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F.R.I.E.S.

Geared towards a younger (hetronotmative) audience, the acronym F.R.I.E.S. gained traction in recent years.

• Freely given
  This means that one party must not use pressure or force to obtain consent, nor should they rely on assumptions or presumptions about the other party's desires or intentions.
• Reversible
  This means that even if someone initially consents to an activity, they have the right to change their mind and withdraw their consent at any point.
• Informed
  This means that consent must be given with full knowledge of the risks, benefits, and potential consequences of an activity.
• Enthusiastic
  This means that consent should not be given out of obligation, fear, or pressure, but rather because the person genuinely wants to participate.
• Specific
  This means that it's essential to communicate exactly what activities one is consenting to and what boundaries or limitations exist.

Sexual consent (F.R.I.E.S). | Wikipedia

Five important facts about sexual consent

There are certain characteristics in determining valid sexual consent. Consent must satisfy five conditions to be counted as valid consent by law. The five characteristics of sexual consent are:

• Freely given
• Reversible
• Informed
• Enthusiastic
• Specific

1. Consent must be explicit
   No one should ever assume anything about sexual consent. Consent must be explicated. Either a very specific “YES” or a very specific “NO”. What you wear, what you do, where you go, what your past behavior was has nothing to do with sexual consent, or these things never imply consent. Remember, any kind of non-consensual sexual activity, be it kissing or touching, is harmful and against the law.
2. Consent is reversible at any point
   Consent can be withdrawn at any time. It doesn’t matter how intimidated you are already. You have to stop the sexual activity whenever your partner says NO reverses his/her consent.
3. Both the partners must be fully informed
   You cannot give consent if you are not fully informed. Both the partners have to be fully informed about all the moves they are going to make throughout the sexual activity. For example, if your partner wants to use a condom, later doesn’t, then there is no valid consent on your part.
4. Consent needs to be specific
   Sexual activity includes touching, kissing, and eventually sex. Therefore, consent needs to be specific for each of the activities separately. Suppose, you have given consent for kissing or petting, then your partner cannot continue up to sex unless you give consent for sex separately.
5. Consent should be given freely
   Consent must be free from any kind of influence. You cannot give consent if you are drunk, forced, coerced, or if there is any kind of undue influence. So when you are in full conscious, you understand the gravity of your consent, only then you can give consent.

Sexual consent: 5 important facts about sexual consent | Robiul Robi

Words and phrases indicating consent and not giving consent

Examples where you do not have consent from another person if:

• They’re asleep or unconscious
• They’re incapacitated (do not have the ability)
• You ignore their wishes or nonverbal cues to stop, like pushing away
• You have consent for one sexual act, but not another sexual act
• You use a position of power or trust to pressure them to say yes
• You use threats or intimidation to coerce (force) someone into something
• They change their mind: earlier consent doesn’t count as consent later

Examples of words and phrases that indicate verbal consent:

• "Yes"
• "I’m sure"
• "I want to"
• "Don’t stop"
• "I still want to"
• "I want you to"

Examples of words and phrases that indicate that you do NOT have consent:

• "No"
• "Stop"
• "I don’t want to"
• "I don’t know"
• "I’m not sure"
• "I don’t think so"
• "I want to, but…"
• "This makes me uncomfortable"
• "I don’t want to do this anymore"
• "This feels wrong"
• "Maybe we should wait"
• Changing the subject

Marco, Eli and Nigel scenarios

To illustrate some sex and consent issues, we have created some scenarios, a springboard for further thought and conversation.

Marco

Marco does not touch, rub up or grab men in any way (or expects this from other men) before verbal consent has been given explicitly.

• Marco’s not had sex for weeks and he’s very horny. He's had a few drinks and is looking to hook up. A guy he's cruised before walks past and touches is arse. How might Marco respond?
• Marco has had sex with Alan several times over several months. The sex is good, and it’s what they both want. One morning Alan gets hard and moves to fuck Marco who is half asleep. How consensual is this?

Eli

Eli has a ‘sliding scale’ on what he thinks is acceptable behaviour when cruising and meeting men.

• Eli is dancing with friends when a guy joins them. Eli likes him. Leaning in to ask Eli if he would like a drink, the guy runs a hand down Eli’s back. How might they both think and feel?
• Later, Eli goes to a sauna and is cruised by a guy. Eli grabs the guy's crotch, leading him into a corner for sex. The guy pulls away and leaves. How might they both think and feel?

Nigel

Grateful for all the attention he can get, Nigel has a laissez-faire (free-and-easy) approach to touching or grabbing other men, anytime, anywhere.

• A guy locks Nigel's arms back as they have sex in a nightclub toilet. It’s a turn-on. Later on, the same guy grabs Nigel’s bruised arm, wanting more. Nigel winces. What might Nigel think and feel?
• After taking too many drugs, Nigel wakes up naked on a sofa to find he's got a very sore anus but doesn't remember what happened. Has Nigel ‘got what he deserves? ’