
| Woofing wide | 111 |
| Sending cock pics to family | 2001 |
| Catfishing yourself | ½ |
| Deleting profile | 261 |
| Losing wi-fi code | 672 |
| Needing charger cable | |
| being used as a restraint | 672 |
| Realising you’re a bottom | 1000⅛ |
| Dropping poppers | 1003 |
| Confusing water for … | 999 |
| Farting (you thought) | 529 |
| ‘Losing’ douche nozzle | 315 |
| Bungee cord snaps | 71½ |
| Vol au vents pastry burn | 86 |
| Gerbil retrieval | 666¼ |
