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Getting older

Age differences

Gay men tend to be more understanding of age differences (than our straight counterparts) and mixed-aged relationships do work; in fact many thrive. You may be exactly what your younger man needs, while you may be what your older man has been missing.

A five to ten year - or more - age difference is not uncommon and the ability communicate, adapt and compromise will often bridge the gap in life experiences. The larger the gap, however, may increase the likelihood of compatibility issues.

  • While you go to bed with your smart phone, he remembers a time when mobile phones (and the Internet) barely existed. Flip this and younger guys are appreciating less tech while older guys are embracing the new.
  • While he’s happy to relax at home you’re twitching to go out on Saturday night. Flip this and younger guys appreciate the benefits of stable home life while older guys enjoy clubbing (if occasionally).
  • While he wants to visit an exhibition you want to catch-up with your friends. Why not do both: you can go with him to the exhibit and he can join you with your friends. Alternatively, respect each others space, do your own thing, and chat about what you did in the evening.
  • While you’re still having youthful adventures (usually our teens to 30s) he’s looking back on all of that. Flip this and you might find a little life experience helpful and who doesn’t like to hear about good drama!
  • While you’re happy to buy some sensibly priced ingredients he prefers to go to the latest restaurant. Flip this and an inexpensive home cooked meal and good company often hits the spot while a fancy restaurant could be the exception rather than the rule.

This may all seem very obvious; the important thing is that you give this sort of stuff some thought and talk about it together. Because:

  • There will be times when you both see life differently
  • Remain open to each other's perspectives
  • Be aware that as you grow your relationship is likely to change
  • Be mindful of dependency, manipulation, bullying and power struggles (both parties)
  • Money is often a issue so discuss the arrangements before spending

Fantasy or reality

Attempting to realise a desire or fantasy for a much older or younger lover is often disappointing and unhealthy (for both of you). Although healthy relationships between older and younger men do exist and can work — you should think carefully before embarking on what might be a fruitless quest. However, if you find that your relationships are short-lived, or just don’t materialise, you should carefully examine the reasons why a younger or older partner is important to you.


  LGBT documentary: gay, old and out | Channel 4 News | 27 Feb 2018 | 9m 37s

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