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Condom considerations and jargon

Condom Measurements

Whether clubbing, dining, or attending an interview, most of us think about what we will wear. The cut of the clothes, the colour combo, and the impact bring it all together. But when it comes to sex, we can be so fixated on the fuck we forget that the right condom can give you and your partner(s) more pleasure, more security, and more fun.

Not too small, not too large

You shouldn’t really feel a perfectly fitting condom. Too large, and it can slip off (yes: up the arse). Too small it can be impossible to put on (as your dick is choked to death), and it's more likely to break while fucking. So while condom length is important the cock's girth (width) should also be considered. More of this later.

Condom considerations

• Thickness (usually between 50-100 microns μm)
• Width (width at the head of the condom if it's not a straight condom).
• Length

Condom shapes

The choice of condoms is bewildering, and you can start to wonder why you might need an extra thin, non-lubricated, banana-flavoured, slim-fit condom. What is doubly frustrating is that comparing brands is just about impossible. Here are the options:

• Standard condoms have straight sides
• Fitted or trim condoms are slightly narrower below the dick head
• Thinner or sensitive condoms are so you feel more; conversely, some guys will avoid them because they cum too quickly
• Large, XL, or magnum condoms are longer and wider, including over the head of the dick
• Extra strong or stronger condoms are usually thicker, but not always. According to manufacturers, some thin condoms claim to be as strong as stronger condoms
• Textured condoms with ribs and bumps can increase sensation, but not everyone likes speed bumps
• Coloured condoms can make oral sex more fun. Also, they could be a perfect choice for St Valentine's or St Patrick's Day, with matching flavours such as strawberry or mint.
• Flavoured condoms are just that, and some of the flavours can be an acquired taste. Who can forget minty mouthful, blow me bubblegum, bangin' banana, chocolate temptation, blueberry muffin, fizzy cola, blowdom cannabis and succulent strawberry. They are great for oral sex, particularly for guys who are not into fucking
• Non-lubricated condoms are a sensible choice if you don't like the taste of lubricated condoms. Great for sucking, or you can add the lube of your choice if you're fucking. Trivia: also used as protective covers for microphones and ultrasound machines and for keeping stuff dry on camping trips.
• Glow in the dark condoms have rather stumped us, but supposedly handy in a dark room? If anyone has an interesting tale to tell, we'd love to hear from you.
• Desensitising, extended play and delay condoms are for guys want to last longer before cumming or for guys who cum too quickly. They use a lubricant that slightly desensitises your dick which makes it a little numb. No harm, of course, but you have been warned.

We have trawled the websites of many well known manufacturers and distributors. While some provide condom length, width and thickness, others seem to be more interested in a sales pitch (for their own brands) and/ or posting customer reviews which are subjective and not necessarily that helpful.