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Connection and consent

Great sex, connection and consent
Great sex should be about connection, intimacy, affirmation, and fun, as much as it is about being safer. However, some of the choices we make during sex on chems can have serious consequences and can cause lasting harm.

Words like 'consent', 'sexual assault' and 'rape' may be new for some, but they are being talked about more openly—not just among gay men, and the wider LGBT+ community but across society more generally.

Holding a mirror up to our sex lives can be difficult and for many (often) complex reasons it can be hard to believe that we may be a victim of sexual assault or rape, or that we may be committing a crime ourselves.

What is consent?
Consent is the freely given, enthusiastic, and informed agreement to participate in a sexual act. A person must:

• Have the capacity to consent—not impaired (affected) by substances, age, or mental incapacity.
• Provide consent voluntarily—without pressure, threats, or manipulation.
• Be able to withdraw consent at any time.

Legal age of consent
16 years old in the UK which applies all genders and sexual orientations. It is illegal to engage in sexual activity with someone under 16, even if they agree.

If something has happened
Sex without consent is a crime. Talking about this stuff is not easy but, if something has happened to you, you may not even have found the words yet. Whether it’s a feeling … sense … or a hazy memory: try talk to a friend, go to a sexual health clinic, or phone a helpline.

Consent must be clear
Consent cannot be assumed based on previous sexual activity, a relationship, or lack of resistance. Silence or the absence of a "no" does not equal consent.

Withdrawal of consent
Consent can be withdrawn at any point during sexual activity. Continuing after consent is withdrawn is a crime.

Capacity (ability) to consent
A person cannot consent if:

• They are unconscious or asleep.
• They are under the influence of drugs or alcohol to the point where judgment is impaired.
• They are under the age of 16 or in certain power dynamics, such as with a teacher or care provider.

Coercion and force
Consent given under threat, pressure, or manipulation is not valid. Any sexual activity without valid consent is considered sexual assault or rape under UK law.

How to ensure consent

• Ask openly: Clear communication about boundaries and willingness. Use questions like: "Are you comfortable with this?" or "Do you want to continue?"
• Respect boundaries: Pay attention to verbal and non-verbal cues. Stop immediately if there is uncertainty about consent.
• Educate yourself: Learn about the nuances of consent, especially in situations involving power dynamics or intoxication.

Consent and chemsex advice | GALOP | Survivors UK | London Friend
Sex and consent | MEN R US