Search Result

What is sober sex

Sober sex refers to sex (or sexual activity) without the influence of chems, drugs or alcohol. It means being fully present and aware during sex, often leading to more intentional, authentic, and consensual interactions. Those who practice sober sex do so for better health, communication, friendships and relationships, and a lot of life stuff.

Challenges

• Old habits: chems lower inhibitions and intensify sexual experiences. People can associate sex with chems, making it hard to separate the two.
• Cravings: sex may trigger the desire to use substances again because of previous reliance on them to feel more confident, relaxed, or energised during sex.
• Anxiety: without chems to numb feelings, individuals may experience heightened anxiety, performance pressure, or self-consciousness.
  Lack of coping mechanisms: chems can serve as a coping mechanism for underlying emotional or psychological issues. Sober sex can bring up feelings or emotions that were previously hidden by substance use.
• Building new sexual intimacy: individuals may need to rediscover or redefine sexual intimacy without chems. Learning to connect without drugs means building trust and communication from scratch can feel daunting.

Sober sex can be challenging because it often involves confronting emotions and experiences that were previously numbed or altered by chems. Without the influence of chems or alcohol, people may feel more vulnerable, anxious, or self-conscious. This can make it harder to relax, communicate openly, and feel comfortable in intimate situations. Additionally, if someone has used chems as a way to enhance sexual experiences or lower inhibitions, navigating sex without them can feel unfamiliar or intimidating.

Reality check
It can be hard to ignore when our brain tells us how “good” chemsex was. But try to focus on the reality, not just the initial short term high. Think about how you will feel the next day, the day after that, and the day after that...

Never, ever, have sex or spend time with those who disrespect you. They do not have your best interests at heart and they will likely use you for their own pleasure, and walk away. They will not be there for you on day five.

This may have been OK with you in the past, but it's not OK now. It’s not how you deserve to be treated. Don't give them that. Remember who you are and your worth.